After finding my bookshelves in a mess due to Izzati's doing, a cleaning demon took control over me and I cleared up 5 slots of the shelves, rearranged all the books involved and threw unwanted stuff out. While rummaging through piles of files, I found my old, my very first diary - dated in February 2003, which was 7 years ago!
Three years ago, I thought the diary was funny and hilarious - full of silly moments that shouldn't even be in a diary in the first place. I thought the whole Kime episode must have been quite important to me as well, I think about 80% of the diary is solely about him. You can see how pathetic I was here. But now, it doesn't seem all too funny. Looking at things in a different perspective, I feel more stupid than ever, for the grammatical errors I made and for being too hopeful... and stupid too.
Needless to say, I was a young hopeless romantic who watched too many romantic comedies and wrote every bit about the guy she liked, and every time she saw him for that matter! I couldn't read the whole book as I got quite bored - the handwriting didn't help either. I never knew my handwriting was THAT bad.
Reading the diary, or some parts of it proved that I, quote Mama "suka orang, tapi orang tak suka awak". It's a fact. I tend to like people but they don't even like me, but all this liking is only mere.. what shall we call it? Infatuation? Current eye candy? Whatever it is, it has never been anything serious. I have liked quite a few people and loved even fewer. One. Two? Scratch that, just one. I much prefer if that part of my life is erased, so I'm going to act like it didn't happen.
Well, I was quite the teenager.
Rejection at a 'liking' level is so much different, bearable and painless than of an 'already in love' level. My sentences are all over the place but please, bear with me on this one.
Anyways, I've decided to hold a diary burning ceremony when I get back to campus, as a sign of farewell to that phase of my high school life. I don't need writing to remind me of what happened, because I can remember well enough and partly because I do not want to be reminded of it.
There's still so much room to improve, on being a better person and I'm trying my best to fill that space, even if you can't see it. I will sigh less and smile more and be positive like I was before.
Onward!
Three years ago, I thought the diary was funny and hilarious - full of silly moments that shouldn't even be in a diary in the first place. I thought the whole Kime episode must have been quite important to me as well, I think about 80% of the diary is solely about him. You can see how pathetic I was here. But now, it doesn't seem all too funny. Looking at things in a different perspective, I feel more stupid than ever, for the grammatical errors I made and for being too hopeful... and stupid too.
Needless to say, I was a young hopeless romantic who watched too many romantic comedies and wrote every bit about the guy she liked, and every time she saw him for that matter! I couldn't read the whole book as I got quite bored - the handwriting didn't help either. I never knew my handwriting was THAT bad.
Reading the diary, or some parts of it proved that I, quote Mama "suka orang, tapi orang tak suka awak". It's a fact. I tend to like people but they don't even like me, but all this liking is only mere.. what shall we call it? Infatuation? Current eye candy? Whatever it is, it has never been anything serious. I have liked quite a few people and loved even fewer. One. Two? Scratch that, just one. I much prefer if that part of my life is erased, so I'm going to act like it didn't happen.
Well, I was quite the teenager.
Rejection at a 'liking' level is so much different, bearable and painless than of an 'already in love' level. My sentences are all over the place but please, bear with me on this one.
Anyways, I've decided to hold a diary burning ceremony when I get back to campus, as a sign of farewell to that phase of my high school life. I don't need writing to remind me of what happened, because I can remember well enough and partly because I do not want to be reminded of it.
There's still so much room to improve, on being a better person and I'm trying my best to fill that space, even if you can't see it. I will sigh less and smile more and be positive like I was before.
Onward!
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