Striking constipation.

"Do you only like to watch?"



It used to be different for me, the bowling alley; it was a place of fun and games, where old friends meet and play a game trying our very best to hit every pin and staying away from the gutter. That was what I thought of it, a place I seldom go to but wished to visit more. Now it is no longer a stranger but a friend, a familiar place I've come to know very well over the past four or five months. I remember clearly how to make my way there; from the parking lot to the escalator to the bowling alley, passing by a number of shops and making a turn here and there. There was a time when I would go round and round about the place but now, I know just where to go. I always liked how the sound of the bowling alley would grow louder and louder as I enter the doorway; it always gives me a sense of excitement down my spine, regardless of whether I bowl -- or not. That is another story altogether.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always fancied myself doing something, achieving something like winning a literature contest or excel somewhere in the sports field, or something like that. So far, I haven't won anything except for a couple of singing competitions back in the old days but that is not accounted for. I wanted to do something different, something that I can call my own. I was that ambitious, wanting to achieve every little thing. Heck, I even wanted to go to Harvard and I thought I could. Well, I could if I tried. It's hard, yes, but not impossible.

Anyways, as a child, I was awed by the idea of being a ballerina and I liked everything about it, from the cute ballet slippers to the graceful moves but mother disapproved of it. She had her reasons and I can understand why. Then I wanted to be good at sports, swimming, cycling, badminton, baseball - whatever. I did all that but I never excelled up to the point of winning a medal, or such. And then there was bowling. I enjoyed it when I was a kid but did not have the chance the play it as often as I wanted. I remember going to the bowling alley nearby my house a few times with my family, usually just for fun and I've even thought, back then, that I wanted to be good at bowling too. Sadly, father did not fancy the place so much just as I don't fancy going to the snooker/pool place. So we didn't bowl very much, I can easily count with my fingers how many times we went there. We went there less and less till we didn't go at all, for a long time. Along with it, the idea of being a good bowler eventually faded away.

After many many years, the old unfamiliar place is now a regular spot. It didn't start off instantly, the frequent visits but as time passed by, I tagged along for practice, leagues or just for fun more and more till I lost count. That was how I got used to it; I didn't go to play but only to watch, something like a cheerleader, if that's what you call it. But I never got bored of it although I do wish I could do more. Just recently, I tagged along again, this time with Shafiq, his dad and his two cousins, Jordan and Airen. It was just like any other but only this time, Jor asked me about it. I like to watch but I'd love to play. I suppose having a boyfriend who takes bowling seriously sort of driven me to want it more now. The only thing stopping me now is, you guessed it -- myself.

There are other issues too, like asking or more like, informing my parents that I want to take up bowling seriously, buying the equipments and bowling balls and the likes but if I want it, I should not let it wait any longer. I plan to take it up soon, hopefully. I may not be as ambitious as I was when I was only seven but I still have some of that flame in me. I will do something and be good at it, something I can call my own. In the mean time, I will have to focus on my studies.


On a different note, Jordan, Airen and Anty Yan will be leaving for the States this coming Wednesday which mean I won't be seeing any of them, for a long time. I've grown to like them and enjoy their company very much. We exchanged hugs and bid our goodbyes before we left for school a few hours ago. I was quiet throughout the whole journey, obviously affected by the farewell. I'm never good with goodbyes and I'll never be, they always make me sad and go all soppy. Although they are not my own relatives, the feeling is still the same, they will be missed dearly.

Suffice to say, I had a great weekend; I get to see them before they leave, went for a game of bowling, received happy news from home (which I will explain shortly) and enjoyed myself very much. Speaking of which, I received a call from home about their shopping expedition. I want to write all about it but I feel that its contents might potray me as gloating or proud which I am not. Or at least I think I'm not. All and all, they convinced me time and time again that this year's baju raya will be great, far greater than the last I had. Affirmative. I look forward to seeing it next weekend.

I will have to retire now as I need to try and force myself to pass motion (berak?). I've been having bowel problems ever since I'm back in campus. It is not all bad but it doesn't happen as often as it should. Perhaps it's a body clock thing, it still needs to adjust to the new surroundings, perhaps. Perhaps now the title of this entry makes more sense to you than it did before, the stiriking represents bowling and constipation represents this, now now now. Pardon me if I'm grossing you out. You may press Alt+F4 now.


Turrah.