Talk to me

Arab class was fun today. I had an impression that it might be dull and boring with Ustaz Toha, I was wrong. He was funny. Cute man, he's funny. He's the kind of teacher who wouldn't just come to class to teach just so we can pass the test, but also teach us, tell us about the wonders of the world, about Allah, about life and the good things (nikmat la). He gave us food for thought, those our inner selves feed on. He's funny alright, I wish he'd be our permanent ustaz, we have two at the moment. I think I might enjoy Arab for once, heh. Not that I don't like learning the language, it's just that the lecturers tend to be such a bore or too strict to make it a fun experience, you dig? Heh.

Danial texted me yesterday telling me about the time he had a crush on me. Heh. He's there already, in Nilai. Along with Asyraf. They'er doing alright I heard, that's good then, I'm happy for them really.

Zhaf was supposed to be the one to tell, I was too embarrassed. No, seriously. He asked me whether I'd be the one to tell and I said nooooo, it's just too embarrassing. What I didn't know, Zhaf didn't tell him, I had to. At Juta, he asked me what was it that I wanted/needed/should tell him. I didn't say anything. You know, it's just one of those things when you can't get the words out. He was curious, he wanted to know, of course he did, it's just intriguing, tempting, or in his words, it's concerning me. But I was too embarrassed I couldn't. Instead I wrote it on a paper, a paper I found in his pencil case and later put it back for him to read, when I'm not around. It's just stupid, it's a stupid thought.

Apakah erti ini, bisikan kata kata ragu

Bermain main di fikiran diri tiada henti

Lidah menjadi kelu terlalu malu untuk

Membicarakan perkara di hati.

Apakan daya hati telah merasai

Sesuatu yang tidak disangka, tidak diingini

Pergilah ia dan senyumlah semula

Diri ini tidak memikirkannya

Pabila menyedari kesalahan diri

Untuk meragui cinta ini

I'm at the cc, almost two hours now. I'm going home this weekend, Ma will be back on Sunday morning. Yesza! Haha. And I'll get my ass back here just in time for the play. Atikah woman, I'll be there! Member member tada hal lah! Hahahaa. Ah, thank god for Alil-Al, the best cc in Uia Pj yet hahaha. I managed to download four of Damien Rice's songs. One of em is the ever cool song 'Woman Like A Man'. Hurrah!

Sometimes jealousy and insecurity get the best of me.

---------------------

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth

Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt

Still a little hard to say what's going on

I was on Pie's page, browsing through his pictures when I saw it, I saw him. And then the song was played, coincidentally, 'Cannonball', with the intro already emotional. Fuck. It was a picture of them, the guys. Fir, Nadir, Pie, Wan and him. One of the things that sucks baaad is that we share the same friends, and it's hard, because they're close to him and for me to talk to them, heh, awkward.


Sigh, breathe, just breathe.

Still a little bit of your song in my ear

Still a little bit of your words I long to hear

You step a little closer TO ME

So close that I can't see what's going on

It was for the best. Let bygones be bygones, let the memories be kept away, locked inside someplace, thrown into the ocean. Let it go. Live the life you have now, the life you wish to lead. Gahh, emo songs. I should not feed on my emotions now, not now.


Breathe, just breathe. Inhale, exhale.


Everything will be alright. I know it will.







I haven't studied.
Bad. Bad. Bad Alyaa.