Confession I

Do you know that you make me happy?

You do.

The Fragile Arc

It may have just been a moment to you, but it changed every single one that followed for me.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Fernando

#1 Give me a thousand more but you will always be my favourite, even when you're old or gone.

#2 You too, are my favourite.

#3 When you hold something close to your heart, it's just difficult to let go. No, I'm taking about the sentimental value I have towards my stuff. Not a person.

#4 But yes, it is just as hard, if not harder. So much harder.

#5 Sad songs are made for today.

When two meets six

I used to look forward to this date.

Now there's nothing to look forward to anymore.

Control.

I think I miss you stupid.

Urgh.

W

I wish I could give them the same answer I normally give when they ask me how I am, how we are. That I could say (insert normal happy answer) but I can't anymore. And it sucks having to give a more, sad and pitiful answer nowadays. I feel sorry for myself.

They keep asking the same questions, because they haven't heard from me for a long time. They didn't know. It's not their fault.

It's mine. It happened because of me.

Happy day

White rice, asam pedas kari ikan Tenggiri, Kailan ikan masin, ikan masin, telur dadar, Japanese rice, kimchi, kimchi ramen, choc chip vanilla cupcakes. YUM!

This was yesterday.

One thing that I love about being at home is that I get to eat all these glorious food and cook stuff. Like hotdogs, lasagnas, burgers, pizzas, pasta and the like. I love food and I like to cook :)

Must have Bulgogi and Kimchi at Ampang Point asap! I want my Korean fix hehe. Can't wait for this Saturday: I'm gonna get my Pavlova and Jasmine Tea at Alexis I don't care! Oooh the glorious food.

Much love, from me the foodie.

Princess Anastasia

After finding my bookshelves in a mess due to Izzati's doing, a cleaning demon took control over me and I cleared up 5 slots of the shelves, rearranged all the books involved and threw unwanted stuff out. While rummaging through piles of files, I found my old, my very first diary - dated in February 2003, which was 7 years ago!

Three years ago, I thought the diary was funny and hilarious - full of silly moments that shouldn't even be in a diary in the first place. I thought the whole Kime episode must have been quite important to me as well, I think about 80% of the diary is solely about him. You can see how pathetic I was here. But now, it doesn't seem all too funny. Looking at things in a different perspective, I feel more stupid than ever, for the grammatical errors I made and for being too hopeful... and stupid too.

Needless to say, I was a young hopeless romantic who watched too many romantic comedies and wrote every bit about the guy she liked, and every time she saw him for that matter! I couldn't read the whole book as I got quite bored - the handwriting didn't help either. I never knew my handwriting was THAT bad.

Reading the diary, or some parts of it proved that I, quote Mama "suka orang, tapi orang tak suka awak". It's a fact. I tend to like people but they don't even like me, but all this liking is only mere.. what shall we call it? Infatuation? Current eye candy? Whatever it is, it has never been anything serious. I have liked quite a few people and loved even fewer. One. Two? Scratch that, just one. I much prefer if that part of my life is erased, so I'm going to act like it didn't happen.

Well, I was quite the teenager.

Rejection at a 'liking' level is so much different, bearable and painless than of an 'already in love' level. My sentences are all over the place but please, bear with me on this one.

Anyways, I've decided to hold a diary burning ceremony when I get back to campus, as a sign of farewell to that phase of my high school life. I don't need writing to remind me of what happened, because I can remember well enough and partly because I do not want to be reminded of it.

There's still so much room to improve, on being a better person and I'm trying my best to fill that space, even if you can't see it. I will sigh less and smile more and be positive like I was before.

Onward!

Notes to Roberto

#1 If there is such a thing as a dislike button, I'd click it a hundred times and more. Because it irks me. Because you irk me.

#2 Truthfully, I like this week. It has been quite pleasant, emotional-free. I think you can guess why.

#3 I would say I'm quite flattered, only not so much.

#4 Sometimes listening to you engage in conversations regarding girls, pretty girls, sexy pretty girls, sexy pretty shallow girls and the other stuff you talk about scares me.

#5 And yes, it would be quite sad (or very sad, perhaps) if you get involved in those kinds of activities, because (somehow) I believe that you are one who keeps to his words, for most parts.

#6 It has only been a week and yet it feels like a month.

#7 I really want/need a new bag. I have my eyes on a Charles & Keith but Mum said the quality's bad and I would only be wasting my money away. Butbutbut.

#8 You're right, I do go after people. People here means boys. I rather like a person than have that person like me (in THAT manner) because then I wouldn't have to turn them down or brush them off. I'm not the kind who likes that kind of attention, unlike some people who simply adoressssss being adored, the chase and all... unless it is from a guy whom I like then that's a different story altogether (of course it would be great if the guy that I fancy fancies me too duh!).

#9 I'm just not interested. I'm not willing, or ready, to give my heart out to anyone. I'm not even sure if I ever got it back.

#10 Wouldn't it be nice if you could have things your way?

#11 I wish you could just disappear. Please, just leave.

#12 I don't want to answer your tricky questions because I know you know the answer and because answering it won't make any difference. I wouldn't want to lie (or maybe, I should) because you know me well enough if I do and lying to you just doesn't seem to be how I roll so I always end up telling the truth. But you see, it makes no difference, so why bother.

#13 I can't help but think that I am one of those stupid girls. I know I was, once, but tell me, am I now? I'm afraid to find out the truth but I (think I) know the answer. Knowing it doesn't make it any less scary, and sad. What I am sure about is that is not the cause of why I feel the way I do, because it is more than that. It has always been more than that. I just don't know what's the case with you.

#14 If I could be granted a wish I want to know everything that I don't know, everything that is hidden from me. Or maybe I want to have the ability to know secrets from people, or if they're lying and ooh! to know what they're thinking. The last ability could be a bit scary and backfire on me and hurt me... but it frustrates me how much I want to know things but I am not able to. So yes, genie please find me.

#15 You're different now.

#16 I miss you.



Love,
me.

The Day Owl

When all I want to do is sleep, all want makes me do, is think about you.

(via I Wrote This For You)

Kay

Mama cakap I muka tak malu.

Kejar orang.

T_____T

Sampai mak pun kata macam tu. Haih.

Monster

Please, go away. Just go away. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to have anything to do with you. I am not that pathetic weak girl you knew. I don't want to see you, talk to you or have any sort of contact with you. Stop bothering me and stop stop stop stalking me. You scare the shit out of me, all the more reason not to have anything to do with you. I don't like you. I hate you even.

Stop harassing me. I will not reply to that message, or any other stupid messages that you sent or will send to me. I really really NEVER want to see you again. Take a hint, okay.

So please, just go. Go catch a chicken. Or die. Whatever you like.

-.-"



Haih. Sakitnya hati tengok. Sakit sangat.

Stupid.

I had to learn it the hard way, because I was too stupid to listen.

From Mum, Dad, from you even.

Regarding friends, life, secrets, love and most of all, trust.

The people I once hold a high regard and place in my life are no longer there. I've moved them down to a lower spot and currently, there is only one, or two who is still standing. The rest have repeatedly fooled me, upset me, disappoint me, betrayed me and left me behind for 'better' friends.

I always thought when you cherished people as much, they will do the same to you... but somehow that theory seems to be proven wrong. They will however, step on you, betray you, leave you behind, and hurt you if you give them crap, or even if you didn't or haven't. Sadly, I have also played that part towards someone I (claim to) care about and messed up every single thing I could.

I have wronged and have been wronged to.

What goes around comes around, they say. You hurt people and they hurt you back. I believe in that. God pays cash. Zap! For what I did to you I got it from them, and now I am left with no one.

Maybe I will never be good enough, even if I tried. Not for anyone.

So hear this: most friends, they suck. Only one, or if you're lucky, two will stick by you and be true. The rest are just there to share your triumphs, but not your sorrows. && this is only regarding friends. For 'em other things you would have to discover on your own.

The final straw

I feel like talking shit crazy stuff and do those stuff that I feel like talking about. No second thoughts. Just do it. Get it over with and everyone will live happily ever after.

But I can't do that now, can I?

That's the last you'll ever have

They say bad things come in threes.

What's worse is, when you actually want to make amends and correct all your wrongs and try to make things right, by being better in the ways that you suck most; your past actions came crawling back and bring you down once again.

There are always consequences to your actions, and sometimes you are just plain stupid (bebal) to not think or know of it.

There you go.

In threes they came alright.

Strikeout.

You're out of chances, out of luck, out of trust.

Michael

You have no idea how much anger and disappointment I feel towards you right now.

Paolo

Maybe it's the songs that I've been listening to but I have a compelling sense of missing you today.

Maybe it's just me.

Caesar

Today, I found an old friend who has the same sad story as I do. I know exactly how you feel. Welcome aboard, mate. I hope that we'll get through this, you with yours, and I, with mine.

Here's to the future.

Guardi

Oh, it's here again. I can't believe it's been this long.

Babyface's voice will sing me to sleep tonight. && nobody knows it but me.. sigh.