Early start

Ohio gozaimas :)

It's twenty past ten and I should really get my ass moving. Start the day early before it's too late haha. Been up for an hour already and am still on the bed, with the laptop and the songs playing in my ears. Lalalalala. Alritey then, I'm gonna fix something nice for breakfast and do the laundry. Then, I can do whatever I want ya ya ya :) Maybe read a book. Yeah. Or play the piano. Whichever comes first lah.


I'm off. Cheerio love.

Erin boyanku

Bobot came to my house yay! Erin came at 9 something something hahaha. She looked great lah, seriously. Gorgeous. Gila. The last time I saw her was the day before I left for Uia. That's like, on 19th July. Whoa damn lackshit that's like THREE AND A HALF MONTHS!!! Damn son. Gila. And she's ever so slim - byk kerja punya pasal, dia dah kaya skang tau hahaha - compared to the fat fat fat fat FAT FAT FAT me. Sigh. But yeah, was damn happy to see her :)If I was a boy/lesbian I would've fell for her x) Ececece.

We yakked a bit and I helped her do some typing while she ate raya cookies and talked to Ma. Abah then came back from driving range and they said they're hellos and then we went out! HAHAHA, WE WENT OUT. Dating sekejap muhaha :) Abah and Ma kasik. Ala, there's another reason to it jugak la. We said we wanted to buy bread for tomorrow hehehe. But still, they let us. So we headed to 7e and bought Gardenias and then went to Nihmat and ordered ourselves a cheese nan bebeh! Mihaha. While on the road and eating, we talked and talked, did a lot of catching up - told her about my friends, Shafiq, what happened, the drama and the new start :) -and the food was gooooood. Aha aha. Then we head back home and camwhored for a while. Scored some good pictures. Hehe :) We exchanged hugs and kisses and she left at about seven past midnight. Come back soon boyan! Esok esok! Eh, siang karang la kirenye, hahahaha.

-----------

Dearest Erin boyanku, I'm so fucking glad you came. Godd, it just made me realize how much I miss you. Glad that we got to chat and date and eat cheese nan together :D Ahahaha. I love you bobot. You've grown into such a beautiful lady. Ecece, not that you weren't beautiful dulu, you always have been <3

<333

Redoing it

Okay, so far I've done a few things from the list. But nay oh nay, I need to re-pack again haha. Not enough space storage. Bad eyy. All us girls have too much clothes (that we don't even wear!) that there's no more room for mine, especially now that Faiqah's moved in with me. Damn. Which is the reason why, I like to be alone. You know, at least there is a place where I kan be alone, to do things quietly and privately. But nooooo, she had to move in gak. Gahh. Tak best tak best. It's not THAT bad lah, but it kinda is. Gag gag gag.

So, yeah, I need to pack things up again. Hmm, might as well pack the stuff into the big black bag instead of the red one. For some reason, I always tend to pack a lot, in other words, overpack. Is it my fault I wear a lot of clothes? No. Haha. Nawwh, I just bring along my jalan-jalan clothes that's all (couldn't think of any other word than jalan-jalan). And so, that is one of the reasons why I tend to overpack. Plus, I like to be prepared for whatever may come, y'know. I have different meds - flu, fever, muscle pains, painkillers, mentstrual, stomach ache - my roomies say it's like a small clinic. I have elastic plasters, antiseptic cream, cotton buds and whatever it is that you normally have to keep yourself clean. Hahaha. Just wanna be on the save side you know. I'd rather have something and not need it, than need something and not have it. For emergencies :) Cleo said it's like condoms, you dig? Haha.

Hmm, Amani's birthday is tomorrow. Haven't made her anything. No card nothing. Am thinking of going to JJ or something. Erin boyan said she wants to come see me or take me someplace tonight. Hmmm, mcm Abah kasi je. Tapi leh kasi reason nak pegy Secret Recipe beli cake or something kan kan. Oh yeah! And we could go to Nihmat and get ourselves cheese nans haha. God, they make the best cheese nan ever. Lalala.








Only did the abkingpro today, only a few times. Sigh. Thy shall not lose hope, thy shall and will lose weight. Gaga gaga. I need a shower. A long, hot and cold shower. And a scrub too.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Of updates and more plans

Introductions are always a problem for me. I have so much to blog about yet I don't where and how to start, the first two sentences, that is. They're always the toughest part really. Haha.

Anyways, updates updates (obviously).

Like I said earlier, I arrived at Barneyy's arund 3.40pm. Waffle and Yoyo were there, along with Dina, Aida and Amir. Nice meeting you guys :) We ate spaghetti and it wasn't until Azim's friends left that we got it going on HAHA. Waffle played Azim's guitar and we sang to Drive. Haha. Oh and Azim was good on the guitar, with a nice voice too. She sang us a song which really suits her voice. Azim azim! If you perform don't forget to drag me along :D Had fun. We took quite a few pictures and stuff like that haha. Sadly, Oldilocks and Cleo couldn't make it. THAT was a big big BUMMER. Sigh. Gaghh.

I miss you <3

Suprisingly enough, I stayed there for almost three hours. Haha. Turns out the family went to Curve and went shopping for books and of course I had to ask for one :) Bought a book by Sarah Dessen, 'Just Listen'. Been wanting it since it was out gagaga. Finally! Another Dessen book. You should her books, it's good I tell ya. I have 5 now, and I love all of them, 'This Lullaby' the most :) Am currently reading 'The Truth About Forever', it's good too, honest.

Thought of blogging last night but then had other plans. Fatin came to my house at midnight and we yakked till about two. She's my neighbour, rumah dekat je lah. Hahaha. It was good seeing one of my boyans again. Ni, boyan sorang lagi baru cakap nak datang. Datang la datang! Haha, I miss that boyan so bad lah. Come come :)

Today, woke up somewhere near 10am I think. Yeah. Cleo called and woke me up haha, boyannn. The house was quiet as both parents were out and the small one was at school. So good. Went online and searched for piano sheets. Printed out a few :) Yezza. I found the score on 'Foolish Games' hehe. I tried it a bit, it's kinda hard but that's okay, I'll try haha. DO NOT GIVE UP. Oh ya! Did I tell you that I tried to play the guitar last night? Haha, I did. I used Abah's guitar and getting the C chord right was so difficult. Somehow, I think, my hands aren't big enough or my fingers are too short haha. Sakit jari! Gahh, first timers. Kelakar betul. After I tried the chords and couldn't manage to do any without sounding odd, I stopped. Jari dah sakit. I'll try that again later.

Slept again and then got told off, apparently Ma was mad I didn't do what she asked me to. Alahai, I was about to! Goddd. Emosi betul. This is one of the few things that I detest. When I'm at home, everything is on me. Ye la, anak pertama semua. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I'm still a kid, carefree and naive and ignorant. Gah. I wish! Sebab bad mood sangat budak budak tu kena sound. Huhu.

Sigh, so... This break, I'm planning to do a few things. To accoplish things, you know. Like, do something, make this holiday worthwhile sket HAHA. Something to occupy myself, so that I won't get too bored. Here's the list, I'll try to do all but then if I manage to score a few would be great already ;)

The List

1. Finish reading 'The Truth About Forever'

2. Read 'Just Listen'

3. Read any other books

4. Learn to play guitar - the chords!

5. Learn a song (on the piano) & PRACTICE!

6. LOSE WEIGHT! (min. 2kg)

7. Exercise daily : jog/abkingpro/stretches etc.

8. Do chores chores.

9. Re-organize the closet.

10. Unpack hahaha!

11. LOSE MORE WEIGHT.

12. Control food intake.

13. Get online and blog daily, if possible.

14. Save some money, control phone bill (topup lah)

15. Hafal ayat 5.

16. Hafal ayat 7.

17. Hafal other doa/ayat.

18. See my boyans again.

19. See my cintas again, try keluar :)

20. More smiles, less stress.

21. Be nice to people.

22. Catch up on movies etc.

So far, that's all I could think of, which in my case, is A LOT. I need to do this y'know, I want to. I wanna be good at something. I wanna achieve something. Losing weight is most important and playing the piano too. If I hadn't been lazy before I could've played some songs already. Gah. I should really do something and put my heart into it. Not quitting when it gets tough. Cause when it gets tough, the tough goes shopping. HAHAHA. Someone wrote that, hillarious. Well, Abah said I don't have the determination to do it, losing weight and such. Which is partly true as that is one of my weaknesses. Bad Alyaa, bad Alyaa. Huhuhu. Which is why, I want to change that fact. I shall make this holiday worthwhile, wouldn't wanna die of boredom now, would we? Haha.

Guess that's about it for now. Hmm, I've got shitloads of work to do haha and still I'm here. Gahh. Okay, first things first. UNPACK! My badddd. Then do the laundry, iron and fold and etc and if there's still time, sweep the floor or something.

Am listening to Aly & Aj at the moment. Gaghh, can't get the song out of my head. Hahaha. Cheers.

Emotional week

I'm so freaking pissed. Read:

I couldn't find my phone so borrowed Faiqah's and called my number. After I found my phone I realized that it wasn't her actual number. So I told her and this was her reply, "Oh, mmg la tu my number". Like WATAFARK? I asked her about it and she simply said that she changed her number weeks ago, even before raya, which explains why she did not receive my message when we were in Kedah. That pissed me off even more. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I AM YOUR GODDAMN SISTER AND YOU COULDN'T SPEND A MINUTE TO JUST LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'VE CHANGED YOUR NUMBER. AND IT HAS BEEN THREE WEEKS DAH! DAMN YOU MAN.

Then Ma came into the room and asked what's the matter, she heard me babbling from outside. And I told her lah, of course I'm furious. She could tell her bloody friends but couldn't even tell me, her own sister, serumah pulak tu! She pulled her face, tau pun tak suka kena marah, tapi buat orang marah apsal?!

Ma went;

"Dah la kaklong, let it go. Awak buat orang tension je."

"Ah! She brought this upon herself! She should've known better than this!"

And so I stormed out of the room and is now typing this down this second while listening to rock songs to let the anger out. Oh so much anger. Another thing is, today's Barneyy's open house and I thought of going around after Zuhur but then the folks need to go to Bangi first. So I thought alright, I'll be at Barneyy's around two or so. But then, as usual, Abah pasti lambat, mereka pun pasti lembab and they left around 11.20am. Godddd. It'll take them probably more than an hour to get there - considering the horrible traffic jam - then for them to yak yak and then drive back home. It'll be like, past three by the time I reach Barneyy's, could even be four! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Fed up gila lah. Fuck betul. So now I'm listening to rock songs full blast, since there's only me and Faiqah, what the hell. I've been listening to The Warmth for the tenth time dah. God. Somebody help me.

Sigh.

Anyways, I wanted to write last night after we got back from Nenek's, to tell about my week and stuff. But then it was nearly two and I got a free lecture about things, gagagaga.

Just got off the phone with Cleo. He told me about the event, gahhh. I wish I'm there right now. Nevermind the heat and sweat, hahaha. So now, on with the daily ramblings. Thy shall write of the things that happened this past week :)

Monday.
Had my Arab paper. Oh god, it was sucky. Met up with Cleo and Oldilocks and decided to go out jalan-jalan. Both of them are leaving on Tuesday. Oldilocks said he'll catch up later so Cleo and I went first.

Turned out to be a great date instead haha :) I had fun wee wee. What a day. Went back around 8-ish and met up with the gang. Found out that Mista was heading back the next day as well. Oh yeah, and harassment. Harassment.

Tuesday.

Woke up around 9am and ordered McD for Mista and Oldilocks. Ate breakfast, the four of us, Cleo too and took some pictures of us :) Mista left for Johor around 12pm and then it was three. Haha. Had my Fim paper at 2.30am and later found out that I lost 12 points off my carry marks. Greaaaaaaaaaat. Later met up with Cleo and Oldilocks at Abc and we just sat there for about 2 hours haha. It was a sad slow soppy day. My boys were leaving, of course la sedih! Then we head for Annex and they showed me the place and we stayed there till Oldilock's gramps called. Exchanged hugs and said goodbye to Oldilocks as he left.

Oh yeah, lupa, MORE harassment happened that day. Fuck betul kan. I wanted to cry but the tears won't come. How sucky lah. Barneyy joined us later and we stayed there for a couple minutes more. Fulfilled promised No. 2 kan kan :D Had dinner at Aroma then walked Cleo when his mum came. Said our goodbyes and he left. Sigh.

Wednesday.
The day went even slower. Had my final paper, Computer 1. And done! I felt so happy I could feel myself soaring high hahaha. Waffle suddenly texted and informed us that he was already leaving for home. Life wtf? So soon? Tak jumpe pun! Gahhh. So it was me, Barneyy and Yoyo.

Later that evening, went raya-ing to Anish's house and met the gang. Best la jugak, oh and we end up sleeping over at her's cause it was too late to get back in. Haha. It was alright. Oh ya, made plans with Waffle to go raya-ing at Cleo's house the next day.


Thursday.
Arrived at Uia around 10.30am. Had breakfast with the girls and did my laundry. Left Uia with Waffle after Zuhur and took the bus to KL Central. had my first ride on the Komuter in god-knows-how-many-years haha. Arrived at Cleo's house around 2-ish. We yakked, we ate, we yakked a bit more and then we took a rest. Waffle slept till 7 something while I uploaded the pictures on the computer. It was a good day :) Yes yes it was :)

Friday.
The day started early. About 5am :) Hehe, yes we had our moment. It was great. It was more than words can say. It was our time. It was a day (a morning more likely!) to be remembered, 26th October, that is. Hehe. Let that be our secret :) Okay, ada la satu dua of my girlfriends yang tahu hehe. Went back to Uia and packed my belongings. Left Uia around 3pm and head back home. I was sad and excited to go home :) I get to see my friends again ya ya ya :D Called up the boyans and yakked for a while. Gaahhh, nak jumpeee!

Saturday.
Woke up early and went to the wet market with Ma. I get to drive, which was cool. Something was not right about the car, the engine sounded odd. Hmmm. Reached home and took a shower then head straight to school. They were having their graduation so I got to see my juniors cum friends haha. Oh and Meuyy too. God, rindunyaa. Took lots of pictures of 'em. It was fun. Stayed around for about an hour and went back home. Couldn't make it to Sarah's, had plenty of chores to do. Huhu.

More harassment happened, and I was so frustrated about it I told Ma. Had tears in my eyes gahh. Ma understood and was happy that I finally realized. Amen! Felt better after I told her. Oh and I also noticed that 26/10 is actually a month after the confession. Haha, so it has a meaning to it. Muhaha. Later that night, went to Nenek's and met up with all the cousins. Bestnya. Had so much fun haha. Those little rascals are soo cute. Fyi, I'm the eldest grandchild so my cousins are still kids hahaha.

While there, called him up and yakked on the phone for a bit. Found out he was asleep but yakked with him jugak hahaha. I'm sorry for waking you up but then again, I'm not sorry cause I get to talk to you :D It's only been a day yet it feels like forever lah. Huhu. Left Nenek's at midnight and slept around three in morning.

Sunday (today, as in today).
It's currently 1pm. Am about to stop, soon and take my shower. Am waiting for my parents to get back and send me to Barneyy's. Yes. And don't you nag later. Gahhh. Okay, I really should go. Iron my clothes and get ready. That'll take some time. Eyh, it takes time to look good okay. Haha, if I ever look good! Lol. I hope to see you sugarbum :D

Will write again later.
Cheerio <3

OVER OVER.

FINALS ARE OVER !








































(will post up stuff laterrrrr, eden nak pi beraye bahh)























endofstory. CHEERS :D

Here we go

I'm back in Uia. My finals start tomorrow up till Wednesday then I shall be free! Feel like posting up a few pictures. Random random. I'm bored. And I shall do my maths as soon as I'm done with this, I promise :D





It was foggy the morning we head back to KL. Napoh is now cold. No need to go to Genting dah. Haha.





Like I said, no raya photos, except for some vain ones, like this :) That's the sister.







This is my Barneyy. I love her. She's fab.





That's Yoyo. Also known as, my DAD :) Aha, yes my dad alright. I wonder who my mummy was, but he remarried with another now and I love her to bits as well. Haha.





My crazy drama mates. They're the best. Haha.





During practice. Oldilocks curse all the time hahaha.





My boys ♥





That's us right there, during Red Prada White Gucci's breakfasting at Dominoes Midvalley.





A shot Yoyo took. Paparazzi much? Haha, somehow I like this picture cause I look slim :P Lol. Vain. Vain. Vain.



Sigh, that's all I've got. Okay, it's almost 12.30pm now. I better run. I wonder where the boys are. They're my drugs, all of them. Love you guys! After finals, we splurge ya ya ya HAHAHA. Can't wait!



To those having your finals: GOOD LUCK AND ALL THE BEST.

Home sweet home

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

Aye aye Dorothy.

Aaaaah. I'm baaaaaaaaaack! Back at home, that is. It feels good to be back. We left Kedah at 6.20, stopped at Tapah at 9am for breakfast, were back on the road by 9.40am and arrived at 11am just now. Yezza! But alas, I'll only be here for 24 hours before I head back to campus tomorrow. Yes darlings, I'm heading to Uia tomorrow. Sigh. Oh well. Exams start on Saturday till Wednesday then I'm free baby! Haha, so we're planning an outing after the exams, where I'm not quite sure. But we're definately heading to Barneyy's on 28th ya ya :) Goddd I am in desperate need of money. Can someone give me? Haha. I am dead broke, okay maybe that's a tad too much but still, I'm poor....AGAIN! Bahhh. There's only rm70 left in the account. Mum wouldn't let me use the other account, heh, she said it'll be gone like hotcakes. Okay okay, so I got sidetracked and overspent a little, so what? Haha. Mmg mengundang betul aku ni. Duit raya dah la sikit je, boyan habis. Tomorrow I'll claim some money from Mum, she haven't given me October's allowance. Perhaps I could squeeze two hundred from her, I'll try my luck haha. Oh well...

Pffffttt -_-"

I hate being poor.

Note to self: SPEND WISELY.

(blank)

I thought I had a lot to write, I wanted to, but then hah, malas malas. Nothing new about that. Oh and my hair's getting longer now yay :) Random. I keep on singing Joe's. I'm bored. I really should study. Gah. Maybe I will. Till later, god knows when. Cheerio loves.

Raya raya

Hello people! It's been so long since my last post. Haha, I'm at a cc in Jitra, 5km from my kampung. God it's loud in here, full of small kids playing counter strike (I believe) or at least something loud enough it's deafening, and of course, me as the only girl HAHA. Okay, I'm just wearing my oh-so-plain clothes. Haha. Finally, some technology eyy. Haha, never underestimate a kampung :P POYO NYE. Okay okay, so...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA EVERYBODY !

Barney & Cleo & Oldilocks & Yoyo & Waffle

I MISS YOU GUYS LIKE CRAZY !!!

Anyways, had great fun on the first and second day of raya. Tiring, but fun. Haha. Spent the nights yakking on the phone and getting scolded the day after for being so loud people can't sleep :P Okaaaay, my bad la yeah. But it was all good. I was glad to see my relatives. I do miss them a lot, damn. Damn. And I'm missing my cintas in KL like hell. Damn damn. Had A LOT of drama with him, unnecessary dram of course but agh whatever lah. Buat fed up je. Faaak. The saddest part about this raya is, NO PICTURES. No no, seriously. I have only a couple of vain pictures in my phone but no family photos...AT ALL. Here's the problem. Faiqah's the one keeping the camera and I was too busy packing for everyone and making sure everything is in place I totally forgot about it. Later, when we were already there, I wanted to snap some shots of the last sahur. It was 4.30am in the morning and the air was uber chilly, I think it was possibly around 20 degrees at the time. And so, I politely asked for the camera and Faiqah, with her ever-so-couldn't be bothered-voice and said, "Oh, tertinggal". Like watafark man?! You lef the bloody camera?! Haiyaa. And so folks, no pictures.

Haiya, the father just called. He told me to get back fast. Wants me to go to the kenduri and stuff. Eh. Malas lah. God.

Exams in about 5 days, or so. Shimatta! Somebody shoot me already. Gagaga.

Later alligator.

Balik kampung!

Hello. It's 3.54 at the moment. I've packed my bags and cleaned out some stuff. Hahh, I'm gonna miss you darlings even more. I'll be heading back to Kedah tonight. There'll be no internet connection there but I'll bring along mum's laptop and just type there and I'll update the blog as soon as I get back home, okay darlings :)

I haven't bathe yet. Haha. Smelly-poo. Last night, I didn't study. Okay okay, you can shoot me now :P I intended to but then I got this phone call and then hah malas la, lagi best yak on the phone kan kan :D So yeah, talked on the phone will the wee hours and slept only after sahur ngeh ngeh ngeh. It was fun haha.

I keep on singing that song again and again. It's nice alright, means a lot to me :) Gahh. Am listening to Gnarls Barkley's 'Crazy' at the moment. I don't feel like doing anything, well, not now, not yet. Instead, I'll write one long entry before I go ya ya ya.

And so, this year's theme will be green. Ni semua gara gara Waffle la ni. Hahahaha. Waffle told us all to wear green to Barneyy's open house (later, on the 28th). And so, it shall be the theme this year. Barneyy bought a green and black kebaya. Yoyo have green (I think?) and Waffle loves green so, obviously he owns a pair. Am not sure with Cleo - I think he's getting one too - and as for me, I have like...3 pairs - if I'm not mistaken - all in different shades of green. I suppose I'll wear the kebaya to Barney's, or should I wear this year's kurung which is black with a few green here and there. I like both. Hmm, will think about that later. Sadly for Oldilocks, I think he's the only one who'll be wearing maroon, huhu. Sian dia ;P

Gahh.

Malas nya nak mandi. Takde mood. I need to go to the pharmacy and get my meds. My nose's starting to kill me again. And I've got pimplots again. Damn damn damn. Kenapa la timing best sgt ah? Gagaga. My back is aching so bad; I am desperately in need of a FULL BODY MASSAGE. Anyone anyone? Haha. Boyann.

Will call my boyans later before I go go.

Oh yeah, check this out. The song is beautiful. You should listen to it. Abg Chey/Cleo made me listen to it haha, best best. Give it a chance. Nice melody and oh-so-meaningful words. Here's the song and the lyrics to it :)

"No One Else Comes Close"

When we turn out the lights
The two of us alone together
Something's just not right
But girl you know that I would never ever let another's touch
Come between the two of us
Cause no one else will ever take your place

[Chorus:]No one else comes close to you
No one makes me feel the way you do
You're so special girl, to me
And you'll always be, eternally
Everytime I hold you near
You always say the words I love to hear
Girl with just a touch, you can do so much

No one else comes close

And when I wake up to
The touch of your head on my shoulder
You're my dream come true
Oh, girl you know I'll always treasure
Every kiss, every dayI love you girl in every way
And I always will cause in my eyes

[Chorus (2x)]

No one else comes close
No one else comes close

Damn I love you

And so it is :) Enjoy people. If I have the time I'll write before I go. If not, this is goodbye. I'll update as soon as I get back.


Selamat Hari Raya Kepada Semua!
Maaf Zahir & Batin


Love,
alyaa xoxo.

Ahoy matey!

After reading Barneyy's blogs, I realized I haven't any stories/posts on my new mates :) The best :) Who said UIA is all about tudung labuh and strict rules ey? Okay, there are strict rules, but do I look like I care? Haha, jahatnya aku ni.

Anyways.. I'm glad I got into UIA, second intake pulak tu. Takpe takpe, bersyukur je, God has planned something for me. And indeed, it is a great plan :) HAHAHA. I've met the best people. Come come, I'll list them down :D


Afi
Shafiq
Zhaf
Nadzeri
Wafa
Anishh
Mirawrr
Honey
Kak Chom
Cik Fat
Cik Nad
Mista


They're the closest to me. Sure, there are others but this lot are the best of all. Haha, all the jokes, late night talks and laughs; they will be remembered always. Gaga. I'm glad I met you guys :) My classmates are fine as well. Red Prada White Gucci was a huge success, 800 tickets sold out people, beat that! Hahaha. Adoy, I malas nak blab pepanjang about it lah pulak :P Lol.

All and all, I enjoyed all our nights together, practicing till late, eating at aroma almost everyday and making crazy (double meaning) jokes. You guys are the best. Whatever happens, we will always have each other, okay okay :D


------------

Riiiiight. Back to reality, I haven't studies since I got back. Masya Allah! I want to but am too lazy to go down and get the books. I'll prolly do some Maths exercise afterwards. God. Finals is in two weeks. Or less. Damn. Damn. I miss my darlings terribly.

He called asking me if I'm happy. I told him I'm not. I'm not happy, nor am I sad. I'm okay. I do feel something is missing (which is him, obviously) but I think I need to do this. If we keep on going, all I'm gonna do is scold him and yell and be crazy about everything. I've changed, I have, and I don't think he can handle me. No one can. Apart from that, I do want to be able to breathe and just do this on my own. No more doubts. I do love him still, how can I delete him outta my life? He's been with me too long for me to do that. I just want to be on my own, that's all. I don't want to get tied down into a relationship, well, not now at least. I love you sayang, please understand. I'm sure someday we'll be together again. Be patient my love, for I know this will only make us stronger. My heart is sealed and safe in a big thick vault and I've thrown away the key.

Gahh, enough emotional stuff please. So so, today, I did my chores. Capek! Cleaned the whole house yaw. Am heading back to Kedah tomorrow night I suppose. And I'm going away for quite a long time. Will prolly be back to Kl on the thrid of raya. Lame kan. Then I need to get my ass back to Uia and study (last minute punya la kot) and then on the 20th will sit for my first paper. GAGA. Risaunyaaaa.

My mum's on my bed right now. Talking about future plans, asking about Uia while I type this and reply to Oldilock's message. Aha, tomorrow am going to see my grandma yay yay. Haha I miss everyone! Okay, she left already, thank god.

So so so.

It's almost midnight. I'll stop for fifteen minutes and do my Maths then get back on ya ya ya :) I'm bored. Happy. Content. Sad. Emotional. Everything. Imma wreck. Emotionally dysfucntional is what I say ha ha. So many have changed, yet many still stayed the same. Not making much sense now huh. Gahhh. I've been here for more than an hour haha.

Okay okay. It's almost twelve so I'll stop first and do Maths now.

I love Maths. I love Maths. Keep telling myself that, who know's it'll come true. Haha.




Cheers :D

Saying goodbye

I feel like crying. Read:



Sighh. It had been such an emotional week. Everyone's going back home and here I am typing my feelings down. Sigh. It's so sad.Everyone's going back home and here I am typing my feelings down. Sigh. It's so sad. We've been talking about next semester again and again - how we're gonna be sent to Nilai and our friendship - it's just overwhelming. I feel so sad to leave this place, to leave THEM. I love them to bits <3 style="text-align: center;">dear whoever,

i'm missing you already.

it's so sad to go.

hope to see you again.



<3

No, none will be said of you. No. I choose not too.



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&& Happy Raya people. Drive safe, be nice and bagi duit raya kat I.







I LOVE YOU GUYS SO STRONG <3

Nothing new

I just typed a damn long survey and then accidentally clicked 'BACK' and lost everything. Like wtfffffff. Jaaaaaaaaaaaaackshit. Pfft.


I'm not supposed to be here. Or, at least I think so. I'm procrastinating again, why? No idea. Is that right? Haha. I'm being lame again...as usual. Seriously, everytime I'm away from the computer I feel like getting online and writing this piece of worthless crap yet when I am here, nothing comes to mind. Na da. Blank. Bahh, how annoying. I had my shower, it was gooood haha. I felt like singing again but I can't think of anything new. No, you do not wanna hear me sing HAHA. Can die la weih.

I keep on listening to hate/break up songs now. Haha. Go figure. Damn lah. I hate feeling this way man. I'm a complete idiot who doesn't know how to take care of things. Bak kata Syira, PATETEK. HAHAHA. Okay okay, enough with the nonsense, a little catching up perhaps?

Last week was fun fun fun. Friday was greaaaat and what happened then is just something that only we know kankankan :) Hehehe. I like it. Saturday, I went shopping. Oh yes oh yes! I bought that bag! NGAHAHAHA. Yes, the Gap bag that I've been longing to buy. Cost me rm215 but it was worth it yaw. Just so you'd know, I am left with only rm90 in my bank account. Shopaholic much? You got that right. Am stressed about it right now, Mama's gonna flip when she hears about this. Can't help myself. So far, I've spent around a thousand bucks or more, mainly on foooooooooood and topup. Bad Alyaa bad Alyaa *spanks own arse* I hate being poor, without money. I hate it even more knowing that I could've stop myself from buying and spending so much. Coulda shoulda woulda. I hate those words. No point regretting now, it's gone baby gone. Oh well... I hope I'll get plenty of duit raya this time around hahaha.

I should be studying right now. Got a quiz on internet first thing tomorrow morning. ARGH! Stresseddddd! Honestly, could it get any worse? I'm sad to see my friends leave no no wait.. Let me rephrase that. I'm sad to leave my friends. Each and every one of them :( Now I'm sad, really sad. Sigh. Then my roomies, oh lord. I love them even though we're totally different from one another yet we've grown to like (and love) each other so much it's sad to part ways. Damn place wants to send us to Nilai stupid stupid stupid. I went for the interview and suprisingly enough, I didn't sow how much I was interested in doing law. Hah. I'm Alyaa and I like to sing. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Like that's gonna help. Pfft. Sigh, I counted the carry marks for my Maths subject and oh-my-gosh it's bad alright. I scored a 32 out of 50. Like, WTF LA WEIH? I'm worried. I have one final assignment (Computer) and I haven't even started - I missed the extra class that day cause all I could think of that morning was me taking a shower - and I have to pass it up before next Tuesday. Okay okay, I'll get it done.....SOON. Ok?

I'm bored of the same old page. I saw a skin by dlh but there was something wrong with it. I'll hunt down for skins later. Not in the mood to do it now. Still have 30 minutes left :) Yay. Oh yes, before I forget, let me warn you now. I AM FAT FAT FAT. Yes. I'm not like what you see in the pictures, they are lies. LOL. I've gained weight! 2kgs to be exact. Fat much? EXACTLY. Ha ha.
Today is alright. I wonder what tomorrow has to offer. Oh please let it be good. It should be :) I can't wait. HAHA.

Hmm, what else is there to say?

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There's this empty spot in my heart, this void where I feel nothing, there is nothing left for you. I don't know. It's confusing. Brain teasing.

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I wanna be free. Can I? Can I? Can I?

---Okay, Imma do the survey thing again now. Got it off Atikah's page :)

If I were a cartoon character, I would be:
Princess Anastsia. Then I can wear her pretty dress :)

If I were a month, I would be:
February, the month of love (and my birthmonth)

If I were a day of the week, I would be:
Saturday, let the weekends begin!

If I were a time of the day, I would be:
12am, when the day/night begins.

If I were a planet, I would be:
Pluto - small, secluded and quiet.

If I were a sea animal, I would be:
A mermaid! HAHAHA.

If I were a direction, I would be:
Fragile : Handle with care.

If I were a piece of furniture, I would be:
The bed.

If I were a sin, I would be:
Rage, which I really need to control.

If I were a historical person, I would be:
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Then I'd get to play the piano like mad. Yay.

If I were a liquid, I would be:
Hot caffe mocha :D

If I were a tree, I would be:
A coconut tree.

If I were a bird, I would be:
An eagle.

If I were a tool, I would be:
The hammer.

If I were a flower/plant, I would be:
A dark red rose.

If I were a kind of weather, I would be:
Sunny and windy, NICE.

If I were a musical instrument, I would be:
The piano yes yes yes.

If I were an animal I would be:
A horse, so that I can run away from here.

If I were a color, I would be:
WHITE, all colours in one :)

If I were an emotion, I would be:
Emotionally dysfunctional.

If I were a vegetable, I would be:
A coriander, love the smell.

If I were a sound, I would be:
Fuckingly LOUDDD hahahaha.

If I were a car, I would be:
BMW X5 baby!

If I were a song, I would be:
If I Ain't Got You.

If I were a movie, I would be:
Pride And Prejudice <3>If I were a food, I would be:
Gourmet. Yum.

If I were a place, I would be:
Somewhere exotic.

If I were a taste, I would be:
Sour. That is to be expected of me.

If I were a scent, I would be:
Estee Lauder's Pleasures. But White Musk is nice too :)

If I were a subject in school, I would be:
Computer Science yay.

If I were a shape I would be:
Slim?


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Okay, end of survey. Back to reality. I'm currently reading Dessen's work again. It's called 'The Truth About Forever'. So far so good. I must say that 'This Lullaby' is still the best yet. Haha. Wtv, as if it matter uh. I've been keeping too much inside, hiding so much. I need to break free. No. I WANT TO BREAK FREE.



I don't have much time left. So, to sum things up, my finals is in two weeks time. Somebody shoot me :( Yes, that pretty much explains it.

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Later alligator.

Freedom

Life's been pretty fun lately for me, excluding the guy that's supposed to be in the picture but this time, he's just not. Yes, life with friends. I'm so grateful I have them now. I really, I really should appreciate my friends more, I didn't do such a good job at it then. I suppose that's why I always feel left out and alone when I'm sad, felt like I have no one else but him. Gahhh. Well now, I have them and I don't give two jackshits about him. Sue me. I'm happy. And yet, I feel sad.

I wish on a thousand things for this pain to go away. Please? I don't really have the mood to type. But yet I am typing here, lamenting about how sucky things are. DAMN.

Don't get involved with me. I am the cause of your pain.

Now that we've established that, perhaps we should just, move on? I want to be free. Free from any entanglements, figuratively speaking but yes, can I can I? Last night we talked about the serious stuff, and sadly enough, I cried. No, I didn't cry my heart out, I still held back but it hurts just a much. I am a mistake, do not get involved with me. I won't make you happy. I can't make anyone happy. I feel so fucking helpless yet I am the only one who can change it. I don't wanna hurt anyone, I love them too much. Oh god.


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Can you love someone without being in love with them? Who would've thought this could happen to me. Me, the girl who's always been strong, always putting that boy first before herself and even her family. Who would've thought. Hah. I wish I can laugh it off and say WHATEVER. Chin up and smile, ah, wouldn't that be nice? I'm not making any sense, am I? I myself is confused. I am happy with them. The relationship is already badly strained and it's driving me nuts. AGH. I'm tired of being the weakling - crying every night before I go to sleep and being helpless and having to pretend that I'm happy when all I want to do is cry. If crying can cause death, I'd be dead a long time ago. No, don't make me list down what I did for you. No. No. Right now, I just want to be FREE. Get it?







You will never understand. No one ever does, and no one ever will.

Ponder upon it

I am happy.
I am confused.
I am everything you want me to be.
I am everything I will be.
I am lost.
I am without doubt.
I am in confusion.
I am in need of you.
I am drowning inside.
I am numb.
I am cold.
I am wanting you.
I am stressed.
I am sad.

Help?

Clearly, something IS wrong.
But is it my story to tell?



I love you no matter what happens, okay sugar?
That will never change.












Muse's Unintended is playing in my head.
I can't believe this is actually happening.....to me.


It's actually more than I thought.
I thought I could handle it.
I couldn't.



All and all, I'm happy :)
Without them, I wonder what will become of me?


I love you guys till death.
Don't you ever go my darlings, I love you so.