Freedom

Life's been pretty fun lately for me, excluding the guy that's supposed to be in the picture but this time, he's just not. Yes, life with friends. I'm so grateful I have them now. I really, I really should appreciate my friends more, I didn't do such a good job at it then. I suppose that's why I always feel left out and alone when I'm sad, felt like I have no one else but him. Gahhh. Well now, I have them and I don't give two jackshits about him. Sue me. I'm happy. And yet, I feel sad.

I wish on a thousand things for this pain to go away. Please? I don't really have the mood to type. But yet I am typing here, lamenting about how sucky things are. DAMN.

Don't get involved with me. I am the cause of your pain.

Now that we've established that, perhaps we should just, move on? I want to be free. Free from any entanglements, figuratively speaking but yes, can I can I? Last night we talked about the serious stuff, and sadly enough, I cried. No, I didn't cry my heart out, I still held back but it hurts just a much. I am a mistake, do not get involved with me. I won't make you happy. I can't make anyone happy. I feel so fucking helpless yet I am the only one who can change it. I don't wanna hurt anyone, I love them too much. Oh god.


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Can you love someone without being in love with them? Who would've thought this could happen to me. Me, the girl who's always been strong, always putting that boy first before herself and even her family. Who would've thought. Hah. I wish I can laugh it off and say WHATEVER. Chin up and smile, ah, wouldn't that be nice? I'm not making any sense, am I? I myself is confused. I am happy with them. The relationship is already badly strained and it's driving me nuts. AGH. I'm tired of being the weakling - crying every night before I go to sleep and being helpless and having to pretend that I'm happy when all I want to do is cry. If crying can cause death, I'd be dead a long time ago. No, don't make me list down what I did for you. No. No. Right now, I just want to be FREE. Get it?







You will never understand. No one ever does, and no one ever will.