Ms. Gloomy Weather

My mood swings are getting worse, due to my periods, which just came today. One minute I'm laughing, the next I'm sitting by the window quiet, staring into space, sinking deeper and deeper. Thoughts clouded my mind, the uncertainty grew stronger, the disapointment bigger.

I have to take control. Of myself. Of everything.


There's so much I need to do. If I don't, god knows what will happen to me. I don't want to sink any lower. I'm already out of breath trying to catch up with everything, sometimes it seems impossible to keep up.

A slice of confidence pie would do me some justice. I've been having some self-esteem issues lately. The weight problem, the laziness, the eye bags, the never-ending presence of small-unpoppable pimples and rash, the lagging brain, the problem with understanding Physics & of course, the doubt I have in me.

I'm being pessimistic again, I know. I can't help myself. Maybe it's the periods. Or maybe, it's just me. What did I tell you before friend, I have issues. Like, yeah.


I have to take control. I can't afford to lose this, this never-ending game of life. I will not lose.


This is bad, real bad.



-------



The only good thing that happened over the weekend is that I managed to only use rm5, for topup (which I finished within an hour and 20 minutes talking with Shafiq on the phone the night itself) and ZERO for food, which was subsidized (haha!) by Mama. Ma came over on Saturday with Izzati and what was supposed to be a short trip to Sri Munawarah to get Izzati's tudung turned into grocery shopping with me and buying me dinner, a foot-long Subway Melt :) Nice.

I didn't have any meal until five in the evening, with me, my Subway Melt and Mika. It was good for a while until I felt bored again, as I watched all the movies, and most of the movies he gave me can't be played. Never mind that.

Met up with Nadz and Afi later that night at the parking lo and we had a god talk, an interesting one I might add. Haha. Too much info eyh mommy. *laughs* I'm glad those two lovebirds are happy :)


I didn't study much though, finished doing a long Chapter 5 of IL but I have yet to do my Arab homework and corrections which is in fact due, TOMORROW. So good luck with that.


I'm selling two shoes, cheap cheap shoes. Don't ask me why I even bought it in the first place, that's not the story, it's the size. Can't fit me and it hurt my feet like mad heh. Still in good shape asI've only worn in for a couple of times (read: size is slightly smaller). Any takers?




I need money. Maybe I should start doing something useful, like saving money and not spending so much on topup and forever calling people and not have them call me instead as if I'm using postpaid, making cards or sell-able stuffs, selling my old stuffs that can still be used - clothes, shoes etc. Yeah, why not. Maybe I should.

Fun people, great friends

I'm back in Uia folks. Yes :) Kinda happy to be back, although the darn cafe is closed and it feels ubber quiet heh. Arrived here around 11.30am. Said my goodbyes and they went on their way.

At 1pm, Niksu and Syuk came, along with Bubu. YEAY :D Sent Bubu home, then we drove around 14 and found no parking space, ZILCH. Syuk aka our driver of the day, then decided to head for MidV and as usual, it's packed as hell, even before the entrance so we deviated our course and headed to Bangsar instead. Our driver, he rocks. Haha.

Boy, we sure had an interesting lunch HAHA. We ate at this restaurant, kinda mamak-like, and it was so cool how they serve the meals. No dishes folks, but banana leaves :D Interesting. Teringat zaman dahulu kala (although belum wujud pun waktu tu hahaha). The food's good too, it's alright, although a bit pricey, I suppose it's okay. It was our treat for Syuk, since he was such a good driver and photographer, member member takda hal lah haha. Talked and talked. Then we walked and walked (inside Bangsar Village), where Syuk bought this um, whatever thingie at Toys'r'us (is that how you spell it?) and had it wrapped. AWWWWW, comel gila.

Takpa Syuk, birthday you nnt, Niksu and I will get you something nice :D

Oh and there was this little store, Whimsical Articles, it sells a lot of art materials, more to scrapbooking and the likes, oh and also CUTE tee's with ubber cute prints and those little soft toys, Doodolls, I think. Heh. No, we did not shop, only Syuk did. Can't, I've only a few bucks till January. HEH. We camwhored in the car on our way back and took some good shots :) Kudos to Niksu for managing that. Hahaha. It was good.


AND SO SYUK, we finally met :) Tapi nasib sbb dah kenal online lama takda la nak malu malu sgt :) Oh, and we didn't even turn on the radio on our way back. Like I said, who needs that, when you have great friends, no? Chueh. Poyo jap.








I noticed my blog posts are getting lifeless day by day. Maybe it's the mood and the lack of effort to even write. Heh, I don't have the flair. But I like to think I do, HAHA. Chueh.


Next date (yet to plan): FIZA. Kalau dapat dengan Shafiq would be oh-so-great too :D If only.


Oh and not forgetting... Today's my parents' 19th anniversary. Quite a long way down marriage lane now eh, well, it's good than. May Allah bless you both :)

Happy 19th Anniversary Mama & Abah

Note to self: EXERCISE. I am getting extremely fat. Be worried, be very worried.

Fed up

HOW TO INSTALL A SOFTWARE/HARDWARE INTO PC.


Put in the goddamn CD, they are bound to supply you with it, into the goddamn drive and let the computer do the rest.

READ the goddamn instructions and do as it says!

PASTI BOLEH INSTALL, TAKDE TAK BOLEH TAK BOLEH.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF YOU DIDN'T EVEN GODDAMN TRY?


Don't call me unless it's important, cause I know you're just too goddamn lazy to do it yourself, and you talk about delegation.


PUHHH-LEASE.




&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&


What if it IS a boy?



Why? Can't it be a boy?












SEBOK, SEBOK SEBOK SEBOK SGT.









It's annoying okay, I'm not a freaking baby anymore.
DEAL WITH IT!

Money baby

So yeah, this thing doesn't have Microsoft Access, so I told Abah, and he said we'd go find it at MidV. So we went, to the shop and after browsing at computers and such, we asked about the software. Ohmigoshbigosh! It costs a whopping rm1150.



GUGUR JANTUNG.




Hey, it wasn't my idea okay. He wanted it. Of course I felt guilty, gahh. Which is even suckier, because, say I don't perform well (meaning get DL) I AM GONNA DIE.



Ma said I better perform, OR ELSE...!


*cabut lari*

------------

We played the Truth game. No, not truth or dare. Just Truth. Just like that story, yeah. It was good. Heh.




Tomorrow, no Mika, no no. Study okay study. Sigh.


I should get some sleep.....after I install this darn thing yea yea.

------------

2007 is ending...
&& so I decided to do this survey (posted by Atikah and Kak As) here:

1) Where did you begin 2007?
At home, I don't go anywhere, remember.

2) What was your status on Valentine's Day?
With a jerk.

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yeah, CFS.

4) How did you earn your money?
Government Scholarship & FAMA (Father & Mother) Scholar haha.

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
Nope, zilch.

6) Did you have any encounters with the police?
Nope, zilch.

7) Where did you go on vacation?
Just Langkawi, and the usual trip back to Kedah.

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Mika :) & Microsoft Office Proffesional.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
My aunt.

10) Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yes, my relative.

12) Did you move anywhere?
Just to Pj to study.

14) What concerts/shows did you go to?
ZILCH.

15) Are you registered to vote?
Still under aged.

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
Couldn't care less.

17) Where do you live now?
Wangsa Maju, home sweet home.

18) Describe your birthday?
Went out with him & met up with Anna.

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
A LOT OF MISTAKES obviously, breaking up with him (about time!) and falling in love yet again, of all places ;)

20) What has been your favorite moment?
A LOT. A LOT.

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I am stronger without him, and I can and will survive without him haunting me.

22) Any new additions to your family?
Nope.

23) What was your worst month?
March, July-Sept, November; all of which were caused by that jackasspoo.

24) What music will you remember 2007 by?
The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You, that's the first that came to mind, although I reckon there's more. Haha.

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
None.

26) Made new friends?
Yes, and happy about it :D Very happy.

27) New best friend?
Yeahhh, new boyfriend too HAHA. Old friends remains the same. Win-win. Scores!

28) Favorite Night out?
Among the few, while at Afi's and Shafiq's :D

I tag: anyone willing to do this survey.

Heroes Marathon

I lovelovelovelovelovelove Heroes. So yeah, I watched the whole thing. Yesza!


It's almost four in the morning (cue:gwen's song HAHAHA)



So, Imma sleep now. Haha. Nite.

Something new

I cut my hair :)


A breath of fresh air, chuehh.





So I'm stuck at home still, no tak keluar pun. Hah. That's NEW. Chett. The girls are going out tomorrow and sadly, I won't be joining them, as always. Sigh. Sometimes it'd be nice to go out with them.











Sometimes, when life gets you down, just smile and let it go....no?












BUMMER.

Deal with it

I went to his page and deleted every single comment I ever sent him, in his profile and his pictures.


I realized now (and before pun) that whenever I'm bored, sad, nervous, down, alone or just feeling all the low points, I'd clean things up or rearrange everything. Like spring cleaning. Yeah. I don't know why, but it seems that way. I remember when I came home last semester and I was feeling a bit sad, knowing I won't be seeing my friends until I get back, so yeah, I did a whole lot of rearranging and cleaning. Cleaned out my lockers, cupboards and threw out almost everything that I did not matter to me. Yeah. Bit by bit, more and more items are thrown into the garbage bag. It's just the way how I handle with things, with my feelings most likely.

Heh.

And now I'm doing this. I haven't the time to do it before, and, now that I'm feeling anxious and slightly guilty, that's the first thing that came to mind. I need to let it go, the feeling. It's nothing. Play it safe, play it well.



I'm sorry.



I will forever be a baby to my parents, especially my dad. I know he loves me, but then, I am a big girl now, sooner or later, I'm gonna spread my wings and venture into this world on my own. Well, I think right now, I already am.



You have to let me go, one way or another, and trust me, I will always be your little girl.






Things are gonna be just fine. Trust me :)

Cold water

Sunday (yesterday)was, was, was, BORINGGGGGG.

Sigh. I woke up early, played with Mika, listened to songs, got mad, got bored, felt lonely and was ALONE.

I hate the feeling of being alone, of being lonely, who does. Sure you'd wanna have some 'Me' time, but too much of 'Me' time is just........ entahlah. Hmm.


By nightfall, I was REALLY pissed off.

Why? Read:

1. Windows media player was acting stupid again, by the end of every song they'd get stuck bit by bit.

2. I'm hungry, bored and very much alone.

3. I have no money.


I don't know where Zhaf is, Afi was occupied and Shafiq won't be back till the morning after. Of course I was bored. Plus Mika's song player went bzzt bzzt at the end of every song. BAKA. If the cause is the damn player then I might just call Dell. Look, it's not like I dropped Mika or slammed on it (which I almost did out of anger) but it's NEW. NEW. NEW. NEW. I felt like calling Dell and making them regret for selling this stuff to me. Stupid.

And stupid Vista. Stupid. Stupid. The guy said something about Windows Xp and stuff. I might just use Xp, yes! Sure, Vista's graphics or the 3D idea thing is nice but it's just so.... LECEH.

The format's all different it can't even read the stupid database thing for Comp2. Apakajadah? Yeah so I was pissed. Not because of the Pc but with the stupid Vista thing.

YOU SHOULD'VE HAD IT TESTED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN BEFORE SELLING IT IN THE MARKET. CAN'T YOU HIRE PEOPLE TO DO THAT? THAN ACTUALLY PUTTING IT ON THE MARKET THEN ONLY DECIDE THAT IT'S STILL UNSTABLE. THAT'S JUST PLAIN STUPID.

For Vista fans, shut your pipehole I don't wanna hear shit about it. For the moment, I am pissed. Freaking pissed.

Okay, so yes I'm a shopaholic, I just worry I might use more on food till I get my money in January. Okay so, that's my fault for overspending, I can't help myself. Right right. Maybe I might ask Ma to topup a hundred, hey she didn't give me any money for December okaaaaaaayyyy plus I borrowed a fifty from Zhaf and I wanna pay it back before I forget. Hmm.

Shopaholic schmopoholic, I need to keep this together.



Sigh. I should just take a breather really.








S T U P I D




-----




So Afi accompanied me to dinner, a very late dinner indeed and we had our talk which was good since I can't recall when we had our last talk (we were always busy with our schedules). Boys can be effin slow and daft sometimes. Boys or men, you guys should really pick up the pace or at least try. Some things are better left unspoken, the action of saying it out is just embarrassing for both parties. This is, generally. So why not, be the minority, why not? Kan.








I don't have the mood to blog. And I don't think I'll be online after this, not after I get myself home.





Later.



















------------


I want you here tonight
I want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down...

Except you my love. Except you my love...










Monday 17/12/2007
2.16am

Shopaholic on the run

Saturday was great, with the except of a few low points but it was great altogether.


This is/will be be an insanely LONG post. You are advised to leave and not bore yourself out reading this piece of blog that is not even worth your time or matter in your already important life.



So...




I left home at about 9, arrived in Uia, freshen up, got dressed and headed straight to Klcc :) And so begins my shopping spree.

I went alone, Zhaf was still sleeping (I had a hunch and I didn't want to trouble him), Shafiq couldn't make it (he was at home) and Afi had other plans. So yes, I was alone. It's not so bad shopping alone, I'm quite used to it, plus I don't really wanna trouble anyone (I can be a fussy shopper at times plus I walk a lot you might tire yourself out), but then again, sometimes you just wished they're there, at least you get to talk somebody, walk with somebody and actually exchanging opinions about things. Yeah, have REAL CONVERSATIONS and not talking to your own self in your head (okay I sound sad now).

I checked out some bags at Isetan, liked a CK (Calvin Klein) bag which costs about four hundred something (waaaay over budget and it was a tad too small for Mika anyway) so I moved on to Gap before checking out Parksons. There was a nice brown leather bag at Gap, but too pricey, it costs rm497, so unless you're willing to pay for me, I'm not buying it. I stopped by Marks & Spencer, there were SALE everywhere I had to check it out and end up buying a pair of golden ballet pumps which only cost me rm54 (after discount!). It was a good bargain plus, it was pretty :D Parksons had nothing to offer really, Fossil was mediocre by design (but the men's line were nice though) and a tad too pricey as well. While there, I checked out Dorothy Perkins and bumped into Brina. She worked there apparently, part timer. So cool. Hello hello. Tried on this pretty top but they didn't have my size at the store. Brina said it's available at DP Pavillion, so I went. Why not? Alang alang dah keluar tu, pergi je la, tak penah pegy Pavillion kottttt.

Took a cab (no way I'm walking there), lo and behold, Pavillion is just superb. Very spacious, stylish and classy. With a variety of stores, ranging from Forever 21 to Burberry to Bata (yes Bata! note: Bata is not a Malaysian brand), it's 'the' shopping haven for a shopaholic like mpi. Heh. No I did not gawk lah. But yes, it was superb alright. Mama and Abah would love it there. Klcc kalah, maaf ba. Go Pavillion go go. Pavillion is the new Klcc minus the two towers ;) Haha. Oh yeah, I bought the top from Dorothy Perkins, tried on another pretty number, am planning to buy it on my next outing :D Yeehaaa. So that, rm79. And of course, Tangs is there. Hurrah! Note: I used to buy shoes there when I was younger, kasut raya lah, they have really good quality shoes for a good price too. So yes, I checked it out. It was hard, I wanted the shoes so badly. So yes, right now there ware two of them flats that I want, peep-toe ballet pumps that is, both at rm149 respectively. Nak nak! Had to retain myself from spending ALL my money (hahaha unlikely lah). I bought the bag, cost me a good two hundred ringgit, ngeh. Shoot me already. Luckily for me they were there - Wafa, Nad, Mira, Keyna & - to stop me haha. Crazy shopaholic on the loose hahaha. Boyan. I was ecstatic to see the boys again, company! It was a short meeting though, they left soon after to catch 'The Golden Compass'. They did invite me to tag along but I had promised Shafiq I'd watch it with him, whenever that will be.

I didn't have breakfast or lunch till about 3.30pm and that alone, pretty much sucked. Note: this is the low point of shopping alone.

You are ALONE.

Bosan, resulting in me calling Shafiq every hour or Zhaf or Wafa (but mostly Shafiq, bothering him, updating him with unneccessary stuff and asking for his opinions on things) so yeah, that's the down side of it.

I later went back to Klcc to meet up with friends, Meuy (as planned) and some others, Afi & Azim. Then I walked all the way to Rantai Arts alone, it was only a three minute walk, to see Ema. When I got there, first thing that came to mind: OKAAAAYYY, why am I here again? Scary.

But it was, it was. I was a little intimidated by them, - they were in their gear; extremely overdressed with their racoon hairs and excessive eyeliner; while I was there with my baggy pants and white top, makeup-less face, slippers and shopping bags - they did look quite mean and me, out of place. And the fact that I do not fancy people staring at me (it's just like your Mamma didn't teach you anything, you rude petty scum you). It's not that you can't be bold and all, but it looks like you don't have a future, like being a part of an emo group or whatever you wanna call it is the only thing you wanna do in life. Heh. Wtv. Big issue there man.

Thank god Ema found me, for if she hadn't I would've left that very instant. I just wanted to check it out, see the booths and what they have to offer. So this is Rantai Arts,

BIG DEAL.

It is a good place to get cool stuff and the likes, but it's overrated, with people making it the 'IT' scene/event that one must or should attend to be seen or whatever la. Sedar tak sedar, that's what it is. APA APA AJA. I'm in the 'out' crowd & I don't have any intention to be in the 'in' zone, no, not if it means having to grow ugly-looking-racoonish-rough&scruffy-hair and wearing excessive eyeliner that'll make me look like a whore who just finished a job. Perhaps not eveyone is like that, possibly a small number, about 5-10%. To have passion for something does not mean you should forget about your studies and your future, and actually having a proper life with goals and resolutions, if there is any. Heh. Your problem, pity.

I met Afi Zulfiqa & Iskan & Tati. It was good to see them. Yakked with Afi, Tati and Ema. I was only there for about 15 minutes before leaving with Ema. Bought a few small items to show my support for Ema and Tati. Member member takde hal lah. But it was nice, the postcars :) Bought a shirt that was meant for Meuy but realized (only after!) that it was too huge for her. So I might just give that to someone else or or, sell! HAHA, why not?

Said goodbyes and parted ways with Ema at the Lrt Station, she had other plans (so did I) and went back inside Klcc. A lot of walking eh? INDEED. Bought myself another mocha, a cold one this time (had a hot pick-me-up caffe mocha earlier in the morning) and met up with Fiza. It was good seeing her again. Oh not to mention, the infamous Zarul (the one responsible for breaking her heart and stitching it back together, somehow). It was short but good. Fiza baybay, we must date before you head back to Aussie okay okay? I.don't.care. I was on the phone with Shafiq, already making my way for the exit when I bumped into Ikha. Gaga! After so long, dpt kita bertemu semula hahaha. Rindu gila. Then I went on my way and headed back home...eh, Uia.

So yeah, by the end of the day, I had spent about four hundred something but I was happy. One happy shopaholic. I am so gonna work my ass off, earn big bucks and shop. Haha. My future husband would have to be rich :P Ngeh ngeh. I am not 'that' of a high maintainence girl. Don't be fooled by the shopaholic ways and crazy tendencies. I just like style eceh eceh, and quality and moneyyy HAHAHA. Okay I'm not making any sense here. What I'm saying is, I know what it's like to live without money and not having to spend it on stuff you wanna buy and that this shopping spree (although tells a lot of my shopping habits) does not and will not make me forget my ground. Okay I'm being defensive now haha. Boyaaaan.



I met a lot of people except Nab, she wasn't at her booth at Rantai and I was too occupied trying to get myself to the other side haha. So, a list of people whom I met, both planned and unplanned (some I did not mention earlier as I was too tired to type any longer)

A number of Uia girls
Azim Kazim
Naquib & another s5 junior (lupa nama)
Brina
Wafa!
Nadz!
Mira
Keyna
Their two friends (forgot their names)
Rus & boyf
Hafiz Aed & girlfrnd! (didn't get her name though)
Meuy!
Phesza
Some junior of mine
Afi
Azim
Kaka
Nisa
Faris
Ema
Afi Zulfiqa
Iskan
Tati
Puteri Lac
Asyraf Jon Aed
Fairuz Aed & their friend
Amir
Khazoo
Afiq
Sabrina
two other uia girls (dunno their names)
Fiza & Zarul!
Sri Inai juniors all grown up haha!
Ikha!

So yes, my day was great, with a wee bit of sadness/boringness/low point lah. By the way, Mika fits into Stella perfectly, you should've seen it. Stella is the name of the new bag (the brand is actually Stella Stella, heck, why not just call it Stella then la)






Conclusion: Retail therapy is the best therapy ;) Sadly, I don't have much balance now, the next spree would have to wait. But I am getting those shoes I dare say! I might not be able to top up for a while, too poor to do so.

*laughs head off*






Oh yeah, shhh, don't tell Mama ;)





----------





It would've been even better if you were there with me..
I wish you were.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.






&& I wish.





Sunday 16/12/2007
1:04 am

Mika

So I've decided to name it Mika. Meet Mika everyone :) It's a girl by the way, although yes, Mika is the name of that singer but I like it anyway. Thanks to Shafiq for the idea haha. No I will not name it Oreo, I am Oreo. Haha.

And I just realized that there's no more Microsoft Photo Manager. Note: I edit my pictures using that, adjusting the size and colour, and I use Paint to add words. No folks, I don't use Photoshop. One, I don't know how to use it; two, I don't even own it. So yes, I'm Photoshop blind haha. I've downloaded Paint.NET though, it's not so bad I think, haven't really tried it. Still have a few downloads and I'll be done.

Hurrah!


Oh, and today, Niksu came by :) Yay! She was there with her friends Hazira & Farahin. She looked so cute with that haircut and ever so skinny lah. Niksu, how'd you do it? I now weigh at 55kg and I am quiet upset about it. Sigh. Apa nak buat.


I'm sleepy now. My eyes dah penat dah ni! I have a long day ahead. Mwah.

That's a picture of Mika. I snapped it after I took it out of the box haha. Notice how messy the dining table is lah kan. Lol. I larrghhve my new baby. No, please don't tell Mr. Durex. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay Imma go now :P

Hello baby

Hello from Dell XPS M1330.

And so it's finally here. ABOUT TIME! I'm at home now. Currently exploring my new baby ngeh ngeh ngeh. Okay, yes I'd pretty much prefer Xp over Vista but then, heh, takpe la. It'll take some time getting use to :) But it's all good. I laaarrrrghhhveee my baybay. Be jealous, be very jealous. Haha, BOYANNNN.

I still need to do something with the mouse or something. Will do it after I post this up :) I need to buy one of those usb ports thingie, I saw them the other day at the fair. And I think I might get an external hard disk, an optical mouse, a nice bag for my baybay and also my shopping needs and the likes. Hehe.

Will head back to Uia in the morning, freshen up and get dressed, and then head straight for Klcc. I'm going shopping baby! Yes. A lot of hunting to do. Tapi, sayang duitku HAHA. Insya Allah, will meet up with Fafa and Yoyo yeay. And then head to Rantai Arts (oh finally!) And meet up with Fiza (she's back in KL people! Fiza has landed!) and Ema and Nab yeay yeay.

Sunday, I shall devote myself to my studies. Yes. Good plan. Hahaha. Okay. I'm off now. Cheerio.

I am a happy mad cow. Moooo.

Get set go!

And so I did my Physics assignment mostly on my own, with little help from anyone for that matter. For someone who does not fancy counting and numbers, that is an accomplishment dear stranger. Laugh as you may, you couldn't possibly understand and I don't expect you to. I've got tons of homework, Maths exercises which I need to do (and re-do!), Physics exercises, Arab corrections and Il presentation. Phew. So it took me a while to get into my study mode, but I'm in now. Heh.

I'm thinking of heading down to Rantai Arts this weekend, I've been wanting to check it out since forever. Year after year, tak penah dapat pegi. Tgk la, those stupid Hindraf(s) are ruining my plans. If that fails, I might head to Ou and find some solace in shopping and bag hunting. If that fails as well, I'd stay in, get a Subway (again) and study my ass off. Well, why not?

I'm not joining the Leadership Team. I think being the firstborn and always having to carry such burden, responsibilities and expectations, that should be enough to last me a lifetime. Plus, when you've got yourself one-of-a-kind dad and a whole lot of prefect work, I think it'll do. Oh come now, with all previous posts and activities, I think I can handle that. Haha. Perasan lah. But I'll be joining them for the debating training. Yesza :)



SO.





Minimum I need/have to score: 3.7 cgpa.








I can handle that (right?).
Keep telling yourself that Alyaa, who knows it might just come true.












Laptop masih belum tiba.
Ada yang kena tembak kang.
Okay now I'm pissed.

The girl who sang

As she stood there waiting, she wondered what lies behind the two wooden doors. Curious, she opened the door and peered before stepping inside. The usually brightly lit and occupied auditorium was different that day - it was empty, quiet and dark, with only a faint light at the entrance. And the stage, it was free, free of anyone and anything, it stood there alone, inviting her as she made her way to it. She stood in the middle of the stage, reminiscing of happy memories. Inhale, exhale. And then she sang. Her voice echoed in the auditorium and she realized how much she missed being there as she belted her heart out. She could feel her soul soaring up high, having the chance to once again feel something she has not felt for so long. For a place where girls don't normally sing or perform, she could not care less - if anyone heard her or if the guards would send her away - she sang anyway. She knew he was watching, but she didn't care. She sang a slow song, her voice even, loud and strong. As the song ended, she found herself breathing heavily and smiling, smiling so widely that it's visible even under the dim light. She was happy, it was something to remember. She felt alive.


11/12/07 5.30pm
Amf Hall.

--------

Shafiq said the pants are fine. Somehow I think it's slightly larger than the one I tried on at the shop. It feels alright, but the lady said it'd expand over time. Afi's fine on the other hand, hmm. We'll see. The pants do look good though :) The scholar's in already, yesterday. We had lunch at Jaya, I had Subway, 1 foot long Subway Melt baybay :D It was heaven yum yum. Ate half there and the other half in my room (I am sooo gonna get fat again gaga). After two days of, literally, starving myself and only having soup for dinner, I think I deserve to spoil myself :)

Now that the money's in, surely there are things to buy, as usual :)


1. Optical Mouse
2. Converse Shoes
3. Laptop Bag
4. Two belated birthday presents
5. Long necklaces


Okay, so I promised to get Faiqah something, which I have yet to figure out what, and I'm thinking of getting something for another person who might be reading this blog this very moment. Just you wait ;) Laptop bag, I've got my eyes on that Hush Puppies but I have yet to hunt for other candidates. I want something that is big enough to fit my notebook and also pretty-looking/fashy (if there is such a word) enough for me to use when I'm out and about :) Multi-purpose, I believe. Converse shoes and long necklaces, that my friends, are must-buys, I've been wanting those since, since, since... HAHA. As for the mouse, heh, that can wait :D

No, I'm not gonna spend straight away. Spend slowly, yes :D HAHAHAHAHA. Ada ada aja ba. Whatever it is, study first! I did some calculations last night, of what I need to score (minimum lah) to achieve my goals this sem, and boy, it was scary alright. I need a minimum of THREE GODDAMN As! Okay. I can do this right? Yeah yeah, sure.



*bangs head on wall*



Reality check, STUDY. Time is running out and I don't want to screw up or I'm dead. Maths quiz was alright this morning. I still have my physics assignment and a whole lot of Comp homework to do. I just had to get online, needed to write before I forget about it altogether.







Bila nak sampai laptop ni? DAH TIGA HARI DAH :( CEPAT LA! Saman kang baru tau.
Note: DELL goods will only be delivered after purchase. SLOW much?









Now there are no more secrets between us, now we are even. And your response has only made my love for you grow stronger. Ily.

Dell Xps M1330

My date was fun :) Read:



It started out early, my day. Woke up at 8.30am, took a shower, get dressed, rushed, get a cab, get on the train, called home, lost my ticket, paid an extra rm2.40 and arrived home at 10.10am. Abah said he wanted to go to Shah Alam first, some gathering thing whatever. At that point, I was a bit pissed becaaaauuse......................he wanted me to buy what he want to buy which is surely gonna be expensive (it's not that I don't want to it's just that I don't think I should) and then, again, he changed the plan. He always does that plus whatever I say, about specs and stuff, noooooo never good enough.

Abah syg, kaklong still belajar, nnt dah besar sket baru la carik yang lagi power, or bila kita kaya lagi, whichever comes first :)

And so, I was just about to turn on the pc when he came down, all dressed up, telling me to get dressed cause we're going. Again, change of plan, but this time, it was good. Wise. So we went, my dad and I (the others wanted to stay at home, tak suka berjalan depa tu). The place was big, nice and holy macaroni, it was packed as hell. Kalah pasar malam! We went in the wrong entrance, apparently there were two and we were at the alternate entrance a.k.a exit/end. So yeah, walked all the way to the DELL booth, which were on the 3rd floor. We passed a lot of hopefuls on the way, but I had my eyes on DELL so yeah, we went anyway. But lo and behold, the Inspiron 1530, OMG !XOBILE. First that came to mind - damn! why so buruk meh? It was. I was.....shocked. It was not pretty looking, as I had hoped it would be. Honestly, it looked like the one my friend had, well, whatever the case was I did not want it. But then, it was a good bargain, considering that it has a 160Gb Hard Disk, 2GB Ram and such. But still... So yeah, was a little bit bummed out. Oh yeah. And it weigh a good 2.8kg! Can die la weih. Abah was suprised as well, I do have good taste, but this. Oh boy oh boy. So I checked the Inspiron 1420 which was slightly smaller but still not as pretty as I had hoped. I was hoping for something sleek, edgy, or stuff like that, you know. Was about to buy it, or possibly tell him that I wanted Compaq instead (although the specs aren't as good as DELL) when I said,"Let's check Xps". Last chance. And there it was, it was small, cute and it was goooood. Yeah. Like, the specs, they are alright. He took a look and told me to buy that straight away. Of course I was a bit guilty about the price tag, it was 3k++ you see, but then heh, with Abah, it has always been this way. Money was never a problem, even though having and earning money is. So yeah, we bought that. Heh. Oh and he just had to upgrade it to vista something something. Adoyy, more money. Heh. I'm so screwed if I don't perform. Damn. So yeah, bought it in black, it comes in three colours red black and white. Wanted white at first but then, heh, entah gedik beli hitam jugak. Note: Abg Epui's got the same notebook and his is white so now it's OREO hahahaha. Okay, that's just boyan. Was ecstatic I called up the boyfie and talked to Abg Epui himself and boy, there were a lot of 'I told you so' alright. He did mention about the weight, size and all but I was too stubborn, eh, I was tryna stick to the budget maa, nnt Mama bising takmau la haha. Takpe, dah beli dah! Haha, many thanks to Abg Epui :)

Suprisingly, Ma didn't throw a fit or belete (sian mcm Mama teruk je kan. takla, tapi dia tak suka kita - Abah and me - overspending, sbb we always do). Of course, since I had to pay half of the bill, patutlah. She's gonna take it from my account. Ha, ye la. I so have to excel this sem or they're gonna skin me alive!



My nose is at it again. I need to take my meds, malas malas. Haih.



Anyways, it was at its best when I met up with Wafa!, Zhaf, Bapak &&&&& Capik :D & Abg Epui & Abg Chey + girlfriend/date & Pica. Gembira bangat. Not to mention the two Russians and also, suprisingly Shafiq's um, admirer? Okay now that is overrated ;p Let's just say orang yang puji dia. HAHAHAHA. It was just a brief meeting as Abah was waiting for me at Kino (to signal him so that we can head home. Apparently, dia dah sakit pinggang time tu).

Oh and we met Abah's friend somewhere along the way. He was with his spouse and introduced her as his wife. Now Abah, on the other hand, he said nothing of me. They talked and talked and talked (oh and I did salam his wife lah) and talked until...

"Oh aku la ni bawak anak aku pi Pc Fair cari laptop tuk dia" (pointing at me)

"Oh la anak hang ka ni"

"Uih anak la, apa hang ingat girlfriend ka? Mana adaaa" (at this point I was saying, NOOOOO)

"Mana da pikiq pa pa punnnn"

(And we laughed like maaad, I know I did. Malu!)


Hua hua. Girlfriend? Malu gila la. Adoyy. Is it me who looks old or Abah who looks well, younger? Or just me having an old man for a boyfriend? Hahahaha, sorry la Bah, I don't date older men, eh, rephrase, I don't date old men (nauzubillahiminzaliq) Hahaha. Lawak je. Maybe that's why that man in glasses were looking weirdly at me when we were at the golf section. Hmm. What a thought.


All and all, it was a good good day my friend :) I got my laptop, my 4Gb thumbdrive (yesza!), my earphones (this I used my own money and now I am left with none) and most importantly, I get to see my cintas :D Wee. I'm a happy cow.



So yes, my date was fun.



Terlalu busy berdating cari laptop sampai tak sempat makan. I had my breakfast/lunch/tea at FIVE. Hah.








A lot of things are on my mind it worries me sick. But I'm not acting like it does. *scratches self*

Furious

Damn sien. Stupid gym is closed again and I'm writing a letter now. Just like I did Shafiq's. Stupid management.


Kalau ada kelas tu kak oi, jgn la gedik gedik nak jaga gym jugak. Paham enggak?


I've been waiting for god knows how long for that stupid gym to open. They did, the other day, once and I asked when exactly is the time and such. And that girl said, everyday etc etc. Yeah right. Kata kata Melayu penuh dusta. Ptui! Buat malu je.


Enough talk. Imma right my letter now. Now thou shall face those words of mine hahaha.


Okay, that is just boyan. Random bo.




I miss bobott. Bo bobo bobott. Dtg lawat I cepat!

Home, Piano, Shop.

I miss playing the piano.

Am heading home tomorrow morning. Somehow, I miss home. I miss the cat, the piano, the family, the chaos and noise, the bed, the tv and the food. Haha. There's no place like home, oh yes. But am just staying for a while. Suppose I'll leave this place at 8am (god help me wake up that early), will reach there at about 9am, then maybe head to Advanco and have my pictures done (yesza!), get home, play the piano and wait for the family. Then, thy shall go laptop hunting! HAHAHA. Although I already have one in mind, tapi takpe, bawak Abah :D Hehe.

I'm gonna play the piano as soon as I reach home. I.Don't.Care!

Mihahaha. Time's up. Need to go and exercise my ass off haha.

Cheerio.

Harassment

The harassment is somehow back. F you you ____! Vas ta faire footr! There's nothing left to say, move on, bother another. Or you can go die. You choose.





Some people can be so daft they can't understand simple language, simple sentences. No point in giving difficult lines. But then, raise your voice and speak their language which is full of curses and fucks, they'd go mad. Giving death threats and such. If you think you're the only one who can do that, you're wrong you foo. Two can play the game, or haven't you heard? I suppose not, since you're just too daft to understand absobloodylutely what I'm talking about, no?

Asswipe. Shinei bakayaro.

What I want in a man...

I want...

someone who will stand by me no matter what

someone who has their own opinions and stands

someone who will love me for me

someone who will be there

someone who will understand

someone to hold my hand

someone who will always support me

someone who will tell me when I am in wrong

I want...

someone decent, honest and himself

someone who doesn't forget his roots

someone who can make me laugh

someone who has standards and goals

someone who will brighten up my days

someone who can be a man, and not a boy

someone who is not afraid to admit his mistakes

someone who is intact with his emotions

I want...

someone who will not cheat on me

someone who can protect and stand up for me

someone who will catch me when I fall

someone who I can run and turn to

someone who can respect me

someone who is true and genuine

someone who can accept me for who I am

someone who will listen

I want...

someone who I can talk to about anything
someone who can talk to me about anything
someone who can stand talking to me
someone who can stand me
someone who can appreciate me
someone trustworthy and faithful
someone who can win my heart
someone who has a heart

I want...

...you.

Give and take

There's just so much to blog about today but I'm too lazy, heh. Today was alright, the weather was fine, sunny and windy, the perfect weather. A great day to be out and about, or, for me, a day to clean the house. Cleaned the house and did the laundry. Was pretty upset with the girls halfway through, no matter about that, it's a family thing, sigh. But the words that were thrown were sharp as knife. Let it be, let it be, I did try, didn't I? Suprisingly I found myself texting Ma about it, lamenting about how hurt I was, I supposed I do miss her, somehow. Perhaps I've come to that stage, age of maturity. Maybe. Probably. Sigh. I feel better now though. Ma's arriving in Kl tomorrow at 8.00am :)

I've bought my papers for a good rm30 haha. Gila, me and my papers. That's what happens when you let Alyaa loose in a bookshop, she buys stuff, books and papers HAHAHA. I did most of the stuff I planned to do. Jsut a few left, printing, Mama, bedsheets and oh ya, study! and stuff like that. And pack too. LOL. Good job Alyaa, good job. Haha :)

The weekend

I keep on forgetting things and I'm only 17. I'm home now, have been sitting in front of the pc of ra good two hours now, and it's FREE. Haha.

It takes forever to uplaod my pictures in fotopages. I'd rather photobucket than that, but then again, photobucket tak boleh, private lah haha poyo je.


So here's a few things I plan to do:

1. Buy my papers and more papers
2. Print out the pictures
3. Play piano like mad
4. Listen to songs like mad
5. Sleep like mad
6. Watch Heroes episode 5&6
7. Rearrange stuff
8. Study , I'd be lying if I say like mad.
9. Do IL notes -_-'
10. Do laundry
11. Put bedsheets (Faiqah tak buat! Chettt)
12. Count money
13. Call girlfriends and yak
14. Crash at Fatin's petang petang
15. Jumpe Mama, hug Mama.
16. Rollerblade?
17. Start a scrapbook
18. Cut things
19. Throw things out
20. Try doing all of these in two days.


Apa macam, ada boleh?





I'm good at stalking too fi, I just don't do it often.
I'm learning, ajarlah daku wahai sifu.





LMAO.






There's this hottie, no, not Russian.
This one's better looking, a 2ndyr :D
Gagaga. Sa-woon ~

Information Literacy

I'm in my IL class at the moment. The boys, Pc18, are really bugging me, so yes I played Freecell, you busybody you. I tried sending them the message but in vain, somehow the pc can't/won't send it through, ngok ngek. So I replied verbally to them, loud enough for them to hear, if they can. Heh. Boyans.

I feel good today, better. Had a good night sleep although my back hurts like mad when I woke up. Madam Aisyah is right, IL is a dull subject, a lot of reading involved and unfortunately, she's not doing such a good job in trying to make it interesting, or the least. I am so not focusing. Yeah, I know I know. Plus I don't even own the book yet, bila mau dapat pun tatau. Gah.

Bosan.

Bosan.

Bosan.






Fack. I forgot to bring my thumbdrive along and they're copying files and stuff like that. Adoyy. Mamaaaa! Nak beli pendrive baru please please. Note: Mine's apparently infected with Trojan Horse. Heh.

Woman Like A Man

You wanna get boned

You wanna get stoned

You wanna get a room like no one else

You wanna be rich

You wanna be kitsch

You wanna be the bastard of yourself

You wanna get burned

You wanna get turned

You wanna get fucked inside out

You wanna be ruled

You wanna be fooled

You wanna be a woman like a man like a woman like a man

------------

I'm at the cc again. Teruk kan. Masya Allah. Huhu. I am searching for my fim okay okay. Found one :) Am still searching for another two, if possible. Somehow the connection's a bit slow tonight but that's okay, Damien Rice is keeping me company haha. I loooooooove his husky voice. Sa-woon. I'm done with my fim :) Yesza! See, I work fast haha. I am fast, well, faster than you are boy. Ngeh ngeh.

Aum aum.

And so today was a bit overwhelming, especially at the end of it. Hoho. We had a talk about it, first serious talk. It was overwhelming. There were times when I wished he'd stop, it was killing me. Some things are just meant to be kept quiet but he chose otherwise.

Thanks for talking me through it although there were times when I felt like bursting out into tears, it was just overwhelming, too much. It was embarrassing, I didn't want to feel that way, I didn't like feeling that way, I've felt that so many times before it's enough. But still, you talked me through it, no matter how I tried to elude myself from talking. You were right, I was quite stunned to know all so sudden, I didn't expect it to be that I thought it was just random, not a close person to you. But in the end, I did feel slightly better, well I did. It was out. I did feel better. Although it pretty much terrified me and was darn agonizing, thanks. The good food helps as well, haha.

I love you.

Talk to me

Arab class was fun today. I had an impression that it might be dull and boring with Ustaz Toha, I was wrong. He was funny. Cute man, he's funny. He's the kind of teacher who wouldn't just come to class to teach just so we can pass the test, but also teach us, tell us about the wonders of the world, about Allah, about life and the good things (nikmat la). He gave us food for thought, those our inner selves feed on. He's funny alright, I wish he'd be our permanent ustaz, we have two at the moment. I think I might enjoy Arab for once, heh. Not that I don't like learning the language, it's just that the lecturers tend to be such a bore or too strict to make it a fun experience, you dig? Heh.

Danial texted me yesterday telling me about the time he had a crush on me. Heh. He's there already, in Nilai. Along with Asyraf. They'er doing alright I heard, that's good then, I'm happy for them really.

Zhaf was supposed to be the one to tell, I was too embarrassed. No, seriously. He asked me whether I'd be the one to tell and I said nooooo, it's just too embarrassing. What I didn't know, Zhaf didn't tell him, I had to. At Juta, he asked me what was it that I wanted/needed/should tell him. I didn't say anything. You know, it's just one of those things when you can't get the words out. He was curious, he wanted to know, of course he did, it's just intriguing, tempting, or in his words, it's concerning me. But I was too embarrassed I couldn't. Instead I wrote it on a paper, a paper I found in his pencil case and later put it back for him to read, when I'm not around. It's just stupid, it's a stupid thought.

Apakah erti ini, bisikan kata kata ragu

Bermain main di fikiran diri tiada henti

Lidah menjadi kelu terlalu malu untuk

Membicarakan perkara di hati.

Apakan daya hati telah merasai

Sesuatu yang tidak disangka, tidak diingini

Pergilah ia dan senyumlah semula

Diri ini tidak memikirkannya

Pabila menyedari kesalahan diri

Untuk meragui cinta ini

I'm at the cc, almost two hours now. I'm going home this weekend, Ma will be back on Sunday morning. Yesza! Haha. And I'll get my ass back here just in time for the play. Atikah woman, I'll be there! Member member tada hal lah! Hahahaa. Ah, thank god for Alil-Al, the best cc in Uia Pj yet hahaha. I managed to download four of Damien Rice's songs. One of em is the ever cool song 'Woman Like A Man'. Hurrah!

Sometimes jealousy and insecurity get the best of me.

---------------------

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth

Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt

Still a little hard to say what's going on

I was on Pie's page, browsing through his pictures when I saw it, I saw him. And then the song was played, coincidentally, 'Cannonball', with the intro already emotional. Fuck. It was a picture of them, the guys. Fir, Nadir, Pie, Wan and him. One of the things that sucks baaad is that we share the same friends, and it's hard, because they're close to him and for me to talk to them, heh, awkward.


Sigh, breathe, just breathe.

Still a little bit of your song in my ear

Still a little bit of your words I long to hear

You step a little closer TO ME

So close that I can't see what's going on

It was for the best. Let bygones be bygones, let the memories be kept away, locked inside someplace, thrown into the ocean. Let it go. Live the life you have now, the life you wish to lead. Gahh, emo songs. I should not feed on my emotions now, not now.


Breathe, just breathe. Inhale, exhale.


Everything will be alright. I know it will.







I haven't studied.
Bad. Bad. Bad Alyaa.

-

I don't know if I'm suppose to feel this way. Maybe I shouldn't, it isn't right. It's not that I doubt it, it's just that, knowing the fact that it was once that way, well, it kinda sucks, you see. Coincidence much? Perhaps. But my head thinks otherwise. Maybe I know the real deal, I just don't want to face it, maybe it's because I still can't accept the fact that it was that, that, that, THAT. Jealous much?

For heaven's sake Alyaa get it out of your head!

I want to forget about it but the thought keeps on lingering in my head, again and again and again. Sigh... It's annoying really, how I get paranoid and get worried about little things, things that I shouldn't even bother worrying about.

I need a new thumbdrive, the old one's infected with a virus I think, and the madam here just asked us if we've brought our thumbdrives or diskettes. Heh. Lupa kok, maaf ya. Apparently in Comp 2, we have to learn about Microsoft Access, all about creating, handling and stuff like that concerning your own database. The lecturer's kind of a bore, I dunno, the way she talks, how every word is dragged before another word comes out of her mouth, it's annoying I don't quite understand what she says half of the times, must be the pronounciation or the accent or somthing. Hola, do you speack Inggrish? Haha. Boyan. Sumpah bosan sangat, I'd rather read on my own. Belagak nya perangai.

Why do I keep thinking about it la? I hate feeling insecure, I've felt that so many times before and surely my dear friends it sucks so bad, feeling insecure about yourself or just about anything.

I can't concentrate anymore. Seriously, I don't understand a word she's saying. Like, huh? Omg, something smells, baaaaaaaaad! Gila.

Sigh. I felt like crying last night, was feeling slightly emotional. I wanted to just say it but then again, it's not even an issue. Or is it? Barneyy, tolonggg ! I gave her the same advice the other day, easier said than done eh. Sigh, I shouldn't think about it. I'll try, I'll try, I'll try.

&& my phone creaking like mad, LOUD. Haaaih -_-'

Doesn't feel right

Third post today, Alyaa hebat! Haha. No, haven't studied, my bad. I've got extra class tonight at 8.30pm and will do my laundry after that. I've got some Physics exercises to ponder upon, Fim articles and analysis to do and Comp2 to read. That is a lot. No Aroma for the night and tomorrow as well I think. Not until I finish my work. Gahh, Dean's List la sangat kan. Macam mana ni Alyaa oii.

Ukays' song is currently on the radio.

Seumur hidup aku ini yang pertama
Pintu hatiku diketuk oleh dua wanita
Punyai ciri selama ini ku cari
Berbeza wajah ayunya tetap asli

Kalau ku pilih di sini apa kata di sana
Kalau ku pilih di sana di sini akan terluka
Perlukah aku pilih keduanya
Bahagi kasih seadil adilnya

Sungguh ku merasa resah
Untuk menilai sesuatu yang indah
Namunku ada pepatah yang duga

Di sana hanyalah menanti
Sampai bila pun ku tak pasti
Bertanya khabar melalui tinta
Jarang sekali bertemu muka
Namun ku tahu dia setia
Dan di sini tetap menunggu
Berada jelas di mataku
Kasih tak luak terhadap aku
Sanggup menunggu kata putusku
Sayang ketabahanmu menawanku

Ku terima satu nota ringkas tulisannya
Dia sedia undur diri dan memaafkanku
Katanya anggap ini satu mimpi
Yang datang sekadar untuk menguji

The song's great alright. I actually typed that as I sang along to it. Haha. It's called Di Sana Menanti Di Sini Menunggu, that I just googled on the internet haha. One of my all time favourite malay songs.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I don't know how to describe it, even if I could my blog's too public for me to express it haha. Thing is, I don't even know how. Entah lah. Pelik sungguh perasaan ini, mengapakah? Am meeting up with Barneyy soon, we're going to the pasar malam wee wee. Maybe I'll talk to her about it. It's not something I want to tell to just anyone. It's just a feeling anyway. It'll go away. And I'll feel better, I'll be okay. I'll always be okay somehow, I have to be, now don't I?

Friggs, my phone's acting real funny. Crazy really, it annoys me every time I flip or unflip in. Stupid. It made that creaking sound. Gahh, must be from all those falls, okay, a number la. But still, damn annoying la weyh. Maybe I should put some baby oil so that it'll stop creaking. Macam bukak pintu yang usang. Bongok. That is one of the reasons why I never want to use a clamshell cell, bak kata Pn. Mahmudah, masale masale. Sigh.

Omg I think I just farted! Ho ho tutup hidung! Malunyaa, ter ter terkentut hahaha. Okay, I'm off now. Selamat petang dan selamat malam.

Tidak pasti

Second post today. I do have a lot of time to kill. Okay, maybe later am gonna head to the room and study a little bit, yeah yeah. Read on Microsoft Access and do some Physics exercise. Bumped into Farah and Wawa on the way back from lunch. They both got 3.9 and 3.6 respectively. Gila bapak terer okay. Both Engineering students, Farah has always been great in her schoolwork, ever since highschool, I know. Gaga.

Boleh ke dapat lebih 3.6 ni? Takut la pulak. Tapi tgk, boleh pulak online dak ye.

Say it right

Aliaa Nabila sent a message to Alya Fathi saying that Nilai pretty much sucks, or something like that. They've gone to Nilai now, the classmates. We had a small gathering yesterday evening. Met up with the group at Aroma after class. Stayed around for just a short while, I was a lil sad to see them go, and knowing the fact that I didn't pass the damn test. Boo hoo. While I was there I keep on saying 'byebye' to them, especially Asyraf and Danial. Note: they're going to Nilai to study Law. So I did, I mean, I am sad, for both reasons. I mean, it's not like I'll be seeing them anytime soon, god knows when we'll meet again. Fatin was sure we'll see each other around sometimes. Yeah yeah, sure we'll probably meet in Gombak but whenever that will be, it'll be coincidentally, I mean, we're good friends, not close friends. Even I haven't seen Wafa for a good one month now, and he is one of my besties. God I miss that lackshit. Cepat pulang kite semua keluar jom! So yeah, say it right, make your goodbyes worthwhile.

When you're somewhere new, the old will be forgotten, although not entirely. You will be busy with your life, new personal matters, studies and your new friends. Yes you will keep contact, but you can only do so much. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be.

So now I'll be stuck with second year students, in four of my classes and in two of them, I'm the only first year. No offence, but I just don't feel comfortable being around them, the already cold air is even colder. Nadiah, we didn't have our goodbyes, you botch you. Who am I gonna bother or talk to in Comp2 and IL? Gag.

Well...

Asyraf, Danial, Nadiah, Aliaa & Alya, all the best to all of you. Be good and jangan lupa ddiri tu. Kalau tak kite pegi Nilai pukul sorang sorang hahahaha. Am gonna miss having you around people.



Afi ngan Nadz dua dua pun berbeza di tempat masing masing. Dua dua dah jadi senyap, menyepikan diri sedikit demi sedikit. Huhu, pasti mereka merindui satu sama lain. Tidak mengapa cintas, kami pun ada bersamamu! Hehe.


Faiqah turned 15 today. I wished her at midnight and she was speechless that I did and even more by what I said. I did the mwah thing and said that I love her. Okay, so I don't really show my sisters how much I love and care for them, well, not in the best of ways, but of course I do. When I get my scholar I'll get her something nice.

Happy Birthday Faiqah <3>

Lunchtime, cheerio.

One week, seven days

This is my third attempt to blog, I hope there'll be no more holdups. There's A LOT to blog about, literally. And so the story goes...

On school, I didn't make it into law school. Apparently, I am not qualified to study law, well I did fail the qualifying test and I'm pretty sure I messed it up badly. Which sucks bad really, as being rejected and facing rejection itself is no fun thing to do. Sigh. Results were out last Friday and as soon as I read the list, I cried of course. Who wouldn't? When you know that you failed to, again, in achieving one of the many things you've ever wanted. Of course it sucks. It sucked bad. Really bad. Only five were selected, four boys and a girl. Two of my classmates made it, lucky them. I cried even more when Ma called me on my cell, she didn't have to say it or express it, but I already felt like a total loser, a big disappointed to my own self and my parents. Although Abah doesn't exactly want me to take up law, apparently he doesn't fancy law students as most are stuck up people who thinks they're too good for mere people like us, I was sure he wanted me to at least achieve my own goals in life. Plus, I'm sure I won't be one of them, sure people do label me a snob sometimes but that's even when I'm not a law student, it's just that I've seen the type, those who think they are superior than the rest and look down upon others (i.e exempted law students look down on those who're in level 4 in English, like, hell yeah). I don't have them for all of that. I've always wanted to study law, but I don't think I'm gonna try my luck and take the test again next semester, I'd rather finish with Ict and see where it goes. It's not like I'm gonna suck with Ict. So far, my starting point is okay and yes I do have a lot to cover, Maths and Physics especially (since I'm really fond of counting) but I can make it. I can do anything, I can do anything. Anything I set my mind to. Keep telling myself that and maybe it'll come true, but of course if I myself make it happen, and I will, for I am not the kind to wait for things to happen, I will make things happen. I don't like to wait. Nope. I just need to believe that I can, I will. Law would have to wait for a while, I'll get back to you someday somehow :) Chin up.

They were really supportive, even the folks, and I love those shiznits for that. Lovely people, I love you so. He was too <3 Abg Epui said I'm better off not studying law. Heh, chin up Alyaa, chin up. And so later that night, had dinner with Zhaf and his friend Alif and Nisa. Thought of shooting some hoops, I had the sudden urge to play basketball haha, so the four of us headed to the court only to find it's already occupied, some girls who can really play were practicing for their game (this I found out from some engine girl, Linda, if I'm not mistaken). Oh yeah, when Linda approached me, she asked if I'm from Nilai which was replied with a No and she looked a lil' suprised when I told her I study here in Pj and is currently taking Ict. She thought I was one of the Arts kids, as I have the face and 'mcm happening je'. Haha. I supposed she guessed that since I walked with Nisa, Zhaf and Alif. People here don't really do that, walking with the other sex. Most of my friends are those Arts people so yeah, they are not familiar to me. Haha.

That same night, they came to Pj. Who? Those kids, Nilai kids. Haha. Yes yes. Omg was I glad to see them, familiar faces! Atikah, Redha, Maryam, Mya, Dina Yang, Iliya and the rest. Also made some other friends, hello hello Dan Bob. Haha. Stayed around at Amf with them lot till the wee hours and headed to sleep after 3am, heh, not like I have anything else to do. But it was good seeing them again lah, even if it was only for a while. Bring back Pj to life! This place is dying day by day. Empty hallways, silence in every corner, no more sound of people hurrying to class or laughter, nope nope. Now it's dirty bitchy looks and preppy boys, boringggg. Boring. Even the eye candy is only eye candy and nothing more, that Russian, that is. Boring.

I slept in the next day, woke up after 11am, around that time. I was looking forward to having a decent weekend since I didn't go out once during the holidays, so yes, I was looking forward to it. Made plans with the gang, excluding Wafa and Shafiq as they had other priorities to attend to, the four of us went to Sunway. Sunway's bigger now, with more space and (yes!) more shops! Hehe, I wanted to shop there and then. Sadly for me, I didn't have any money left except for a fifty and I had to borrow another fifty from Zhaf since I finished up mine on stuff (which I will write about later on). We had Subway for lunch, yummy. I bought a meal, the usual and then the unexpected came, Nadz, being a Subway virgin, felt like eating more and so did I, so we decided to share and buy another sub. It was heavens, I love Subway thank you very much. Zhaf and Afi just sat there as we gobbled our second meal haha, like father like daughter they say ey? Now that only costs a lot. Haha. I didn't care, I was, still in recovery hahaha. We met up with Nadz yoyo friends after that, when I lost Zhaf ciggies mysteriously as none of us knew or realized had it fall out of my bag. Nadz had to leave early, he had to go to his gramps' place and stuff like that, so Zhaf and I stayed behind. We were a bit emo about some stuff, me losing Zhaf's ciggies and cause Shafiq coouldn't join us and not having money, Zhaf because I lost his cigs and gos knows what so, we decided to go ice skating. Release the tension bebeh. Mihaha :) The joy! I've always wanted to ice skate, ever since I was a kid, but never had the chance to as Ma doesn't fancy coming to Sunway. Never thought I'd have my ice skating experience with Zhaf either, always pictured it with Soffie, used to. It was great. I fell three times, the first I fell on my own which was funny really, didn't mind a bit. But the second time, some kid fell and my skates hit his which then made me fall down, and pissed. Damn kid. The third time was even worse, the worst of the lot. I was skating when I saw this Chinese boys balancing himself, almost falling maybe, so I went sideways, not wanting to bump into him of course, but the arsehole cleverly moved to the same side as I did and came the crash, with me falling on the ice on my butt, HARD. It was painful, yo. I couldn't move for a while but got back up and skated even more. Oh yea, fyi, I, well, we skated for FIVE GOOD HOURS. It was good. The fifth hour was tiring though, my legs hurt like mad but I still pushed myself. Note: It was my first time ice skating and thank god for my previous experience with rollerblades and actually rollerblading when I was younger, I managed to skate pretty decently. I just didn't know how to stop until after two hours of trying hahaha. Kesian Zhaf, dia nak stop tapi kena paksa jugak haha. Good times, good times. I wish to that again my dear mates. Let's! But we'll make it less than five hours this time, my feet can't bear the pain. It still hurts till now.

Oh, did I mention that I left my jubah in Nadz's car? I did. Later that night, we stopped by at Shafiq's house for a while which was a good thing, as had we not stop, we wouldn't have gotten the invite to go to Sepang the next day HAHAHA. Jahatnya Alyaa! But really,. it was the right thing to do. Haha, not that we went there just to get invited, it was random really, didn't actually thought that Nadz wanted to go. Shafiq did ask me earlier but I said declined since I didn't have any transport. Haha so yes, we were happy, really happy. So it was set, Sunday, 7.30am at Shafiq's, me, Afi and Nadz. Slept over at Nadz for the night. Didn't sleep that well though, my body were aching all over. Woke up early and we arrived there right on time. I was a bit moody though, in the morning, considering the fact that my body were aching all over especially my back, not getting enough sleep, having to wake up so early and rush rush rush, got teased at, got a pillow thrown at me (which hit hard actually, Nadz la baling jahat!) and a few other reasons, so yeah I was feeling pretty bitchy, but of course, I am okay. I'm fine. The lies we tell. I got better in the car, singing to rock songs and Incubus of course. Haha.

We arrived at 11am, walked around and played some games. It was good at first, really. We had good food and a good time. I bumped into Cikgu Zaidi, - he was the discipline teacher in my school when I was still a freshman - Im and Bidin. The two actually work there, what a coincidence eh. Lalala ~ We took a lot of pictures, of everything - the two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight of us. Haha. Took a lot of pictures alright. It was fun :) It was, well, until Shafiq lost his wallet. More like, STOLEN! Bak kata Afi, DAMN SIEN! If I could I find the thief I'd bash that little bastard and throw him in the river, you puny bastard. Shafiq was upset, we all were. We were sorry for him, sigh. Could things get any worse? It did. Nadz's car wouldn't start. I wasn't really upset about it, but then my roomie thought I was making a joke when I told her about the unfortunate events that happend, that just made me pissed. Bloody pissed. It was only after that, after about 30 minutes of waiting, did the car start and we were on our way home, the three of us, Afi, Nadz and me. Shafiq went back with his siblings of course. Oh and Nadz took a picture of the three of us - Pica, me & Shafiq - went we were walking to the gate after searching for his wallet, in vain oh in vain. Curses to the stupid thief.

Went to Afi's and left the house after eight. Had dinner with Afi and Azim at Aroma till 9.30. I was blogging halfway, well, maybe just a little, when Zhaf came and we went to Juta, where I updated him on everything that happened. Wanted to blog again this afternoon, but had some other obligations. Sigh. Will be seeing Shafiq tonight I suppose. He's upset that he couldn't get me anything. He need not fret, for it does not matter.

And so we turn one month today :) But it feels like a long time already, and it has been good.

Happy one month to us bby <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Xoxo

Wowz! I actually managed to blog. Bangga! 411: I don't have money, tinggal rm20 sahaja ba. Sedih bangat. Ma's looking into it, she said to check tomorrow. Fyi, she's in UK. It's either she banked in into the wrong account or stupid Bank Muamalat is having some difficulties with thier database or something. Stupid. I'm broke and I desperately need money to buy food and books! Nak study lah yang oii. Gagaga.

Now that all have been said, cheerio darlings.

Look out for the look!

I want and need a laptop of my own. Mama, beli lah satu please? I promise I'll be good, haha. I'm stuck with second year students, for three of my classes. Aack. Tak minat, tak minat. Seems like not only boys are annoying here, girls as well. If boys like to do that woo woo sound plus the ratty sound as well, girls here, they like to give you the looks. Like shit. It happens all the time to everyone, but thing is, they do it to people and when they are caught in the same situation they give you the look as well. Wtf lar?

Situation #1: Girl with boy, or girl girl & boy, or boy boy & girl or whatever that involves both gender being together at a particular time, and often, either one is the minority. Then came a human being passing you by as you yak with your pals and they give you the 'look', a long one in fact.

Situation #2: You are walking alone, heading someplace somewhere when suddenly as you walk along the corridor, you pass by a class with only three people, girl girl & boy. Of course, that is nothing new to you and you just glanced for while before looking away, and still!, the bloody girl give you the 'look'. Like wtf? You're the one in that situation so what's with the look? No, I'm not gonna report you to rmdd, like I have nothing to do, I don't give two fucks about it foo. I'd rather catch a chicken or play traffic if I have to.

So yeah, girls here are annoying too. Attitude problem much? It doesn't just happen when it's a girl boy situation. Sometimes, even when you're with your girlfriends laughing and having fun, they'll give you the look again. Sure sure, if all of the sudden you burst out laughing madly, sure, that's to be expected, people looking weirdly at you. Buy even when you're just eating and having a good time and chatting, they give you the fucking look as well. What the fuck is your problem betina? Didn't you momma teach you anything? Common courtesy, to say the least? Did you not know that it's rude to stare? Fools. Seriously, I'm tired of this stupid thing lah. Salah timing nanti mau kau kene sound. Then you'll get a taste of how bitchy I can be, don't make me turn on my bitch mode. Hah! Stupid fools. Mind your own business lah, kalau tau tak suka orang buat kat kamu, janganla buat kat orang.

And there was a time when I was waiting for someone, there were this girl and boy, talking, keeping their distance and occasionally the girl would glance at me, probably worried of what I'd think or that, I might give her the look. Haha, honestly girl, go ahead do whatever you one I don't effin care. No no, I'm not angry at the moment, just annoyed. Fortunately for them, my patience level is not that low, or haha lo and behold, Alyaa Singa dah datang. Tanya Kaka, dengan dia dulu pun I cam siput je. Haha.

New words new words. Results aren't out yet, oh god the anticipation is agonizing! Gagaga. Pray for me god help me. For when I get the results I will surely blog about it haha.

Okay, one of the boys just gave me a message through the pc, I don't know how they do it but it's cool and annoying hahaha. Boyan boyan. I'd like to learn that. Ah, definitely won't ask them. Class is canceled. Fyi, I'm in the comp lab at the moment. Not that I have anything to do really. Am thinking of going out today but I don't have enough money. Haha, kang keluar pokai terus takde duit makan. Ma still haven't banked in the money just yet and she's leaving of London this Sunday. I've asked her to buy me a couple of things, clothes basically. Yes I want clothes, more more clothes mihaha.

I've got plenty of time to kill. Maybe I'll get breakfast after this, eh wait, brunch. Okay, I'm so gonna leave now, am the only girl left. Bahaya! Haha.

Cheerio loves.

Spellbound

I have no more classes today. I'm in the library now, can't really use the comp at the cc, I'm almost out of dough baby. Yeah, been spending a lot on topup this week, five times already. Melampau! And Ma haven't banked in the money yet, I think she just got her salary today too. Maybe I should apply for that Ptptn thing, who knows, maybe it'll help? We won't be getting our scholar till next month, I think.


I think you've put a spell on me.


I suppose I don't really have anything to blog about really. The results won't be out till tomorrow, or Saturday, goddd. I so want to pass but then, leaving this place, godddddd! I wanna have both, can ah? Sometimes you just gotta take risks eh. Life's like that. Heh. I'm already on puzzle 131 in my Sudoku book, some with Shafiq's help, or dia yang buat la. Okay, someone just came in and now something smells funny. Ugh tutup hidung!

Had a bad dream this morning, about Abah going bonkers and throwing Snow out the window resulting in me shouting at him not to and then he went on and hit me like mad, and then at the girls and then at everyone. Then Ma came back and he went for her too. Scary! Woke up and found myself almost to tears, thank god it was only a dream, and late for class. Hah. Didn't even had time to shower so I quickly put on the magical robe (jubah je kot) and went to class. Of course, that is after I brushed my teeth, washed my face and sprayed some perfume on me. After class, had a date with the shower and voila, I'm alive! Hahaha.

I forgot Aleea's, Niksu's and Ikha's birthdays. Okay, Aleea's and Ikha's I totally forgot, but Niksu's, I never knew. Am so sorry girls, happy belated birthday to you my darlings!

Sigh. I'm bored as fack. No typo error there. Nervous nervous nervous.

Erin. Haziq. Fatin. Megat. Farahin. Ikha. Hakeem. Coin. Min. Fafawafa. Nadz. Hana. Niksu. Aleea. Alyaa. Ema. Nina. Meuy. Iekha. Caki. Ijoy. Syira. Anish. Hani. Mira. Kak Chom. Nik. Qurratul. Tuty. Wani. Atiq. Kaka. Daniel. Nisa. Muhib. Farah Ida. Fariza. Othman. Pica. Rasya. Shah. Shikin. Aniq. Ayn.

I miss you guys.

I am always emotional, bad bad bad. I think Imma go and lie down and fold my clean clothes and play Sudoku till I fall asleep. There's nothing to study really, I haven't bought any books yet, just in case, just in case.








I love you for who you are, were and want to be
And I know we can make it - in my heart I see
So I'll stay here and wait for your touch,
The touch of the one whom I love so much.

Happy;

I'm happy right now. Yes, I can feel myself smiling, inside and out. :) I'm happy, yes, happy. I keep on singing Damien Rice's Cannonball and some other love songs, again and again and again.

I'm having mixed feelings about things. But this, this is sure, this is real, this is true. This is something I want to keep.

Heh, now terasa emo la pulak. It's bittersweet really, I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm grateful for everything.

I need money haha.

Emotional moments, emotional stuff. Hmm. Life's sure is interesting, challenging. But I know, we're gonna be just fine. Kan?

Jika ku pergi,
jangan lupakan ku
ku tidak akan melupakanmu
Jika ku pergi,
ianya sebagai cabaran
tabahkan hatimu
aku kan sentiasa disisimu
Jika ku pergi,
janganlah kau mencari ganti
ingatilah aku yang masih mencintaimu
Jika ku pergi,
nantikanlah kepulanganku
kitakan bertemu lagi
aku pasti kan kembali.

I'm already missing you. Sigh.

Random.

I am seriously bored. Second post today! Hahaha.

Nadiah and I are the only first year students in our IL (Info. Literacy something) class. Greaaaat. I just read Atikah's blog. Alright, Nilai is that bad eh. Takut!


Takut!



Takut!



Takut!



Takut!



Takut!











Gagh. Emosi emosi emosi lah.


Oh yeah, Shafiq's wearing oreo-ish clothes today, yup yup, black and white YAW. Haha, scores! Got this from Aleea's blog, got tagged heh. She tagged anyone actually, tapi saje buat la, bosan.

25 Random Things About Me:

25. I have sinus rhinitis.
- a lot of grunts and pig like sounds eh hahaha.

24. I am OREO.
- black and white are my default colours.

23. I am slow, like, very SLOW. Or LAMPI :)
- they call me lampi, it's lambat pickup NOT lumpy.

22. I make up my own words.
- by 2020, I'd have my own dictionary, go get a copy!

21. I like to sing :P
- I think we've establish that a long time ago.

20. I never shave my legs, MY LEGS.
- Aleea don't hate me for that. I shave my armpits lorh.

19. I wear white musk.
- ehem ehem, wangi!

18. I am emotionally dysfucntional, PERIOD.
- such a drama queen.

17. I want a satin lingerie, the slip dress type.
- I want it baaaaadly.

16. I get paranoid easily.
- which is real bad.

15. I don't quite like sweet stuff.
- Shafiq takpe x) (Dia ckp dia terasa sbb dia sweet. Cue: "Is that right?")

14. When I'm really bored, I dance in the middle of the road.
- like a robot!

13. I always walk in the middle of the road.
- tak takut kene langgar! HAHAHA.

12. I have scales now, I'm a reptile aum aum.
- not literally, but sure feels like it. Sebab kene air panas lah ngok ngek. Nanti okay la.

11. I wear my white pointed heels even though it hurts.
- because it's white tudung day.

10. I like wearing bras, not like some people hehe :P
- Shafiq ckp taknak bagi sag HAHAHAHAHA!

9. I have one polkadot knickers and I like it.
- its white with pink polkadots.

8. I always wear my jade bracelet.
- except when I'm in the room.

7. I don't have a watch that matches my clothes.
- only have one sporty type, an old one which does not match at all.

6. I don't mind scratching my butt in public.
- I'm gross, do not befriend me.

5. I have a boyan for a boyfriend and I love him to pieces.
- nama dia Shafiq/Capik/Cleo/Roberto Ayala/Sir Ulrich Von Lichinstein/Benardo Guardi/Boyaaaan. Byk bonar dey!

4. I've got balls.
- invisible ones haha. Figuratively speaking.

3. I make faces when I read new messages on my phone.
- tah Shafiq cakap, ade ade je dia tuh ;p yela yela.

2. Once, I told the whole boys (Abc) block to shut up. I said "Dah mandul tu bising pulak!"
- and they went quiet for 5 seconds before yelling like mad cows. Mad cows I tell you!

1. I have a new basic phone.
- that looks expensive, like it has bluetooth and those jiggaboo but truth is, it has NONE. only radio. HAHA.

That's it I supposed. Heh. Random much?

I tag:
# Fiz
# Syuk
# Niksu
# Atikah

Kepada yang kene tag: BUATLAH! Mihahahaha.




Cheerio darlings. I'm hungry. So hungry. Oh so hungry.