I've been counting the days till I get back to Uia ever since the holidays started. Unlike many others who look forward to spending their holidays doing various (if not useful) activities, I can't wait to get back to campus. Why? I can't stand staying at home for a long period of time. I just can't.
When I'm at home, I don't go out. At all. To go out would mean asking for permission and doing so would mean going through protocols - lectures, questioning, lectures and more questioning - which would somehow, in the end, lead to nothing, no permission. So rather than repeatedly asking for permission, which could anger or provoke the head of the house, I choose, with much disagreement and disappointment, to not ask and just stay at home. Please do not ask why they don't allow me or say I didn't try hard enough. If only for a second you step in my shoes, you will know what it's like living under this roof.
If it wasn't for Erin, and Farahin, I wouldn't be seeing anyone at all this holiday. Thankfully Erin came by every now and then, mostly at night and we'd chat in her car as she parked right outside my house, share with each other current updates about our lives; boys/men, girls/women, drama, joy, sadness and just about everything. Then Farahin came back from Tangkak and dropped by a number of times herself. So there I was, with only Erin and Farahin as the only people I see, apart from my own family. Sad really.
No, I did not meet up or manage to bump into anyone from school. Nope, not one. So yeah, the phone, and Mika are the only two mediums that allow me to keep contact with the outside world, beyond these parameters.
I had planned to do something useful, something productive this holiday. For those who read my previous post about my holiday plans (wait did I write about it?), let me tell you that I have managed to achieve NONE. I did not fail, or perhaps I did. I didn't even try. I did not exercise daily nor did I retake my driving test which I should have done considering the fact that my L license is about to expire, soon, I think. And I haven't read the two novels I got for my birthday. Come to think of it, I can't remember what I actually planned to do. Heh. Talk about short-term memory loss. Oh, and of course, the weight problem (not really a problem but I keep saying it as one). I succeeded in losing ZERO kilos, heh. It keeps on going up and down a kilo, depending on whether I've had lunch/dinner or not. So yes, I still weigh 56 kilos, which isn't so bad but just not good enough.
So what'd I do then over, the last three weeks? Absolutely nothing. Apart from the usual chores; cleaning the kitchen, doing the laundry and dishes, making the bed, cook (sometimes) and occasionally picking up the girls from school, I had nothing to do. Scratch that, I did nothing new or useful to begin with. Heck, I didn't even play the piano. My days normally start at eleven and usually end around one in the morning. Don't ask me when I bathe.
So yes, I am somehow, looking forward to go back. I can't possibly imagine what would be of me if I were to stay at home for three long months! Thank god for short semester, good lord. Three days, three more days. I intend to take less items to campus with me. Less stuff, less clothes less everything. Let's see if I can do that. Oh, results are out by the way, I've known for quite some time now. I managed to get over three by zero point one, just thought I'd write it in words rather than numbers, heh.
On a different note..
I am one who gets mad and make a big fuss about it, let it all out, and somehow be alright in a day, or two. I just need to get it out of my system before it takes over the goodness in me, well, of what's left of the goodness that is.
I am friends with people even if I find them irritating and somewhat annoying, I still talk to them, I just try to reduce the amount of time talking to them. They say, keep your friends close, keep your enemies. Then your enemies will turn into your friends hahahha okay I just made that up LOL. Thing is, I may not like you and you may not like me, but that doesn't stop you/me from talking (or stalking) one another, on and on. I know I'm not the only one. I'm just saying, you get me?
Life goes on and I've got to learn to deal with it.
Sometimes I'll be okay and other times I'll feel uncomfortable, I mean, it depends on what subject we are talking about here now, right?
I can be pretty hateful too, but that doesn't last long either. I can try to stay calm and bottle it up but I find it difficult to stay quiet and not have my say. I fight back. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me, like that day. Most of the time, unless that particular person manage to upset me more than he/she should, I just let it out on someone other than the actual person I'm furious at.
Call me a wimp, you're chicken shit.
Confrontations are alright, necessary when needed and unnecessary if it could do more harm than good. There is no need for cold wars and bitch fights, the current drama and gossips (not including all the hate in the world and the past) are already enough to last me a lifetime. No, I haven't heard anything about me, yet, but of course people talk and somehow one way or another you're bound to be the topic of conversation. It's a fact. Get over it.
And last night (or was it this morning?), I had a terrible dream. Perhaps I thought about it too much when I shouldn't. It is nothing to worry about really, no. It's only one sided so I needn't worry or think about it at all. Yes, stop thinking about it. Stop, and just move on like it never happened. It's worth more than that, friendship. So why let it stop me, right?
Now that that's over with, I shall now find some sort of entertainment talking with Mok and the rest of the lot or I might as well just play with myself. Eh wait, that sounds awful wrong. Scratch that. Imma go lurk around here and facebook. It's only noon. Ah, stalker.
