Grenade

I miss you. Sigh.

I made a lot of typos

I read a few of my older posts and I realized how jubilant I was before. I wrote plenty of lists and happy things, compared to what I mostly write these days. I am sorry if I bore you with my qualms, reader but fret not, I will be writing some of the lists, as I religiously do so every single year.

But for now, I shall go to bed.

After One

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time.

Happy days

Had a lovely time with these lovely ladies and bought a pair of earrings that made me feel like a girly girl.. and I kind of liked it.

Overdue

I'm in the mood to tell you things but the mood to write in a happy, proper tone just didn't set in. So excuse the dull sentences you are about to read throughout the post.

Ban Kuan and Penang was lovely. We rented an Estima and had a jolly ride all the way there and back. We loved it so much Dad is considering of getting one, as we are in need of one. Penang was lovely. Stayed at Golden Sands by Shangri-La over at Baru Ferringhi and had a jolly time at the Adventure Zone. There were three really really high slides and they were amazing, although truthfully, I was such a nervous wreck going down the red drop slide. It is literally free falling. Scared the geez out of me but it was fun nonetheless. Jet skiing was super awesome and had sunburns but it's all good now. Ate like a pig, buffet here and there, morning and night. I miss Penang. I miss kampung.

The wedding was nice. Had minor diarrhoea, about 6 of us did. Am happy for Paksu An and his wife Maksu Mas. A young uncle, Dad's cousin, he is.

School's reopened, for about a week now. I've been going out often. Went out with Farah and got stuff for school, watched Due Date which was crazy funny, went out on a date Ramblings, discovered the softest, best soup noodles ever over at Pavilion and bought earrings for her, went out with the gang and watched Tron which was overrated and dull, had a dinner date with Syukri and Niksu over at Simpang and Burger Habib which were delicious (so glad they liked it!), went out on a date with Fatin and Farahin Bo and bought a pair of earrings for myself and wore them and felt like such a girl! I did so many things I lost count haha. I think I might have missed some.

Spent the weekend at home, stuck in a jam at Imbi Road, ate Krispy Kreme and totally loved it, went to Pavilion for the third time that week and ate 'em noodles for the third time, almost bought a Spongebob jumper which did not look good on me and went home empty handed. I did however, stumbled onto a very pretty (and pretty pricey) pair of T-shirt over at Jim Thompson, but like I said, it came with a hefty price tag, retailing at RM 248 per tshirt but I absolutely loved it. I probably should have just asked Mum for it. Hmm. Sister got her Jim Thompson bag and tshirt though, no kid.

Planning to meet the girl who are friends with the squirrel, if she's reading this :) Yes, I would like to meet you please, and maybe chit chat over coffee, books and clothes. And perhaps you could teach me how to wrap that hijab like you do hehe.

The girl has got some issues with me. I think. She left as soon as I arrived. What is her problem? I wonder. Hmm. It was a definite for having, for just one ninth of a second, the thought that I could TRY and be her friend so that who knows, I'd understand her better and get along. Heh. Oh well. I'll do my part and be a good girl.

Hmm. Just realized I've only ironed half my clothes for tomorrow. Slept for 3 hours in the evening which explains why I'm still up at this hour, having the want to tell things but the laziness of .... hmm what do you compare laziness to.. I don't know.

And here I am, listening to songs that reminds me of you, which also, reminds me of how much I used to love you. Used to.. really? Hmm, maybe it's safer to stick with the past tense ;)

&& for the record, you, my dear, will always deny that fact, because you don't see what I see in you, and in my eyes, you will always be, a wonderboyy.


Good night, and sweet dreams.



Love,
me.

:)

I've so much to tell! Soon. Very soon.

Love,
me.

The Day Owl (repost)

When all I want to do is sleep, all want makes me do, is think about you.


(via I Wrote This For You)

-

Oh la. Sayangnya. Sayang sangat.

Of plans and trips

It's two in the morning and I've finally settled planning and confirming our last minute getaway with Mum. Will be going back to Dad's hometown in Kedah on the 7th, but will not be staying at our beloved kampung, sadly the house is too old (usang) and dusty etc to live in, so we'll be staying at the Darul Aman Golf Resort.

Paksu An's getting married on the 8th (which reminds me that there are 3 birthdays on that day, take note), which is the prime reason of this trip. I am looking forward to it, although a tad sad that we won't be staying at the kampung itself but still happy, as I haven't been back for more than 2 years now, I think. I've been busy with school all this time and we didn't go back for Raya last time. So yes, looking forward to meet all the familiar, friendly faces in Kampung Bukit or Ban Kuan <3

And then the last minute getaway.. well, stay tuned ;)

Norm

Someone asked me earlier today, how's the boy hunting going? Ahaks, that got me laughing. Truth be told, there haven't been any sort of hunting at all. There are just distractions in the form of old friends, current friends and new friends - boys and girls, mind you.

I'm just trying to make the best out of what I've got.

Like A Dart That Hits The Spot

(via Syukri Shairi)

This one hits close to home. Too close.

The Meadow

Tadi makan nasi putih, telur mata and kicap masin, lepas tu teringat kat Abg Chey, Abg Epui and Shafiq and how they say that I ni berhaluan kiri sebab makan dengan kicap masin. Ahaha, ahh good times, walaupun kena buli.

Oh how I miss them.

Heh. Tersengih sorang sorang sambil makan and dengar lagu The Meadow, the latest craze :)

I miss you sometimes.

:)

I'll be okay. I should be, right?

Realize

In between the funniness of it all, there lies a glimpse of sadness, hidden from the surface but felt undoubtedly.

Be calm, be better - she whispers.

The Line Is Busy

Always a slight tinge of sadness after every unanswered phone call.

Going down slow

As of late, I take things with a pinch of salt. Little things impress me, except for food, of course. Food will never fail to entice me, day in and day out. Others, however, as much as I want them to, do not.

Hmm..

In every statement, in every act, in every reaction... there will always, always be a tinge of sadness, felt.

It is the same as a broken smile, a fake smile, a forced smile complete with glassy eyes (teary eyes?) and a sobbing heart. It's inevitable.

On a different note, I'm not doing so bad. Well, I'd like to think of it that way :)

:|

It's annoying.

Question

How could one not believe in relationships but believe in love? Seriously?

So you'd love the person, go about with whoever you want because hey, you're not in a relationship. It's more like those so called open relationships. Really? Really?

You my dear, contradict yourself from time to time.

A letter for you

Hey you,

How are you? I hope you're well. I haven't heard from you in a while now. Been busy huh? Busy man, you are one. I'm at home now, been home for two days already. It's been pretty good. I made sandwiches, slept in a little longer than I had hoped and spent time with family. Boredom haven't strike in just yet - I hope this time it'll come a little bit later than usual.

There are a few things I have set out to do this holiday, all within the confined space of my abode. Not that I have a choice now, do I? I plan on jogging everyday and I will see to it that it happens and follow through. I also plan on making at least three dishes from Jamie's cookbook, which reminds me, I have yet to check on the possible recipes, by possible here I mean something which at least two of my family members will eat and made out of ingredients I can actually find.

I look forward to having Korean food and Pavlova, if I can ever convince Mum to take me, but I'll try. I have been longing for that for a long time now - you see, it's hard to find friends who would actually want to try that sort of thing because most people are simply too scared to get out of their comfort zones to try new things and are just plain boring. I don't blame them but I gotta hand it to you, it sucks sometimes because you'll end up staying in as there's really no one who's up for it. Hmm...maybe I just need to find foodie friends, like me :)

So far, for the past two days, my plan to sleep no later than midnight has failed, miserably. I will try my best to avoid it, tomorrow. My workout plan however, just kick started today. I hope I will be able to keep it up.

I sort of miss having you around. Maybe you can tell me your stories now. I would love to hear from you. I hope you're well, wherever you are.



Love,
me.

The Monsters I Miss

And every single thing you ever did that bothered me, is every single thing I miss.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Dimitri

As of today, I am no longer a P driver! Hurrah! I can't believe it's been two years since I got my license, that the period is finally over and I can drive Mama's car without that P sticker on it. Big deal. Because I failed my first exam and took the whole course all over again after one and a half years on hold; I was occupied with school.

Exams have been pretty depressing. I am quite disappointed to learn that I may not be able to get the Dean's List, yet again, this semester. I thought I was doing well, but, apparently I was not. My carry marks are less than encouraging and I fear that the final exam papers will not do much. I should really take a mental note and not repeat this feat again next semester.

Next semester will mark my third year in IIU and with 5 subjects registered, I intend to do more. I must do more, else, how will I ever graduate with first class honours? I want to make my parents proud too, it's been a while since I did. Sorry folks.

That aside, my health seems to be getting better. I can speak now, but I can't sing just yet. I have been in a pretty good mood too, despite the circumstances. The tweeties gang over at twitter really gives me a reason to smile. Despite being unable to speak or see anybody, these wonderful group of people have kept me company the entire time. Thank you gang, I appreciate it dearly :)

It's almost four now and my eyes are wide open. I must try to force myself to sleep now lest I'll be cranky in the morning when I have to wake up.

I hope to see you again before my holidays, it would be really nice if I could.



Love,
me.

Omelette du fromage

I've been tweeting a lot these days, with a bunch of new people I hardly know and yet I feel like I've known them forever; a crazy (good kind of way hehe) and funny bunch that gives me the breath of fresh air that I desperately need. They're nice and they call me Oreo, which they got off my twitter username. I have to admit, it brings back memories to the times when the gang actually called me that. Those were sweet memories, when we all had nicknames and had a laugh out of everything, every single time. I kind of miss that, y'know?

But evidently, as of all things, we grew out of that phase, morphed into different people, hopefully for the better and things were not always as sweet as they once were. I still love them, no matter how much they piss me off because, we're family and that's what families do, they put up with each other.

I don't see much of them these days, with final exams and last minute studying and it made me miss them very much, and hurts me every time they're out and about and well, I'm the only who's not invited.

My exams end this Saturday and after that I'll be seeing Ramblings, finally. I've missed her so, and I cannot wait for our long conversation and catching up session. We are both in dire need of that. I'm looking forward to go home too. I miss every one of them lot - Mama, Abah, Faiqah, Amani, Izzati and of course my dearest Rawsyad. I could really use some quality time, away from the people and things that upset me.

I hope you're well, wherever you are. I miss you sometimes.

Sore throat

Hi, I've been gone for a while. Did you miss me? I doubt that. Currently having my final exams so I'll be back after, I hope. I kind of missed you too.

I hope you're doing well, wherever you are.


Love,
me.

You should be really happy now.

You can't treat people like shit and then expect them to treat you like kings and queens. It just doesn't work that way.

Things happen for a reason and you yourself know that you're not always right. Karma's a bitch. There must be a reason why shit happens to you, but don't get mad when it does, you probably deserved it. Like you probably deserved being called a bitch for jokingly agreeing to something that everyone else has already perceived because someone else portrayed themselves that way. Or being given the silent treatment because they thought you probably deserved it.

Hmm, probably.

Because not everyone's nice. And not everyone thinks about other people's feelings. And you're a person with a big heart. If they can't give a fuck or two about you, then you should put them in your pre-loved box when you hold a garage sale of your friends.

They don't give a fuck. You should too.


I hope you're happy.

One In A Million

Baby you're so one in a million, you are
Baby you're the best I ever had ♥

Bila dengar lagu ni buat rasa macam in love je. Buat rasa sayaaaaang sangat despite the circumstances. It just evokes that emotion, you know?

This one's for you.

Girl,

Careful now, or you might just fall...

You wouldn't want to scrape yourself now, do you?

Lesson learnt

Funny how we used to make each other happy now we're juts so good at pissing each other off. But if it helps make you feel better, then I guess I'll just have to settle for that. Because that would just have to do, because I can no longer make you happy.

Hey,

I know that's dangerous, but I'm amused by you.

The 45th

Thank you for everything. Thank you for tolerating with all 5 of us. Thank you for attending to almost all of our needs. Thank you for not losing your temper even though you only get 3 hours of sleep every night and a whole lot of stress during the day. Thank you for being understanding, and thank you for your love. I know I don't say it enough, I hardly say it, but, I love you.

Happy Birthday Mama ♥

The Times We Shared.

Whenever the topic of high school came up, I always cringe in my seat and feel uneasy. High school left me a sour note due to the fact that it was highly related with the douchebag I was with then.. but now that I think of it, I did have a number of happy days prior to the biggest mistake.

I was a happy adolescent, innocent and a little less mean that I am now. I had the biggest crush on a boy and for what I thought was the longest time of my high school life hahahaha, as well as a few other short-term crushes on some other dudes. I had such a good time being young and single. I had great friends, seniors and classmates. Life was simpler then, everything was. I loved being a prefect, I thought the head boy we had then was the best we've ever had over the four-year period of being a prefect. Yes, I'm talking about you, although I was a tad scared of you back then and I don't know why. I loved spending recess with the seniors (fourth, and then, fifth formers, class of 2004), Izwan and the gang. They were such a fun bunch. Ooh and I loved watching a particular boy from my class right after recess is over while waiting for the next teacher to arrive to class. Haha yeah I sound like a total stalker huh? :P


I had two silly guy friends, my first best guy friends ever, who teased (and tortured) me and told on me! (about the crush omg!) but I loved the silly two. I remember running about the class chasing those two for bullying me. I had a best friend whom I called every single day and spent almost of my first three years of high school with, told every secret to, ate, laughed, joked, played piano and checked out hot seniors with hahaha. I loved cycling about the neighbourhood to see them play football, or maybe bump into that boy on that Vulcan motorcycle. I loved playing baseball with the kids from the block or just hang out in front of their houses and talk. I loved extra curriculum activities, I loved running too hah! I loved the feeling I had when I sang acapella in front of the whole school.

Ahh life was good, and things were great. I was such a happy (thinner) kid.

But time has changed us all, and took us away from each other. Time has changed me.

I made the biggest mistake of my life (regretfully) by being with an airhead. I became, sadly, a lot less innocent and definitely colder. The huge crush ended along with the other minor ones. I learnt things the hard way and things got way complicated. I grew bored of being a slave to the teachers. The seniors left and we lost touch and evidently, there was no boy to look from my class because he left too. I haven't seen my two silly boys for the longest time and I hardly know, speak to and see the girl that was once my very best friend. I stopped cycling and going out of the house altogether and then I grew fat, and ugly(ier). And sadly enough, the boy with the Vulcan died.


We grew up, we got busy that we forgot about each other and we lost touch.


But for what it's worth, I'm happy and thankful that you were a part of my life, from the smallest of ways to the biggest, and I'm still happy, even though things may not be the same now. If it wasn't for you lot, I'd be hating high school altogether, but luckily for me, I had you.

Thank you for being there. Even if you think you didn't do much, or played a role in my life, you did. Thanks for the memories, dear friends. I wish you well, wherever you are. Thank you.


And who knows, I'll see you soon then :)



Love,
me.

Seize the day

Because I feel good today. Don't shed no tears darlin. Nuh woman, nuh cry. Everything's gonna be alright.

Thank youuuuuuu.

Beethoven's Third

To his Immortal Beloved.

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours.

The most beautiful love letter in history. Such longing. It pains me every time :'(

The Clearly Labelled

I think you'll find you're mistaken. My name is clearly written across the front and I recognise the scratch down the side (that happened in high school). This is my heart. You can't just come here, and take it.


(via I Wrote This For You)


-- I can totally relate. LOVE IT !

2 Step

Sometimes I wish to just stop walking, sing out loud and do some silly dance moves while I'm at it. Just be crazy and let loose, and then continue walking again. Or, dance while I walk, whatever.

Listening to fast, happy, catchy beats makes me want to do just that.

But of course I couldn't.. well, not yet anyway. I might just do it someday and get a good laugh out of it. It'll be nice if someone would join me though. Then we'll be like Glee or Grease or High School Musical or something.

Ok, clearly I watch too much tv :P

Backtrack

Please, don't change. Stay the same.

Be better, but please, don't be worse.

I know I don't have any say, but it scares me sometimes. Can't help it.

Badgley

People throw their words carelessly and say things they don't mean. Insincere flattery, excessive praises - they wear their hearts out on their sleeves.

Step out of it, it's nauseating.

Must be blogged in Manglish

So petang tadi kan, I pergi la KLCC sebab nak bayar bill handphone. Pergi sorang sorang sebab takde kawan nak ajak and tak tau sapa nak ajak and well.. banyak je la alasan. Lagi senang pergi sorang. So naik la LRT sampai KLCC. Sampai je, jalan terus ke kedai DiGi yang sebelah RotiBoy. Pastu kan pastu kan.. bila masuk kedai nak bayar je, dia tulis kat counter tu - SYSTEM DOWN.

Kiranya tak boleh lah bayar bill. Hah! Buat penat ja pergi. Dah la sorang. Terus bosan. So pergi la kinokuniya, beli calendar, makan sorang sorang ala loser lepas tu balik. Lepas tu call call tak dapat, rasa macam boyan sikit.

Tapi takpa la, nasib baik the night wasn't so bad. Mood pun okay hehe. Kalau tak, mesti macam tekanan. Semua pun dah balik - Wafa, Alan, Farah, Amir, Shafiq. Siapa lagi ada? Nak pergi convest pun takde teman. Boring. Tapi nasib baik dah makan.

Haa, harini takde mood nak blog properly. Sebab nak cerita tadi tu la. Ok then. Nak tengok HIMYM and makan lagi sebab orang tu belikan. Thanks for sending me back ye awak. You're awesome liddat hehe. Memang my saviour betul you ni ;) hehe.

Later gators.

Gustav

I should have known better.

The Nature Of My Body

That sound you hear, that's the sound of someone realising that sometimes, it's easier to change the world than it is your own life.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Saviour

Thank youuuuuuu. Thank youuuu so much ! You really are my saviour hehe. xx

Close to my heart

Do you remember the time when they played for the first time?

I just called to say I love you
I just called to say how much I care
I just called to say I love you
And I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you.

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you.

I never make a promise that
I don't intend to keep
So when I say forever,
Forever's what I mean
Well, I'm no Casanova but
I swear this much is true
I'll be holding nothing back
When it comes to you

No one else comes close to you
No one makes me feel the way you do
You're so special girl to me
And you'll always be eternally
Every time I hold you near
You always say the words I love to hear
Girl with just a touch you can do so much
No one else comes close


Let's remember the good times, shall we? I'm Alyaa and today my mood is pretty good :) Tu me manques.

Ronaldo

There's a lot of things that you have to do, that you must do, but first, start with yourself.

Be better.

The Molten Core

This world is hard. It has sharp edges and points that cut. It'll make you choose between love, money and sleep. Choose love each time and sleep when you can, money - only when you must.

Because this world is hard. And at times, it is too hard, for me.

(via I Wrote This For You)

Sadly I'm not a robot

Bila dah semua orang pun, even the ones that mattered, buat macam tu kat you, mana tak sedih kan? Paling paling pun terasa. Terluka. Terkilan.

Nothing but a bunch of fat disappointments.

Stupid girl.

Dr. Horton

Irregardless to whether your friend can make it or not, you should just invite them to your event because a) they are your friend, no? b) it's not like you have a limit of people that you're allowed to invite, unless you do, but I reckon you don't and c) if you think that by not inviting them because you know, or think so well that they cannot make it, would hurt them less, you're wrong. The damage is worse, actually.

The most probable thing to happen is that, when they see all the fun, happy pictures of the said event and realize that almost all of your mutual friends are there except for themselves, they'll feel surprised (and a not good one at it), taken aback, hurt, left out and a tad confused as to why you did not invite them or bother mentioning to them as they had to find out about it through (goddammit) Facebook when it's all over the news.

So basically, what you SHOULD do, or should have done, is to just invite them. Yang lain tu belakang cerita. It's called COURTESY, honey. And sadly, if not unfortunately, you fell short on that.

Web of lies

#1 The difference is, you can do all the shit stuff you wanna do to that person and the other person that reality doesn't allow you. Kan? At least, there, even if it hurts, it's just a dream whereas in reality you can't really go jump off the 24th floor because then you'll be dead. Unless... it's where you really want to be.

#2 If that is how you portray yourself, don't act so surprised and confused when they actually think and say such things about you. It's predictable, and you know it, so you should know better. People see what they wanna see... or they just see what is presented to them. It's just how things work. Don't blame anyone but yourself.

#3 All this hate will get you nowhere. Just let it go. Or you'll end up losing your sanity, and my dear, for such a piece of meat, it is not worth it.

#4 It hurts every time. Every single one of them. It's like being stabbed - you feel the pain, but you just don't die.

Speechless

Just as I thought. I was right.

I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

And I'll never love again,
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

What's the difference? When both dreams and reality sucks the same and there's really no other place to turn?

Hmm. Sedih pulak dengar lagu Gaga ni.

Stress, potong. Terus.

Relations

Remember the time Barney felt awkward and sad every time he heard Ted and Robin talked about them hooking up to resolve problems? How it was funny and okay to them? Remember how Barney would leave the table every single time so that he could smash some tv to ease the pain?

Remember the time Marshall had the conversation with Barney and Robin about the 'reacher' and 'settler' in a relationship and Marshall went up to confront Lily about it, only to hear Lily say that she's the settler? Remember how he said "HOW could you say that?!" and how hurt, well sorta, he was to know that Lily settled for him?

Remember how Robin cried every time she hears about Barney's latest hook up with some HOT chick? Remember how she said to Barney that, it made her feel as if she was just another number among his other conquests? As if she meant that little?

Been there.

A classic dreamer

I blame romantic comedies, love stories and all things poetic for making me a hopeless romantic. For making me want to have, to experience such things. But then again, even if I didn't heard of these, I would still be one - suppose I take it from the father.

It's not such a bad thing. But it can be a bad thing when it's among the things you always dream of. Even if you dream of it quietly, you know? Cheesy as it may be, that's the way I want it (I would sound like those lines they give you in the movies, no really).

I want my happy ever after - I want a love that will last.

Alyaa memang kuat berangan. Kaki berangan. Takpa lah. Hey, we all want it now, don't we? I just have the balls to say 'em cheesy mushy things. Sue me ;)

Anti-histamin

I do not like taking my meds. Ever. Since I was a kid. I don't know if it's phobia or what (nah, don't think it is) but I just do not like to take my meds. Especially those liquid ones. Ugh antibiotics! Cough syrup! Please lord. What I don't mind taking, however, is a couple of Neurofens to help soothe my PMS or really bad headaches, Zyrtec or Aerius for my sinus problem, and the occasional Vitamin C, Spirulina and Seven Seas cod liver oil capsules cause they don't taste like meds.

Tried to take a Zyrtec yesterday since we ran out of Zyrtec-Ds and I had the gag effect (couldn't swallow) twice! And the pill sort of dissolved slightly on my tongue which caused a bitter taste. The horror. So I had to take some liquid Augmentin just now, and thankfully it wasn't so bad, didn't taste too antibiotic-y like most antibiotics back in the days. I remember barfing right after I took one, a long time ago, and I got quite a scold for it. Tsk. Just my luck. Skipped the cough syrup because... well one is enough for the night.

Now I know you doctors-to-be out there may not agree but at the moment, I am my own doctor. Because going to the doctor will only cost my time, energy, effort and oh yeah, my Mum's money and she/he will give the same old meds that I already have stacked up in our medicine cupboard so let's just skip the chase and do it my own way. Hey, it works. Normally I don't do antibiotics because you have to follow them but today calls for it. I cannot stand having that much green mucus anymore. Please, pardon the language. You may blog skip now if you fancy.

So now the whole family, one by one is down with either flu or fever and poor little baby Rawsyad is down with it too. Poor thing, he's having such a hard time, with the rashes and the tummy aches and now runny nose and high temperature. I hope he'll be better in the morning. Kesian Mama jaga, penat... dia tak henti henti menangis kita dah tak tahu nak buat apa.

I'm waiting for the medicine to kick in - for me to fall asleep. The ones they claim will make me sleepy hardly ever work on me while mocha works better instead. Figures.

So I just played walked talked with Rawsyad and let him chase the shadows and I think the little boy is finally content enough to go to bed. Kesian bila budak kecik tak sihat. Dah lah tak boleh nak cakap. Hmm, payah nak jadi mak nanti ni. If jadi mak la ;)

So yeah. I'm gonna try to sleep. Long day tomorrow. Bank in the morning with Adik and then I have to deal with my essay. Oh essay. Time to call for reinforcements hah hah ha.

Good night everyone.

Augmentin

Had a lovely Eid with friends and family. And even though my baju raya kinda sucked and looked cheap, I had a happy time and oh, wore Mama's old kebaya instead tee hee hee.

Am currently down with flu, sore throat and a big whoop of a tummy. I have tried eating less but it's doing me no good. It's time to hit the treadmill. Run baby run, and throw in 'em crunches too. I wanna get back into shape.

Why did I exercise again some time ago? Oh yes, I was depressed. Really depressed. And so I started running almost every morning and I did hundreds of crunches everyday and I controlled my food intake and lost a few pounds. And then I stopped.

Surely I don't have to get really depressed to start working out again, right? The constant load stress that I go through now should be enough to push me. Yes. It should.

But for now, I'm gonna finish my chores, hit the showers and go to bed. Good night.

Candlesticks

I would like to think of myself as 'cultured' where food is concerned, that is. Don't think I have that much of knowledge about other things in the world. I do, however, have tasted quite a variety of food and is always on the look out for new things to eat. Which brings us to the second uh.. noun? and that is daring. Or adventurous. Especially where my taste buds are concerned.

I have a thing for food. Korean. Japanese. French. Italian. You name it. If it's halal then I am up for it. It's always exciting to try something new. I am still referring to food of course (now let's not get sidetracked).

For iftar yesterday I made the dish I had at Delicious last week - Smoked Salmon Angelhair tossed in Cream, served with Caviar and Parsley. I cooked it and it tasted pretty close to the one I had, slightly a bit salty as I put some extra caviar in it and a tad bit dry, because I was afraid I'd soak the pasta with cream (didn't want it to be heavy) - this is compared to the one they served over at Delicious but it tasted lovely anyhow. Mum made Aglio Olio Linguine with Shrimp and it tasted delightful. The chilli flakes, olive oil, garlic and basil blended really well and produced a fine yet simple meal. Pasta is such a simple dish. Next up would be Angelhair with Basil Pesto. I have a thing for Angelhair, because it's much lighter and easier to manage than spaghetti. I much prefer spaghettini than spaghetti if I have a choice but spaghettini is a little bit hard to find in this part of the world (as with Halibut) so I stick with Angelhair. Lovely lovely.

Anyhoo. Two days back I (finally!) had my kimchi with some calrose rice and Uncle Bob's chicken (bought from Bazaar Ramadan). Lovely. The kimchi was so strong (it was more than two weeks old) that Mum and Dad complained it being so smelly I had to eat it elsewhere. Hah ha.

I thought of fixing some caviar, hard-boiled eggs, diced onions and bleu cheese for supper but I realized I was way too bloated from the iftar earlier the evening. I think I ate too much. How can I not? There's so many types of food, choices! at home. You don't get that in college. There you just take what they offered.

Mum's eating Aglio Olio Linguine with Shrimp as we speak. She didn't get to eat much earlier, with all the fuss with the baby and everything. Poor boy got rash on his legs and isn't feeling so well. That little baby.

I should hit the sack now. Must be up early for the wet market, baking cookies, driving Mum and Rawsyad to the hospital and oh yeah, cleaning the house. Raya's not so fun this year. But ahh whatever.

Let's end with a fun note - some pictures of the adorable baby boy himself, all clad in Baju Melayu.

Ooh, and I'd like to take this opportunity to wish each and everyone of you a pleasant Eidulfitri, wherever you may be. Eid Mubarak everyone! Be safe :)


Love,
me.

The Day Tomorrow Came

I know you're busy doing all the things you always planned to do but remember, today is also the day that you kiss me.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Letters to Prague

Hi, how have you been? Did you miss me? I doubt you ever did. I've been alright, sitting here at this very desk watching the world move about from this very screen and I wonder how you're doing on the other side.

I've got nothing much to tell that I haven't told you already. Something happened, not so long ago and it got me worried everytime I think about it but I'm trying my best to stay calm, by distracting myself with other happy things. I pray that it will not continue further and will stay just that.

I had one of the best iftars in a very long time, with 11 loved ones last week. I had a lovely time and I hope you did too.

Oh, did I tell you that I finally bought Jamie Oliver's cookbook as well as Nigella's? Yes, indeed I have, along with two journals. Fantastic, all skulls and crossbones and everything. Unfortunately, I haven't the time to fill the pages as I've been busy with school and other activities and well, the words just won't come.

I cannot wait for Eid so that we can all feast on Mama's glorious cooking - ketupat palas, kari daging, nasi impit, kuah kacang, sambal sotong, kuah lodeh, laksa and of course 'em chocolate chip cookies and pineapple tarts. Ooh just the thought of it makes me drool.

By then, I'll be able to cook some food myself. I can't wait. I was thinking, dory baked fish topped with cherry tomatoes, mozarella and parmesan served with sauteed potatoes and rocket salad, just like the ones they serve at The Apartment :D And yesterday, I tried Chef John's (from Foodwishes) Summer Scrambled Eggs Recipe for break fast and it was scrumptious! I did however, replaced the fetta with Bega's Smokey BBQ sliced cheese as we didn't have any fetta. I might just resort to this from now on, a change from the usual plain American scrambled eggs. Major love! I even made it for sahur earlier today hah ha! You should definitely give it a try :)

In case you didn't know, I have recently discovered my love for cooking. First it's food, now cooking. I get all psyched everytime I talk about food and cooking stuff, hence the purchase of the two cookbooks. I would like to get started soon and boy I sure will. It's so much nicer and fun (funner?) when you get to fix these things yourself.

Anyway, I have to run now. I've got some chopping to do, of almonds and walnuts. It's been nice writing to you, whoever you may be, thank you for reading.

I'll talk to you soon, I hope (& I definitely will not wait for you to call me). Oh, did I mention that I miss you? Probably did. Anyways..

Till then.


Love,
me.

The Road Map

I missed you more than words and pictures can describe. But I'll try.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Repeat.

Step 1: Put head near wall.

Step 2: Bang head on wall.

Step: Repeat 1 & 2 100 times (or more).




I'm beginning to abhor this date. It's like taboo or something :(

Haih.

Kecewa.

:)

Can't sleep.

I'm trying so hard to be better. All in vain. Haih.

You have no --- idea how much I want to change things and make it different.

Joyful joyful

I had a lovely weekend. Pest-free, fun-filled and downright interesting, leaving me with all smiles and giggles.

Today marks Abg Epui's 31st birthday and we celebrated last night. All of us wore England jerseys in honour of England and Abg Epui's birthday as well to fit the England themed cupcakes I ordered. Much love!

The England/Worldcup themed cupcakes!

The brother: Abg Chey

The birthday boy: Aby Epui

That boy: Shafiq

The trio: Khalid Alan Wafa

Check that out!

:)

Abg Epui & wife, Kak Albi. So cute :)

Many thanks to the wonderful family of Uncle Baha, Aunty Noora, Abg Chey, Kak Sya, Abg Epui, Kak Albi, Pica, everyone else present as well as Alan, Wafa, Khalid and of course Indera Shafiq for the lovely weekend.



Happy Birthday Abg Epui! May this year brings more, in every way, than last year did.


Love,
me.

Little flowers

Do you realize that we can be patient and polite to strangers as well as our friends but we always fail to do so with our parents, siblings and those who we deemed is our equal - the ones we love?

Do you realize that it's much more easier for us to lose our patience and temper towards the people closest to us (again, the loved ones) rather than the ones whom we are not close to?

Do you realize that this things work both ways? I do onto you and you onto me.

It's sad, kan?

We piss them off easily, they piss us off easily, they get angry easily and we do too.

We should be nice to ourselves and also to the ones we so claim that we love. Really. Be nice to one another. And stop assuming things and accept things with an open mind.

I don't know about you, but that's what I have to do. That's what I've been trying to do for quite some time. Sometimes it prevails, sometimes, not so much.

Oh, and a few words from the wise;

If you think or feel that what you're about to do will piss that person off, you're probably right. Don't do it. It will only hurt them which will then hurt you.

Let's stop the cycle, shall we?

On a different note, I'm sorry for asking too much. My curiosity may some day be the death of me. I'm sorry to have wronged you.


Love,
me.

Deathlines

03/08/10
Information Retrieval Quiz 1 (Chapter 1, 2, 7)
Operation Systems Presentation (Mac OS X Snow Leopard?)

04/08/10
Database Systems II ... Quiz? Unsure, but be prepared.

05/08/10
Organizational Behaviour Quiz 1 (Chapter 1, 2, 3)

09/08/10
Web Programming II Quiz 1 (What chapter?)

10/08/10
Information Security Assignment 1
Operating Systems Assignment 1
Operating Systems Quiz 1 (Chapter 1, 2)

11/08/10
Web Programming II Assignment 1

12/08/10
Information Retrieval Assignment 1
Organizational Behaviour Tazkirah Presentaion



Apa lagi? Habis lah aih.


I need my daily dose of comfort/laughter/love/jokes/joy now.

Ulrich

"There's a little truth behind every just kidding, a little curiosity behind every just wondering, a little knowledge behind every I don't know, and a little emotion behind every I don't care"

Confession I

Do you know that you make me happy?

You do.

The Fragile Arc

It may have just been a moment to you, but it changed every single one that followed for me.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Fernando

#1 Give me a thousand more but you will always be my favourite, even when you're old or gone.

#2 You too, are my favourite.

#3 When you hold something close to your heart, it's just difficult to let go. No, I'm taking about the sentimental value I have towards my stuff. Not a person.

#4 But yes, it is just as hard, if not harder. So much harder.

#5 Sad songs are made for today.

When two meets six

I used to look forward to this date.

Now there's nothing to look forward to anymore.

Control.

I think I miss you stupid.

Urgh.

W

I wish I could give them the same answer I normally give when they ask me how I am, how we are. That I could say (insert normal happy answer) but I can't anymore. And it sucks having to give a more, sad and pitiful answer nowadays. I feel sorry for myself.

They keep asking the same questions, because they haven't heard from me for a long time. They didn't know. It's not their fault.

It's mine. It happened because of me.

Happy day

White rice, asam pedas kari ikan Tenggiri, Kailan ikan masin, ikan masin, telur dadar, Japanese rice, kimchi, kimchi ramen, choc chip vanilla cupcakes. YUM!

This was yesterday.

One thing that I love about being at home is that I get to eat all these glorious food and cook stuff. Like hotdogs, lasagnas, burgers, pizzas, pasta and the like. I love food and I like to cook :)

Must have Bulgogi and Kimchi at Ampang Point asap! I want my Korean fix hehe. Can't wait for this Saturday: I'm gonna get my Pavlova and Jasmine Tea at Alexis I don't care! Oooh the glorious food.

Much love, from me the foodie.

Princess Anastasia

After finding my bookshelves in a mess due to Izzati's doing, a cleaning demon took control over me and I cleared up 5 slots of the shelves, rearranged all the books involved and threw unwanted stuff out. While rummaging through piles of files, I found my old, my very first diary - dated in February 2003, which was 7 years ago!

Three years ago, I thought the diary was funny and hilarious - full of silly moments that shouldn't even be in a diary in the first place. I thought the whole Kime episode must have been quite important to me as well, I think about 80% of the diary is solely about him. You can see how pathetic I was here. But now, it doesn't seem all too funny. Looking at things in a different perspective, I feel more stupid than ever, for the grammatical errors I made and for being too hopeful... and stupid too.

Needless to say, I was a young hopeless romantic who watched too many romantic comedies and wrote every bit about the guy she liked, and every time she saw him for that matter! I couldn't read the whole book as I got quite bored - the handwriting didn't help either. I never knew my handwriting was THAT bad.

Reading the diary, or some parts of it proved that I, quote Mama "suka orang, tapi orang tak suka awak". It's a fact. I tend to like people but they don't even like me, but all this liking is only mere.. what shall we call it? Infatuation? Current eye candy? Whatever it is, it has never been anything serious. I have liked quite a few people and loved even fewer. One. Two? Scratch that, just one. I much prefer if that part of my life is erased, so I'm going to act like it didn't happen.

Well, I was quite the teenager.

Rejection at a 'liking' level is so much different, bearable and painless than of an 'already in love' level. My sentences are all over the place but please, bear with me on this one.

Anyways, I've decided to hold a diary burning ceremony when I get back to campus, as a sign of farewell to that phase of my high school life. I don't need writing to remind me of what happened, because I can remember well enough and partly because I do not want to be reminded of it.

There's still so much room to improve, on being a better person and I'm trying my best to fill that space, even if you can't see it. I will sigh less and smile more and be positive like I was before.

Onward!

Notes to Roberto

#1 If there is such a thing as a dislike button, I'd click it a hundred times and more. Because it irks me. Because you irk me.

#2 Truthfully, I like this week. It has been quite pleasant, emotional-free. I think you can guess why.

#3 I would say I'm quite flattered, only not so much.

#4 Sometimes listening to you engage in conversations regarding girls, pretty girls, sexy pretty girls, sexy pretty shallow girls and the other stuff you talk about scares me.

#5 And yes, it would be quite sad (or very sad, perhaps) if you get involved in those kinds of activities, because (somehow) I believe that you are one who keeps to his words, for most parts.

#6 It has only been a week and yet it feels like a month.

#7 I really want/need a new bag. I have my eyes on a Charles & Keith but Mum said the quality's bad and I would only be wasting my money away. Butbutbut.

#8 You're right, I do go after people. People here means boys. I rather like a person than have that person like me (in THAT manner) because then I wouldn't have to turn them down or brush them off. I'm not the kind who likes that kind of attention, unlike some people who simply adoressssss being adored, the chase and all... unless it is from a guy whom I like then that's a different story altogether (of course it would be great if the guy that I fancy fancies me too duh!).

#9 I'm just not interested. I'm not willing, or ready, to give my heart out to anyone. I'm not even sure if I ever got it back.

#10 Wouldn't it be nice if you could have things your way?

#11 I wish you could just disappear. Please, just leave.

#12 I don't want to answer your tricky questions because I know you know the answer and because answering it won't make any difference. I wouldn't want to lie (or maybe, I should) because you know me well enough if I do and lying to you just doesn't seem to be how I roll so I always end up telling the truth. But you see, it makes no difference, so why bother.

#13 I can't help but think that I am one of those stupid girls. I know I was, once, but tell me, am I now? I'm afraid to find out the truth but I (think I) know the answer. Knowing it doesn't make it any less scary, and sad. What I am sure about is that is not the cause of why I feel the way I do, because it is more than that. It has always been more than that. I just don't know what's the case with you.

#14 If I could be granted a wish I want to know everything that I don't know, everything that is hidden from me. Or maybe I want to have the ability to know secrets from people, or if they're lying and ooh! to know what they're thinking. The last ability could be a bit scary and backfire on me and hurt me... but it frustrates me how much I want to know things but I am not able to. So yes, genie please find me.

#15 You're different now.

#16 I miss you.



Love,
me.

The Day Owl

When all I want to do is sleep, all want makes me do, is think about you.

(via I Wrote This For You)

Kay

Mama cakap I muka tak malu.

Kejar orang.

T_____T

Sampai mak pun kata macam tu. Haih.

Monster

Please, go away. Just go away. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to have anything to do with you. I am not that pathetic weak girl you knew. I don't want to see you, talk to you or have any sort of contact with you. Stop bothering me and stop stop stop stalking me. You scare the shit out of me, all the more reason not to have anything to do with you. I don't like you. I hate you even.

Stop harassing me. I will not reply to that message, or any other stupid messages that you sent or will send to me. I really really NEVER want to see you again. Take a hint, okay.

So please, just go. Go catch a chicken. Or die. Whatever you like.

-.-"



Haih. Sakitnya hati tengok. Sakit sangat.

Stupid.

I had to learn it the hard way, because I was too stupid to listen.

From Mum, Dad, from you even.

Regarding friends, life, secrets, love and most of all, trust.

The people I once hold a high regard and place in my life are no longer there. I've moved them down to a lower spot and currently, there is only one, or two who is still standing. The rest have repeatedly fooled me, upset me, disappoint me, betrayed me and left me behind for 'better' friends.

I always thought when you cherished people as much, they will do the same to you... but somehow that theory seems to be proven wrong. They will however, step on you, betray you, leave you behind, and hurt you if you give them crap, or even if you didn't or haven't. Sadly, I have also played that part towards someone I (claim to) care about and messed up every single thing I could.

I have wronged and have been wronged to.

What goes around comes around, they say. You hurt people and they hurt you back. I believe in that. God pays cash. Zap! For what I did to you I got it from them, and now I am left with no one.

Maybe I will never be good enough, even if I tried. Not for anyone.

So hear this: most friends, they suck. Only one, or if you're lucky, two will stick by you and be true. The rest are just there to share your triumphs, but not your sorrows. && this is only regarding friends. For 'em other things you would have to discover on your own.

The final straw

I feel like talking shit crazy stuff and do those stuff that I feel like talking about. No second thoughts. Just do it. Get it over with and everyone will live happily ever after.

But I can't do that now, can I?

That's the last you'll ever have

They say bad things come in threes.

What's worse is, when you actually want to make amends and correct all your wrongs and try to make things right, by being better in the ways that you suck most; your past actions came crawling back and bring you down once again.

There are always consequences to your actions, and sometimes you are just plain stupid (bebal) to not think or know of it.

There you go.

In threes they came alright.

Strikeout.

You're out of chances, out of luck, out of trust.

Michael

You have no idea how much anger and disappointment I feel towards you right now.

Paolo

Maybe it's the songs that I've been listening to but I have a compelling sense of missing you today.

Maybe it's just me.

Caesar

Today, I found an old friend who has the same sad story as I do. I know exactly how you feel. Welcome aboard, mate. I hope that we'll get through this, you with yours, and I, with mine.

Here's to the future.

Guardi

Oh, it's here again. I can't believe it's been this long.

Babyface's voice will sing me to sleep tonight. && nobody knows it but me.. sigh.

The Messenger Was Dead When I Got Here

You should tell them the truth. Tell them that if they hold on too tightly, love might cut them. Tell them to hold on tightly anyway. Tell them everything is worth it and that the richness of life is only ever enhanced by its inevitable, brief flashes of sadness and loss.

(via I Wrote This For You)

Haih :(

Christian

You will never know.

To England, with love

It was excruciatingly painful to watch you go home but it was a match worth watching nonetheless. It was all worth it - the time, the energy, the spirit and even the jersey, I would say. We're still proud of you and love you nonetheless and we shall always wear our jerseys full of pride and hold you close to our hearts. Give yourself a pat on the back ay.

With love from all of us around the world.

xx

Aristotle

I was right not to join you. Look where you are now, and look where I would have been. It would only result it a lot of sulking behind your back and utter annoyance, I'm sure. No surprises there, I'd say.

Lately, I've been getting a bad vibe from you. Lame girl move, to read into something, but I guess I should at least take the hint huh?

If that's what you want.

James Bullard

I used to like this date, always looking forward to it. Used to is the keyword here.

But I don't like today. I watched too much Vampire Diaries that I keep on dreaming about them, not that I don't like it. It's nice to see Stefan Salvatore or Paul Wesley hikhikhik he's super awesome.

I woke up with an excruciatingly bad pain in my right shoulder and my left hip, hurts to the core. I can't even turn my head to the right. Bugger.

But that's not all. Last night, I was bruised and I was bruised yet again today. Just my luck. If you call that luck. Pfft.

I don't know what, or why, but my body is just crashing real bad. Major headaches throughout the day, back/shoulder pain, neck pain, hip pain, arm pain, heartache, influenza, cough - what more can a girl ask for?

It's times like these that I need someone like you but sadly you are nowhere to be found. Sigh. This is just sick, and so am I. Pain's not going away anytime soon so it's probably best if I hit the sack.

Bye.

Count Olaf

The only thing stopping me from expressing myself in the most barbaric ways is the fact that you're kin.

There's only so much I can take.

Stefan

It's been a series of vague statements and sentences for a while now.

Secrets are formed and lies were told. Alliances created and ties, broken. You get the gist.

There's so much going on yet no one wants to share. They keep on saying the same thing, dodging questions, diverting attention. It's getting old.

It's dying. Maybe it died already.

Liechtenstein

I took down my wall for 30 days, it seemed. A month of silence. I kind of liked it really.

Somehow I like my privacy. It does get lonely, sometimes but ahh, you just bear with it. That and the fact that my mind couldn't conjure up the words. Lagging, I suppose.

The nanny job proved to be quite tough but I kinda liked taking care of the cute little fella. Uber love.

I'm pulling myself out of the race because of a few reasons, and also the fact that I'm not so much in the mood. It's just too much trouble that I'm not willing to take; there's just not enough reason to do so, you know? I didn't want to feel left out, before, I'm sure after this I would but ah... oo well. It doesn't make any difference if I'm there, or not. Never did in the first place.

I sort of miss having you around, but I suppose you're too busy to notice.

Good night.

Jet

My sister left for college today... and then there were two. Eh, three (counting Rawsyad, terlupa pulak).

Three years ago I started on my journey in CFS PJ, now it's Faiqah's turn to start hers. She got into Kolej Mara Banting, on her way to med school (to save the worlddddddd hehe that's quoting someone heh). Father worries about her, so many what ifs. I suppose we all did. She isn't really the independent type. But I know she'll be fine, she'll get used to it.

I guess we're gonna miss her now ey ;)

Good luck, and all the best.

Dexter

That's always the case, huh?

Blah.

David

You used to be the reason why.

Fitzwilliam

I suppose you could say I've lost my momentum in writing and babbling stuff out, here. There's something about being private that entices me. Sure, there are some things that I just want to share but unfortunately for me, the luxury of having time, space, and of course, the Internet doesn't come by too often, hence the disappearance.

I was, busy with my finals that I left this space, and the others, unattended. Not that you missed out on anything though, I suppose.

Maybe I'll get back to belting out silly stuff and sharing those happy moments with you lot again. Lift the spirits up in here a little bit, no?

I hope that you are doing well, wherever you are.

Au revoir.

The Taking Of Turns

You are in some songs that still get played on the radio when the DJ is feeling nostalgic.

You are in a book you once lent me (never returned) with yellowed pages.

You are in trees when I touch them, even ones without names carved into them.

You are in the way someone on the street laughs as I pass them.

You are in a box I keep filled with letters.

You are in a ring I no longer wear.

And, every day, you each get a moment to haunt me.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Romanov

Sometimes all this caring suffocates me. Loosen up a little.

The least you can do is to trust me on taking care of myself. Is that too much to ask for?

Bernardo

"You captivate me more than anyone could ever have."

Not anymore, sadly.

Ted Bundy

I don't expect you to understand everything I do. Or why I'm like this.

Because you can't.

Because you don't know what matters to me, or not.

Because you don't know what pisses me off, or what doesn't.

Because you don't give a shit trying to find out.

And even if you do, you still don't give a shit.

So don't you dare ask me why.

Don't you dare.

Iain

All my dreams are beautiful. But none as beautiful as you. You are the reason I return here each morning.


-IWTFY.

Logan

I'm going to do my best to be better. I have to. I must.

Rolland Butter

If only you can say what your heart wants to say, or do what your hearts wants to do. If only you get to live your life your way.

If only.

Freddy

If there's one thing I hate, it is this.

This regret that I have to live with.

No matter how things change, or how good I will be, it will never be good enough.

There will always be a void, an empty space waiting to be filled.

I never told you what they said because I know they're right.

Because it hurts. Because it doesn't change anything.

Life's the same with or without.

They liked you, a lot. But it doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing matters anymore.

I hate where I am right now.

I hate my life.

Jason

This is it, I guess.

I'm never coming back.

-

My interest is running thin. So is my patience.

Why is it so hard to be happy these days?

Roman princess

Got to say I was a bit jealous at times and bored too but thank god the outfit and makeup was awesome and well, that you're there. && the fact that it got better after the event. Thanks for making it worthwhile for me, W.

♥

Tiada lagi

I give up!

I can't stop looking at it ah ah ah. Oh please please go away already! I didn't pay for nothing agagagagagagagagagagaga stresssss. Tonight is a stressful night. My room's a mess. Taufan apa? Hish.

Takutnya pasal esok.

I've a 3 o'clock appointment then another one at 4 then it's time to RUMMMBLEEEE (TUMMBLEEEE). I suppose I'm also pretty scared about the reactions I'm gonna get. Skeriiiiiii.

Ok I go now bye.

Shut up and leave.

Even they noticed. Benci.

I hate that statement. Because sadly there is some truth in it. Haih.

I sleep and wake up to this. I'd rather not wake up at all.

I feel so fucked up. Like someone just hit me on the face with a pang! and whoop reality strikes in front of you. Which is just greaaaaaaat. NOT.

What a day.

What a day.

The Empty Space Beside Me

I need you here with me.

But I know you will never come.

Greecian woman

I don't know what to expect from it but I can only pray for good things.

I'm nervous, excited and also a little scared of what the night holds for me.


Please let it be worth my while.

Solemn

Cut my tongue out and stab my heart.

Poke my eyes and break my bones.

Anything to make it right again. To make it up.

I died, and died again.

It kills me every time you're sad :(

Me and my big mouth.

You have no idea how I feel every time I see you. You haven't a clue. So don't you say crap that you mean nothing and all that.

Every time you bleed, I do too.

I'm sorry :(

Injustice.

When you attack black people, they call it racism. When you attack Jewish people, they call it anti-semetism. When you attack women, they call it sexism. When you attack homosexuality, they call it intolerance. When you attack a country, they call it treason. When you attack a religious sect, they call it hate. But when they attack Prophet Mohammed, they call it freedom of speech?


What the hell is this?


Spread the word.

Secret letters

Dear W,

I tell myself everyday there is no hope, and yet I keep on hoping, secretly, or not-so-secretly. I will always tell myself that, time and time again, because it's a fool's dream. Fool's hope.

Life is not fair, for me. How is it for you?

It seems like such a long time since I was happy and smiling. One simple moment and it was gone, like the wind.

I need to be strong. I can turn to stone. I can do that.

I wish you were here. I need you.

But I know you will never come.


-me.

The Trip Downtown

Coming to your defense is second nature for me, just as it is for me to come and see you play. That's what I said when I was asked why I was there. And I guess I can't stand such nonsense as that act, and I'm saying this with no envy at all. It's just one of those things I suppose, you know?

Old habits die hard huh?

Practice more on your skills again lah, and I'm sure everything will be okay. I know you can do it, I've seen you do it.

The downhill bit scratch aside, today has been a pretty good day, and I like it.



Thanks :)



Love,
me.

Rawsyad ♥

Baby boy is already 5 months old! Rindu sangat budak comel ni!

OW.

Two great Mondays in a row; I'll always remember.

Big fat hugs for everyone.

Thank you.

Pound signs

#1 I had a fabulous time with each and everyone of you.

#2 I wish we met sooner, else I would have answered all of your questions with glee. But even now I do, only with a tinge of -- don't quite know the word for it.

#3 I am so happy to see you again. It has been such a long time.

#4 I still write to you, for you. Sometimes there are intervals in between, sometimes there are none.

#5 I still do, too. But I'm sure you already know that.

#6 Thank you for making it even more memorable than it already is.

Love,

me.

I Wrote This For You

I just love these so so very much :') :'(

01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

These are the very best, yet.


Remember?

There will be blood

Sometimes I wish I could strangle you. Or take your hands and chop them off and feed them to the dogs.

You piss me off to no end.

Piece of fuck.

Dusk till dawn

I love it when people just know what to reply to my Facebook statuses. It's a delight to read what others have to say, when they insert sentences and secrets of their own.

It one of the little things I enjoy, that's why.

On a different note, bring on the quiz Madam!

Update: Ugh dapat 13 je. Careless mistakes!

Tuesdays with Me

I had a good weekend with family and a great Monday, which rarely happens, so I'm feeling good today. Must be last night's events, I had a good time :)

Thank you for returning. Your absence were dearly missed.


Love,
me.

Don't stop believing.

Dear H,

Please learn to be content. Please learn to accept things as they are - that not everything, well basically almost nothing, will go your way. Please learn to adapt quickly and be stronger for the trying times that may come, which I'm pretty sure, will be plenty. Please learn to stop hoping and stop counting the days, hours, minutes, seconds every time you're alone in your room. Please learn to stop thinking about those things too, you must try, you have to - it is the only way.

Please find a different way to channel your emotions. Stop being so angry. Stop being so sad. Embrace the life and love around you and be happy. You deserve at least that. Trust in God, for I'm sure He will not fail you. H, you mean so much to me and I could not bear seeing you this way. So please, please stop beating yourself up like this.

I know you are better than this. You are strong, capable of handling yourself. Do not succumb to your emotions, to the woes around you. Be strong, as you were, as I've always known you. It's probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do but you must try. You have to.

Whatever happens, always remember that you will always have your loved ones around you. Don't ever give up. Someday, everything will be okay.

Love,
me.

Achtung.

There will be some changes soon. Change is good, sometimes, so I hope this one is too.

I'll be seeing you soon.


Love,
me.

I am the sea

I cannot hold these feelings in any longer.

I need to let it out.

I need to speak these thoughts.

So much to give and no one to give it to.

I will call you tonight.

Wait for me.

I miss you.

Fallen

It seems to be the pattern now. Ever since it happened.

Even then I wasn't the first to know what was about to befall on me - the tragic incident of the century, my century.

I am bitter and reality sucks.

Fact

When I said I love you,

I meant every word.

-

Rindu :(

Sigh.

Objection

Today was a fairly good day if you asked me, but ah, I don't think I want to talk about it because all of the sudden I am reminded of something sad, so I want to take a moment and just be sad about it.

It's like nothing, nothing could please me enough to make me forget what happened four months ago. Nothing could erase it completely, or most of it, for what it's worth. Nothing.

Sigh. Oh well, see you in a few days.

Deception

Nana said, "Learn this now and learn it well, my daughter: Like a compass needle that points north, a man's accusing finger always finds a woman. Always. You remember that, Mariam".

**

All during the ride, as she bounced in the backseat, she cried. They were tears of grief, of anger, of disillusionment. But mainly tears of deep, deep shame at how foolishly she had given herself over to him.

**

For the first time, Mariam could hear him with Nana's ears. She could hear how clearly now the insincerity that has always lurked beneath,the hollow, false assurances. She could not bring herself to look at him.

"His idea of penance", says Nana. Actions to make up for all the lies he made, because he knew they were wrong and perhaps, through these small gestures (like taking them out for lunch the day after) would make up for that lie he told; not because he sincerely wanted to do so.

It's always a little too late by the time you learn this lesson. It always is. You try to think positive, be optimistic and well, pretty much eager and hopeful and then something happens and then you realize that all your efforts are in vain, that all hope is indeed, lost.

It always goes the way. Same old storyline. Don't you think we ought to know that by now?

Dreams

It's funny (ironic, more like) and at the same time sad that the same person could hurt you over and over, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally - but the story always ends the same; you will get hurt, one way or another.

It's also funny, and sad, that sometimes we just never learn from our mistakes. That some people like us choose to believe instead, to put ourselves out there and at the end of the day, get hurt.

And then there are days when it doesn't seem funny at all but instead just.plain.sad. Pathetic really.

"Dreams are for rookies", says Phil.

Some days I think he's right. It's time to stop dreaming and focus on reality, which sucks really, but then again that's the world we live in.

Crushed

I regret I did what I did.

Making a fool of myself like that.

Why don't I ever learn?

Popcorn

I'm going to not-like you so much if I find out that what I dread about is true.

Best not behave that way now.

Departure

It's goodbye once more.

Somehow, I feel this one's for real.


Auf Wiedersehen.

Amour

So much to give but no one to give it to.

Night shift

There was a time when I was a Maxis user and voice sms was a popular hit with, well just about all of us. I remember sending those voice sms to a number of people, well, just one, or two actually - singing songs to cheer them up when they're down or just say something random because it sounded better than it is written. It was... nice :))

I remember one day, when a fellow friend was upset, I sent a voice sms singing Stevie Wonder's I Just Called To Say I Love You and well, as cliche as it may sound, it worked (and I meant every word). The little wonders, y'know? There were many other voice sms and songs, of course, and those too were just as sweet and as fun as the first one.

Then came the time they introduced to us the Super Savers. My was that something or what. Back in the day, Super Savers was only RM2 for 12 hours. Yep, you got that right, 12 hours. It was during Ramadhan in 2007, when it first came out, and I remember buying it or using it every single night. I'd talk to my fellow mates and it would go on and on and on and on till the wee hours and then we'd fall asleep, but the phones still on until it's time for sahur. It was fun :D

I'd call them up and we'd buy food for each other and then we'd continue talking till dawn (so that we wouldn't miss our prayers) and woke each other up for classes. It was real fun there. Amazingly enough, there was always something to talk about, something new to get to know, to explore.

There was even a time when I had two shifts - a night shift and a morning shift. I spent the whole night talking to one person, talking, laughing, singing, and from dawn till 8 I talked to another until it was time for his exam. And I was still able to operate normally that day.

Nowadays, I don't get phones calls that lasts more than 20 minutes, or something with that sort of quality. No more midnight to dawn phone calls, no more long hours, no more Super Savers, none. Life got boring, or maybe, I did. Now, phone calls usually lasts from 5 to 10 minutes tops, unless I'm emotionally unbalanced and I need support or an old friend called, but that's a different story altogether.

I miss the good old days when things were simple and fun.

Don't you?