There's so much that I want to say, to write, to express, but by no means writing it in such a fashion that I choose not to write at all.
Lost in my own thoughts, as John plucked the guitar and sang...
"Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down"
I feel like I'm going down, all the way down.
I woke up to find my WHITE sloggi panties, the one I was wearing, all RED. I just had my periods, this morning. Great, should've seen it coming. I tried my best with it but I don't think it can be saved. Oh well, there goes another panty.
I've been saying a lot of "should've...(s)" in my sentences nowadays it's annoying as I personally don't fancy such a word, let alone have it in my vocabulary. I really should stop prcrastinating.
PMS gets the best of me, always.
I don't feel like doing anything right now. Maybe it's the endless list I wrote the day before, of what I have (& want) to do this holiday, that it suddenly felt like such a burden on my already poor aching back. I have always been this ambitious, always with plans and more new plans every time but I am also, and always have been such a procrastinator and a lazy bum that most of my so-called plans always, without fail, fail. I want it to change this time, no longer wanting to use the utterly annoying word "should've" by the end of this three-week break. No, not again. I've already failed myself (& others) this semester, by doing every wrong that I could think of, be it sleep so late and miss a lot of my prayers, eat so much that I look like a whale now, fooled around and never studied like I did before and so on. I am a disappointment. I've calculated my chances, with such low carry marks and even lower results, my chances on getting DL is zero. ZILCH. NIL. NONE. I might not even get a 3-pointer. Lo and behold of the lectures to come courtesy of Mr. Ramli and Mrs. Kay, mainly from the former.
Dear you who's reading this, do you how much I want to, how I wish I could? I wish you knew and I hope you'd understand. Maybe you would, maybe you could, but I still feel the same. I feel the guilt, of not being there with you on such a day. I feel sorry for myself, for not being able to be like everyone else, gay and free and I feel sorry for you, I am sorry for you, for having someone like me, someone who's restricted, confined and bound to rules and even more rules. I feel like the big bad wolf, of wrong, of nothingness. I feel sad, always being the one who ALWAYS misses out on almost, if not practically, everything, not just with what's coming, but with everything that has happened, everything. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you so, I'm sorry.
I'm just having holiday blues.
Lost in my own thoughts, as John plucked the guitar and sang...
"Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down"
I feel like I'm going down, all the way down.
I woke up to find my WHITE sloggi panties, the one I was wearing, all RED. I just had my periods, this morning. Great, should've seen it coming. I tried my best with it but I don't think it can be saved. Oh well, there goes another panty.
I've been saying a lot of "should've...(s)" in my sentences nowadays it's annoying as I personally don't fancy such a word, let alone have it in my vocabulary. I really should stop prcrastinating.
PMS gets the best of me, always.
I don't feel like doing anything right now. Maybe it's the endless list I wrote the day before, of what I have (& want) to do this holiday, that it suddenly felt like such a burden on my already poor aching back. I have always been this ambitious, always with plans and more new plans every time but I am also, and always have been such a procrastinator and a lazy bum that most of my so-called plans always, without fail, fail. I want it to change this time, no longer wanting to use the utterly annoying word "should've" by the end of this three-week break. No, not again. I've already failed myself (& others) this semester, by doing every wrong that I could think of, be it sleep so late and miss a lot of my prayers, eat so much that I look like a whale now, fooled around and never studied like I did before and so on. I am a disappointment. I've calculated my chances, with such low carry marks and even lower results, my chances on getting DL is zero. ZILCH. NIL. NONE. I might not even get a 3-pointer. Lo and behold of the lectures to come courtesy of Mr. Ramli and Mrs. Kay, mainly from the former.
Dear you who's reading this, do you how much I want to, how I wish I could? I wish you knew and I hope you'd understand. Maybe you would, maybe you could, but I still feel the same. I feel the guilt, of not being there with you on such a day. I feel sorry for myself, for not being able to be like everyone else, gay and free and I feel sorry for you, I am sorry for you, for having someone like me, someone who's restricted, confined and bound to rules and even more rules. I feel like the big bad wolf, of wrong, of nothingness. I feel sad, always being the one who ALWAYS misses out on almost, if not practically, everything, not just with what's coming, but with everything that has happened, everything. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you so, I'm sorry.
I'm just having holiday blues.
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