Against All Odds

The walls are coming down.

They were not built to stand the test of time.

They were not built to last.

And no one can save it. Not even them.

Colour me up

It's pretty easy for me to get mad and be pissy about something and it's also just as easy to feel all smitten inside and smile ear to ear.

I guess simple little things can still make me happy ♥

So I woke up early, did my laundry, had plenty of time to get ready which I used to colour my face. I liked it. I thought it looked nice with the new scarf I just got, which I also love.

I should colour my face more often. Possibly on my happy days.

&& could somebody get me a bottle of Benetint already? It's gonna be the thing that will save my life! ahaha, or at least my face :)


Have a good one everyone.

Boiling point

Today was a shitty day.

Don't ask why. Oh wait, you didn't!

Hah!

No surprises there.



:(

Respect!

Here's another thing you should know about me.

If, or when, I have a dislike or is furious at somebody , I will avoid seeing or bumping into the said person because the mere presence of said person will only upset me, piss me off and make me want to puke. I will also avoid talking about them (or to them for that matter), I can listen (even if I sound uninterested, but that's all I can take) but I will not talk about them or mention them in my conversations.

So much repressed anger, I know. But then again, there's really no point in saying things because, knowing girls, we will analyze every single bit and interpret things differently, not to mention the load of gossip that comes after. Kan? I don't need that so I suppose I'd have to settle with this repressed anger.

I won't be angry forever but if I see the said person (that I'm piss off at/dislike), it will only trigger the feelings I felt before. You get the gist. It will take a while for me to dispose the feeling and then, I'll be okay. It won't be the same, because I'll be on the watch and put my guard up, but at least I won't feel angry anymore. It's just so tiring when you have all these repressed anger, and some people just ask for it, you know?

So, in conclusion, if you pissed me off big time and I don't talk to you or avoid you, you know why. I KNOW that if I see you, I'd have to put on a mask which is very agonizing and of course, fake. It'll just pissme off more that I might even yell at you, for good. You wouldn't want me to make a scene and embarass you in front of everyone now, do you?

There you go, now you know.

Bundle Of Joy (Literally!)

In case you haven't heard, Mama gave birth to a healthy baby boy last night at 10:30 pm, weighing at 4.03 kg! Both mum and little baby brother are doing swell :) So today baby brother turns one day old hehe.

We named him Rawsyad Muhammad Usaid, which means "petunjuk yang terpuji dan berani" hehe. It may not suit your fancy but who cares? We love it! Baby Rawsyad is doing well, sangat manja and looks like Abah. Ooh! && he has a cleft chin. Like me! Awwhhhh. So cute.

He's our little bundle of joy. After 19 years, my parents finally get a SON, my father's dream of having an heir/wali is fulfilled and I (along with my sisters), finally get a baby brother. I've been wanting a baby brother for as long as I can remember, but I sort of gave that up by the third sister but lo and behold, God had plans for us all. Thank you God. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Will post a picture of him some time soon.

I can't wait to see him again tomorrow!

Nausea!

Here's something you should know about me.

As much as I have many guy friends and are cool with guy talk or just plain crap talk and all that jazz, I don't move my hands all over them, for example, touch them everytime we talk or whenever one of them says something funny, chase them around when they take something precious from me or just put my hand on their shoulders or lean on them or go poking them and crap like that. I admit, I have done so, a couple of times I think - there was that time when I pinched a friend so hard for pissing me off that it bruised for a week and once, or twice, when I'd stand beside one of them and start comparing our heights then put I elbow on their shoulders for a bit. But that's it, and it's been a very very very long time since the last time.

I don't go chasing them around or hit their back or touch their hands/wrist/palms whenever we talk or sit on their laps when there are no available seats left, I shall stand if that be the case. Put all the dosa part aside which is true and cannot be argued with, I find it to be wrong, at least for me. I mean come on, I'm somebody's girlfriend. The least I should do is respect that. Plus, even if I'm single I personally feel I should be doing that. I'm just not comfortable with it. I don't care if you do that, seriously, I don't, but that's just not how I roll.

Which is exactly why I absolutely hate it when I see girls doing that with my boyfriend. Call me possessive or crazy but I am old-fashioned like that. I don't care if you're cool with that, I respect that because that is your choice and your life and it is none of my concern so I expect you to do the same for me, give me the same kind of respect, BY NOT GOING ALL TOUCHY TOUCHY.

I don't care if that's what you do with all your guy friends but PLEASE GODDAMMIT respect the fact that the boy is attached and respect me. I don't bloody care if you're my friend or not, there are limits to everything, or haven't you heard? Have no one taught you that? There are times when I can be lenient, there are times when I am and for that I have no complaints given the circumstances. I can be cool like that, whenever applicable. Sometimes okay la. I'm not always an uptight person lah okay.

But this, this mengada mengada behaviour that you do. It just makes me sick, okay? Sakit mata. Boleh buta. Meluat. Sakit hati. Rasa macam nak suruh you pergi mati. Tak kisah la kawan ke tak kawan, tolong jangan nak membabi depan aku. Aku tak kisah kau homie ka apa ka kau boleh pergi makan taik for all I care.

So imagine that, if I find that unsettling, imagine seeing it happening in front of me. Sure, you can say "Alaaa we're just friends". I get that I do. But really, is it really necessary to go all touchy every single time? Perlu ke?

Tolong lah jangan jadi desperate sangat. Kalau kau nak sangat raba lelaki get yourself a fucking boyfriend and fuck off, or fuck him for that matter. Tolong ah jangan buat aku sakit mata sakit hati sakit jiwa. What you do makes me want to hate you.

&& you!, pleaaaaaaaaaase STOP BABBLING! The world does not revolve around you. That's all I hear every time we bumped into each other. Your friend this your friend that your day this your day that you can't decide WHATEVER! I don't fucking care. Stop whining and stop being so fickle and stop dragging everyone into your petty problems. You're making my ears bleed!

So now you know how I am. Jealous much? Yeah, you're probably right. But that is just how I am. That's the thing I live by, that I respect. I don't go doing all that with people's boyfriends and you should do too. If I can respect your ways I expect you to do the same for me. Don't inflict your ways on me, it just won't do.


Bear in mind. You wouldn't want to get in my bad books.

The Way It Works

If you get between me and the things I love, I will ask you politely to move.

If you get between me and the people I love, you will move.

(via I Wrote This For You)


-----

Suka :)

Poppysmic

I dreamt Mama gave birth to -- last night. She was bathing the baby and he looked so cute and tiny.

I wasted four hours in the center today. No class, yet again. I thought I'd have a more active sort of first week, like going out and all fufufu cause by next week I'll probably be busy with school and going home (often!) to see the baby, help out and all. So yeah. Come come take me out!

Some things to look forward to:

#1 Brunch with Ramblings on Friday.
#2 New baby brother!
#3 Birthday (ahaha lama lagi)

Quidnunc!

I had a good day today, time well spent. Met up with my girlfriends, watched a drrraaaagggy movie and died repeatedly inside the cinema hall but it was a good time with them nonetheless.

Just for the record, we watched Love Happens and it was bad I tell you. The title is irrelevant. We don't see the love. We can't even feel it! It's sad to see Jennifer Aniston acting in a sloppy movie like that. So save yourselves what 10, 11 ringgit and watch something else.

I can't wait for Sherlock Holmes and Valentine's Day to be out. Such a great cast (for both movies!) it should not be missed!

I will be seeing Ramblings this Friday, am looking forward to that :) My dear girl turned twenty today. Happy Birthday love!

&& I'm doing alright over here. I cried like a baby but I'm all good.

Duty patrol

After almost three months of maintaining long (& clean!) fingernails and after many (god knows how many) many years of avoiding the nail clipper, I clipped my nails tonight. It felt so odd; all this time I was so used to biting it to the core, sometimes until it hurts, and there I was clipping away and shaping it with my nail file. God it feels good to be able to type freely without my (weak!) nails getting in the way hehehe.

I planned on getting a manicure but I just couldn't wait. Besides, I'm leaving for campus tomorrow so that leaves me no time to indulge in any sort of fancy treatment. It's short now, way short, but I like it.

So basically this holiday wasn't quite productive as I had hoped, or planned but then I always fail to follow my plans because I am lazy like that, except for the part where I did a lot of chores despite waking up way pass breakfast and I read a really really good book and I spent time with my family and all that jazz. I planned to exercise you see, but I am lazy and I just couldn't be bothered. Oof and the food, Masya Allah, amazing! I got to eat at Rawsha, Tarbush, Mc Donalds, Nora and of course, at home. I love home-cooked food. And today, I just learned how to make one of my favourite dishes, Ayam Halia. Omnomnomnomnom.

Hi, I'm Alyaa and I love food. I don't think I like to sing as much as I love food. Yes I do.

I played nanny today, driving Mum and the sister around, went to the wet market and bought food (& this time really really paid attention because I'll be going to Pasar Tani from now on since Mum's too tired to walk now that she's almost due with the baby and will be in 'pantang' soon after. I can't believe that I've been going to the market for about...10 years already. How time flies eh.), drove them to the hospital for Amani's check-up with her doctor, drove in circles for a parking spot, went to Jusco to get Izzati's and Amani's school supplies (from stationaries to the clothes and everything) then bought MY own supplies and back again. It has got to be the longest day I've had so far during this holiday.

I should be sleeping right now as I have to wake up early and get my keys at UIA first then come back home as I haven't actually packed yet. I jsut washed the clothes and folded them nicely, but everything else is still sprewn everywhere -- I just need time to find them and find them quick. So yeah, I'll be heading back to my second home tomorrow, possibly settle in in the evening. I look forward to it, simply because I'll get to see my loved ones again -- the whole lot (& this time I get to see friends from CFS, although there is a particular person in mind that I, and we, look forward to see and also see what happens after, heh).

Ooh, and I found out that Aunty Kelly (my neighbour) have/had breast cancer stage 2 and just had it amputated. That's scary, ain't it. It's just came out of nowhere. BAM! Thankfully she's doing good and looks fit. I wish her all the best.

That's about it now. I'm off to bed, it's almost two!

Good night.

Borrowed Time

I was mad at you, for something you didn't know you did, or didn't do. Perhaps you knew, but you were too busy to attend to it. I detached myself from you, told myself that I didn't care although I knew deep down, I still do, but listening to those lies feels made me feel better. It sounded better too.

I refused to give in, to be weak, to be the girl who always find others. I did just that - but we both know that didn't do me (or us, for that matter) much good.

But that changed today. It was awkward at first - it was too obvious. And you knew, you must've known. I suppose that was obvious too - I meant it that way, I meant it for you and I meant it for another.

It'll take a while to get back to where we started but we'll be alright. It's time to grow up - for me at least. Big girls don't cry, no?


Thanks for calling. I guess I needed that.

The Distance To You

You told me it'd be ok. But you were the one crying.

You told me to let go. But you were the one holding onto my shirt.

(via I Wrote This For You)

Elvis

Today, I received a message from Ramblings. She's back! I can't wait to see her again :)

Today, Bo came over. We talked, we shared a few stories - she did, mostly. She said I look happy every time I talk about you or say your name. I think she's right :)

Today, I cooked and cleaned and bathed, but I still feel unproductive. Oh! & I haven't watched Friends for two days now. I need a new book to read that will be, or could be, my new favourite. I feel like reading Along For The Ride all over again.

I'm okay today. One more week till school starts! Booyah!

End Of The Line

It's funny how one tiny detail, one statement can change your day one-eighty.



BAM!

F

I want to do things that make me happy without feeling guilty if it might hurt some people. Ah so what? They don't care so why should I?


It's my life. So shut the fuck up about it.

#@$%!

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

RIP Daul Kim

I'm not that aware of who's who in the modeling world but I sure love to look at their pictures and all. They're all so skinny and pretty and have flawless skin and amazing styles that it's easy to fall in love with them.

Anyways, one of the supermodels, Daul Kim was found dead in Paris. Although the cause of death is not confirmed, sources say it appears to be a suicide. Sob.

She's a lovely one, that girl. She was only 20. Sigh. G-Dragon must be upset - it is said that they are pretty good friends.




Rest in peace Daul Kim.

You Were Meant To Read These Words

Iain Thomas gave a talk entitled You and I, We Are The Same and transcribed it in his blog.

It moved me. This is worth reading.

Some of my personal favourites from his blog I Wrote This For You;

1, 2,& 3.


This, this is for you.


xxx

The Superbowl

Hello you, it's been so long.

So, where do I start? First things first, exams are over and unfortunately for me, it didn't end well. Not even close. Epic failure, as Luqman would've said. Yes, exactly that. I know what to expect and I'm sad by that. Worst case scenario - I have to repeat the paper all over again (sigh) which only means I have A LOT of ground to cover next semester if I ever dream of getting the Dean's List again. I shall put/make a daily reminder of the consequences if I do not pucker up and do well. I've never felt less pathetic.

That aside, Barney's coming over during lunch hour tomorrow so I'll get to see her and catch up after uh... months. Well at least somebody's coming, unlike so and so. Today's post-exam plan was to catch 2012 at KLCC with my room mate Ija but something came up and she had to help her mum with work, so no movie for me there.

Well, saved me some money actually as I only have a few bucks in my wallet and another thirty in the account. Pathetic. I hate being 'poor'. This is due to my recent investment on ay very nice and sleek HD thanks to the boyfriend himself. Thank you, love.

And so I spent the afternoon watching ten episodes of Friends (Season 2). I am currently catching up on it (and rekindling the love I had for them, especially Rachel & Ross!), since I never really get watch it back then and I'm having a great laugh. They crack me up. I can't stop watching S02 E07 & E14 over and over. (Hint: WATCH IT)

Sadly, the girlfriends also invited me out to dinner tonight, at Pavilion and knowing them and knowing me I know for sure that thirty is not enough, not even close so I had to turn them down. Pity. I am, however, going home tomorrow so that's something to look forward to. Five weeks of staying on campus makes me miss home so much. I even dreamt of my cat! Heh.

What else is new? Oh! I have been sitting in the computer lab for three hours now, farming, reading, browsing, checking mails and as of now, typing this. I am hungry and I am alone. It's a long walk (and 8 flights of stairs) to my room and I am lazy. Just the thought of it tires me.

(I am still Farming)

Faiqah will be having her SPM tomorrow, so good luck sister! She's got potential, that girl. Straight A's and Medicine and all - unlike her under-achieving sister (moi) - I believe she'll do well. I really hope she does and we really hope to send her to KYUEM or something, if we can afford it or get a scholarship or whatever, hopefully. Sigh, it's a sad situation when the only thing that's stopping you from entering a particular university and all is money (reminds me of that scene in the movie 21 where the guy Ben complains about not having money because he wanted to get into Harvard Med and he's a really brilliant boy but the only thing that's holding him back is the money part).

It's almost nine now. I have about another hour or so till I can harvest my crops. The reason why I'm here is because I am broke and the cyber cafe charges two bucks for an hour and and hour is definitely not enough, just like having 140 characters to squeeze everything you need to say, which is also not enough. At least it's free here hehehe cheapskate sekejap.

Oh and to you little miss dreamer, happy nineteeth. I sent a text message to your Maxis line yesterday but in case you didn't get it, happy birthday. Hope this year will be the better than the last. All the best :)

I'm running out of things to say so I'll go now. I hope to hear from you (out there), those who have lost touch and disappeared because of the bustle of your daily lives; I miss your company.


Talk to you soon.




Love,
Alyaa xxx

Take me out for ice-cream again

Yesterday I went out for ice-cream :) After that I tried on these pair of tight slim jeans over at Levi's and loved it. Loved it. Sadly, I can't buy it because Mum recently purchased a pair of Gap jeans for me... and of course, I don't have enough money. Le sigh.

I miss home. I miss Mama and Adik and Chon most. Today they went to Mid Valley but they didn't take me along. Boo. I miss home cooked food too.

Speaking of which, I cut down on my rice intake and am now slowly cutting down on other food as well. I haven't started exercising or stretching... that will have to wait until exams are over. Oh and I no longer weigh 57 kilos thank god but I'm still trying to lose more weight though, maybe till I reach 52 or 50 even (if I could). Oh and I've also stopped biting my nails for about... two three months now. Not bad eh? I'm waiting for them to grow longer and paint them on my next cycle :)


Finals have started. One down, five to go. Wish me luck!

Au revoir.

Eff-ay-kay-ai-yu

I had to return the pair of jeans I bought recently because I realized they were too long for my short legs. When I tried on a pair of black skinny jeans, they said I looked bad. "Burokkk! Fashion disaster no. 1" Ouch! When I tried a different pair on, one of them kept saying "Asal besar?" Wtf it's my freaking thighs foo! Sheesh!

But, at the same time, a friend of mine of the same size (very similar, really) wore skinny jeans that day and they didn't say a thing.

Hah.

Because she's free hair and I'm not? Pfft. Well imagine that.



I'm gonna lose more weight and get smaller thighs and then I'm gonna buy myself a pair of skinny jeans and none of you can do anything about it. YOU JUST WATCH.

-

Don't say you miss me when you don't even give the fuck about me. When you never even say hello but you can do that to others. Don't give me that sweet talkin.

Hard to believe THAT.


No I'm not happy pun. Should I be? It's hard to believe that when I don't even hear from you. When all I hear are excuses excuses. I'm done going after people. I'm done caring too much. If you don't bother I won't bother as well. "Why bother looking for them when they don't even care about you?" I care too much, that's why. I value our friendship, THAT'S WHY. That's why I remembered, that's why I tried. I care about us, about you. Unfortunately for me, I care for people who doesn't give two shits about it. So why bother?

You nak cakap, you cakap la.

This has scarred me enough. I will not let it bother me anymore. So do whatever you want. If you care, fix this. I'm done trying to please.

Just For You

I am so glad I did what I did. Although frankly I wasn't really feeling it at first, I'm glad I decided to do it and I am happy. Beyond happy. It makes me happy to see you happy :)


"Surprise" ;)


I hope you had a good time. I know I did. I also want to thank Al, Izat and Sera for helping out and following me drive around to put the plan into action. Mission accomplished girls !

I'm going to bed smiling tonight.

24 months today.

I had a really really really good day. I feel like smiling to sleep or till my face hurts. I had a really good time and I hope you did too. Thank you for being you. I'm so glad I found you.

Happy anniversary love. Two years and counting :)


I love you. Always.

Your Day

We used to bicker every morning before I go to school, about how wrongly you iron my clothes or because I woke up late. Dad even said that's our favourite thing to do - to bicker about. Kumat kamit semua. I used to keep secrets from you and you'd find out anyways (mostly about me having a boyfriend during high school, a jackass for that matter) like you always do. Sometimes you weren't all too happy with me but you still put up with me and took care of me nonetheless, attending to all my wants and needs.

I'm glad I grew out of the bad relationship and with that I have grown closer to you. I'm glad that I can talk to you about anything (well, almost anything hehe). I'm glad that we can talk about crazy things and laugh like crazy women, that we always joke about with the girls as well and that we confide in you with a lot of things most people don't even talk with their mums.

Thank you for being there when I needed you. Thank you for being a listener even though you can be pretty bad at it. Thank you for listening about my worries (this raya especially!). Thank you for putting up with my sometimes shitty behaviour. Thank you for not giving up in me when I let you down. Thank you for putting food on the table for all of us. Thank you for rushing home in the middle of the day just to prepare lunch for us to eat even though you are tied up at work. Thank you for always giving me my allowance every month without fail. Thank you for never complaining about the load of work (or burden) that you have to carry. Thank you for all your sacrifices and thank you for being the responsible mother you are. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you.


Happy Birthday Mama.

Carmina Burana

Because it is too awesome it needs a post on it's own. But, before that, a little introduction about Carmina Burana.

O Fortuna is a medieval Latin Goliardic poem composed early in the thirteenth century, part of the collection known as the Carmina Burana. It is a complaint about fate, and Fortuna, a goddess in Roman mythology, is a personification of luck. In 1935–36 O Fortuna was set to music by the German composer Carl Orff for his twenty-four-movement cantata Carmina Burana. It is the most famous movement and opens and closes the cycle. Orff's setting of the poem has become immensely popular and has been performed by countless classical music ensembles as well as popular artists. The composition appears in numerous movies and television commercials and has become a staple in popular culture, setting the mood for dramatic or cataclysmic situations.[1] See Carl Orff's O Fortuna in popular culture.

You can check out Wikipedia for more info.

Here is the most popular piece, named 'O Fortuna'. We've heard so many times, in movies, in teasers and what not. Now, check it out awesome people!



The translation:



If you're interested in listening to the full Carmina Burana, CLICK HERE. If they ever come to Malaysia, I am so there!

Cheers!

TURN THEM ON LOUDDDD

I'm bored. So I want you people to listen to these. Check 'em out. They're awesomeeeee. Hehehe. WATCH WATCH WATCH.

Be a man. Watch the videos :P Show some love yo.






The amazing Eric Clapton! Singing Going Down Slow and Layla !

Notes;

#1 I know I've been very difficult on you and I'm sorry. Whatever feeling I'm feeling right now should be washed away. You don't have to worry anymore. I will be alright. I just need some time to let it sink and let it go.

#2 I'm sorry for what was written. I have no intention of causing a scene and unfortunately for me I have a stupid friend who does stupid things like that. I hold no grudges against you and I can only hope you have none towards me too.

#3 I miss chatting with you. It feels so long since we last chat about stuff and it was very unfortunate that I missed you when you were here.

#4 I hope you're doing fine in -ria. I know I don't call often but that doesn't mean I've forgotten all about you. Save 'em details for our next phone call !

#5 I thought you'd keep your word. But you didn't. I didn't expect this from you, and I'm pretty sure you've told -- as well, just like you always do.

#6 I really miss you, and you, and you. Please call me or kidnap me. It's been way too long.

#7 I was in Bangsar the other day and remembered about the two of you and kedai Rup, whatever it's called. I wish time will permit us to meet again just like we did that day. I miss the fun I had with you both. It's been so long since we last talked, kan? Well, good luck on your finals :)

#8 People just can't keep secrets anymore. They just like to 'careless spill' (KATENYE!) those secrets around. One day it will come back to you and you will bear the consequences. What goes around comes around.



Love,

Alyaa.

Don't say I didn't tell you

You. Memang. Bodoh.

You're hurting people and you don't even know it. Next time, I'm gonna knock you in the head, hard and I'm going to make you see what you've done to me. To us. Your insensitivity and slowness should no longer be an excuse.

What you did today, memang buat I pangkah you.

I don't need the unnecessary tension. It didn't have to be that way but you just ruined it for me. Even if it's not ruined, I'm scarred already. I'll be cautious next time around. Words will not slip and I will make myself clear if I am not happy with your actions. I will not be kind with my words any longer because some people don't deserve it.

You should have checked yourself, your tongue. Now you shall bear the consequences. Don't tell me I didn't warn you.

Scream.

Past events have scarred me and now I am walking with my guard up. I get agitated easily now. When I say I don't care, I really meant it this time. I could care less, and now I am. Nothing interest me nowadays.

Talk about it elsewhere and do those things when I'm not around. Those acts just disgust me. I don't want to know what you talk about or who you're texting with. I don't care anymore.

So yeah, I'm the party pooper. Whatever.

When you go, you disappear

Today, after playing The Sims 3, I fell asleep, slept for 5 hours straight and woke up to find that it's too late to ask my parents to pick me up.

I want to go home :(

Thankfully, I managed to harvest my crops in time. Lol. Can't wait to go back tomorrow!


Turrah.

Resisting temptations

I finally get to play The Sims 3 ! My guy Sim is shmexy and he has a stubble. His name is David and his wife is Emily.

I am doing very well in Farmville. Managed to get the 'Architect' ribbon today.

My nails are long(er) now (the longest so far?) that it's taking me a while to get used to it &&& restraining myself from biting it now that it's no longer shiny.

I have also lost (I think?) my nail file. And now one of my nails dah cacat. Arrghh. MUST. NOT. BITE. Time to go get a manicure.

I am still waiting for my toe nails to grow so I could get a pedicure. Blah.

I am trying to type with long(er) nails. Leceh. But I'm happy. I haven't bit (bitten?) my nail for a month now. Huzzah !

I am taking care of myself now. I minimize my food intake and I put lotion on my rough hands and cracked heels at night. I am still thinking of how to make myself slightly fairer, if that is even possible.

I think I have lost weight. My jeans are a bit loose (longgar?) now. Scores! He he he he.

I am also starting to put on (some) blusher on my cheeks. HAHAHAHA cannot go.

I miss Izzati. I miss Chon too. && I can't wait for my baby brother to be born.

I had a nice weekend. But I wished I cooked. What about you?

The Road Trip

If our arms aren't strong enough, we'll rip the roof off with our hearts. If the road is dark, our dreams will light the way. If there isn't space in the back, we'll make space in our hopes. Pack a bag with everything you want to keep and leave the rest behind. Because I'm coming to pick you up.

(via I Wrote This For You)



Come to me, I'm waiting for you ♥

John Mayer Sings

Listen on LOUD. Those words are exactly what they mean. It will melt you away. Here's the next Eric Clapton for you ♥

"Slow Dancing In A Burning Room"

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

I was the one you always dreamed of,
You were the one I tried to draw.
How dare you say it's nothing to me?
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

I'll make the most of all the sadness,
You'll be a bitch because you can.
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Go cry about it - why don't you?
Go cry about it - why don't you?
Go cry about it - why don't you?

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room,
Burning room,
Burning room,
Burning room,
Burning room.

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

The Scratches That Made Me

You buy things and you keep them clean. You take care of them. Keep them in a special pocket. Away from keys and coins. Away from other things that should be kept clean and taken care of as well. Then they get scratched. And scratched again. And again. And again. And again. Soon, you don't care about them anymore. You don't keep them in a special pocket. You throw them in the bag with everything else. They've surpassed their form and become nothing but function. People are like that. You meet them and keep them clean. In a special pocket. And then you start to scratch them. Not on purpose. Sometimes you just drop them by accident or forget which pocket they're in. But after the first scratch, it's all downhill from there. You see past their form. They become function. They are a purpose. Only their essence remains.


(via I Wrote This For You)

Mother tongue

Saya memang tak suka nak bagi orang pinjam laptop saya sebab selalunya orang macam bangang je. Lepas tu saya tak suka gila gila gila kalau buku yang saya baru beli tu dah ada backbone (aka ada line kat bone dia tu sebab bukak lebar sangat) sebab saya rasa orang yang buat macam tu memang BANGANG BIN BAHLUL sebab buat buku tu macam tu lepas tu letak balik. Kalau buat kat buku sendiri tak kisah ah. Saya bengang sebab adik saya pegi beli buku macam tu untuk saya. Haih. So esok, saya rasa saya nak beli buku baru. SUKA HATI AKU LAH.

Saya juga tak suka bila orang sibuk sangat nak guna laptop saya lepas tu nak bergaduh padahal it's my laptop wtf you should be asking me first. Sebab orang orang ni guna pakai ikut suka je, kalau rosak semua tak nak mengaku. Tapi kalau tak bagi buat muka memang mengundang nak kena sepak muka tu.


Malam ni saya bengang sebab semuanya bangang. Bo-doh!

Things to do #2

#1 Save money to buy Farm Cash & Coins on FarmVille.
#2 Save money to get a manicure & pedicure.
#3 Restrain self from biting my nails. Continue doing so.
#4 Try not to get pissed off with certain slowsukatanyasoalanbodoh friends.
#5 Walk... and jog too(!) on treadmill.
#6 Get food at Hot Roll tomorrow! or Go to Kino! Huzzah!
#7 Read up Financial Accounting :((


Okay I'm off to bed now goodnight!

Things to do #1

Some things to do after Raya holidays:

#1 Eat at Ikea - meatballs yumm.
#2 Eat at the warong near Alan's house.
#3 Eat the dory fish at Mamma Mia :)
#4 Drink Starbucks Mocha aw aw.
#5 Eat sushi !!!
#6 Eat Double Cheeseburrrgerrrr MakDunaldzz
#7 Eat Mc Donald's breakfast :)
#8 Eat at Al-Rawsha.
#9 Eat eat eat.


So basically, this is an eating list. To realize this list I shall keep some money aside so that I can spend on some good food. Eh, and of course I won't be eating all of it in a day lah.

I need to keep walking, and exercising too. Heh.

Ze list will be updated as I go. I think there are other stuff I want to eat but I can't recall. Heh.

K ta.

The Fear

Just the thought of it makes me shiver with fear, with sadness and heartache.

I am scared shitless. I don't even feel like celebrating. Long sighs could not escape me. I am haunted with negative thoughts based on all the bad experiences I've had.

I'm scared. I should be more optimistic but I can't. I'm trying but the negative outcomes are all I could think of because that's what I'm most afraid of. I'm afraid of that.

Nothing I do can calm this anxiety. I'm scared.

I don't want to end this. I can't end this. I can't lose this. I just can't.


God help me :'(

7 Pounds

#1 I cleared out and cleaned the fridge and I am very happy about it.

#2 I mopped the floor, cleaned the stove, did the dishes and I am spent.

#3 I managed to do everything I set out to do today.

#4 I bit my nail. One nail. I failed at that. I need to get myself an emery board before I start biting 'em nails once again -_-"

#5 I have lost two kilos yeh! Which is technically, awesome, but I still look big so... I still have a long way to go before I reach 52 or 50.

#6 I am having a headache about this whole shbang. I am tired and baffled and dumbfounded. If only things were simpler then we can all live happily without having to worry about THIS thing. Which is tiring, really.

#7 Mother said I'm paranoid and I think I am because I have every reason to be! It's driving me insane. I can't stop worrying. Bubububu. I guess whatever happens, happens.

This Just In.

My recent posts are all of anger and sadness and stress and frustrations. No happy stories none whatsoever. Life is not looking too good for me at the moment, with poor answers for midterm - and I reckon I'll get even poorer marks at that - and all the frustrations that follows. Gahhhh bengang bengang.

I seriously need to pick up the pace. So what have I missed? Let's see. I have about 5 chapters of MIS to revise, another two of Financial Accounting and about eight modules of Object Oriented Programming which will be on Tuesday ohmaigad. That'll be the last paper, for now and I have a feeling Nashrul's (that's my OOP lecturer) gonna give us some tough questions blahh.

I'm not happy with any of my papers. I'm not confident with any one of them. Not MIS, not UNGS, memang not Calculus and now not Financial Accounting. I understand the steps to make a bank recon but eff-you-see-kay I couldn't understand a thing - what the question wanted, which is which and what not. FAIL !

So yes, it's looking pretty bad for me.

I passed Calculus, with twelve marks behind the full score. I am neither happy nor sad. I'm not indifferent either. I just can't do anything about it because in a way that's what I expected. Haaaahh apa ni aim low nya ya Allah memang under-achiever T___T I could have done better, I think. I mean, I thought I wouldn't be able to answer anything but I did. Hah ha. Tapi still fail. Fail sebab bodoh sangat dapat markah sikit. Memang rasa tak dapat je Dean's List.

Which reminds me, that Sime Darby thing. Lagi la tak dapat. Haaa berangan je. I thought of applying, just trying my luck...even though I know it's a slim chance I'd be accepted. Plus, I heard they'll make you do some calculations? Haih, major trouble. Oh well.

Anyways, despite having a pretty sucky week with sucky exam answers and results, I went to Ikea today and got myself a new pillow. I wanted to buy a pillow (the usual pillow for sleep, rectangular shape and all) but I got the big Gosa Tulpan instead (this one's a relatively big square pillow) so that I can sandar sandar on it hehe. Oh! I also got a new bed finally! Eh, I mean mattress ahhh so awesome. After...12 years, that is awesome news trust me. So yes, next week I shall sleep on ze new mattress hahaha tak sabarrrrr.

Please pardon my language I'm just not in the mood to write proper English today.

Oh, and you know, I happen to have this really weird classmate which I have never talked to but I heard he's an ass (perangai dia la) and he hits girls. Not hit on but hit hitting. He tried to pick a fight with a girl (my friend pulak tu)! Lepas tu dia cakap, "Aku tak kisah nak gaduh dengan perempuan. Aku boleh (or was it tak kisah?) pukul perempuan". Like where the fuck are his balls man, seriously? Thankfully, dude has never spoken to me although he already added me on Facebook. If he dares lay a finger on me I am gonna step on his puny little dick banyak kali sampai dia mandul (like that dream I had the other day but with another person, hah hah ha). You hit me I'll hit you back, harder.

Aaahh I guess I do miss writing crappy stuff for my own pleasure even if I don't use pretty words to decorate my sentences hah.

Azza's flown back to Korea and I didn't even have the chance to see her, and she was here for three whole months! What a crappy friend I am. I haven't seen her since high school gahh. I'm so sorry to have missed out on you like that, and I'm terribly sorry for not sending you last night but you know I had my exam this morning so yeaa, I can't :/ I hope you're doing alright over there Azza!

So that aside, I am doing okay. I am not losing any weight, because I eat just as much as I walk even though it's Ramadhan. Hmm, entah lah. Tapi tak makan three meals a day pun. Alaa, whatever lah.

Oh ye, and Happy Birthday Al ! Even though your birthday was yesterday and I already gave you your slice of cake I thought I'd just post it here since I didn't blog yesterday, heh. And a happy birthday to Min as well although I know that he doesn't read my blog but still, this is for you neighbour!

Alright then, I'm off. Have a pleasant Ramadhan everyone and don't forget to perform qiamullail or something because Lailatulqadar is coming our way Insya Allah.

Turrah.

Disconnected.

Connecting... connecting... connecting...


"Sorry... please try later".




That's all I hear these days, that soft recorded lady-voice. And that's how I'm feeling too.

Murky waters

I miss talking to people - on the phone or online - about stuff like music, relationships, gossips, books, movies and just simply laughing about at our conversations. I rarely have that nowadays. I don't go online as much, especially on Messenger and I hardly call people now (because I'm desperately trying to cut down on my phone bill but it vain).

I am not so angry now than I was before but I am spent. The lack of sleep and the constant worry about mid terms are killing my mood (not to mention some other external factors pfft). As for my midterm, UNGS paper sucked real bad while Calculus was...okay lah. I got more than half so, not so bad. I guess you could say I'm just aiming for a pass? It's sad really, but I don't know if I can go beyond that - my intellectual capability is just not made for stuff like that. Hah. I still have three papers to go so help me God.

That aside, today was a dull and quiet day. I didn't say much and that's all there is to it. Well, I shall retire, because there are simply too many smelly people in this computer lab right now.

Have a good day everyone.

September Morning

I miss you.


I really really miss you.

The sun lits up the room

I feel good today :)

I had a good, crazy sort of dream where I beat a person up into a pulp and then I got myself a new item. Things will be good today, no?

There's no reason for it to go bad.



Good day everyone :)

The Glitter Phoenix Burns Again

I won't compose prose every morning you open your eyes next to me (I won't compare you to a summer's day).

I won't kiss the tears from your cheeks whenever you cry.

I won't remember every appointment.

I won't keep the sheen on my armour.

I won't know what to say sometimes.

I won't get your order right.

I'll be late.

I'll fuck-up.

But I'll write something for you when you least expect it (in summer or winter).

But I'll hold you as tight as I can whenever I can.

But I'll burst through the door as soon as I remember.

But I'll polish it until it shines again.

But I'll say something anyway.

But I'll go back and make it right.

But I'll get there.

But I'll try.

(via I Wrote This For You)




--------------

But really, would you?

Je deteste!

I don't f(!) care alright. I don't care. I don't want to know.

Why were you so excited anyway? So what? So?

If I do that to you I know you wouldn't like it too.

Like, whatever.

This is how I feel.

This is what I am feeling.

It does not change anything. I had my say so now I'll just leave it be. There is nothing for me to do. I won't do anything. I won't go around caring. Like, whatever. It doesn't hurt anyone else pun.

You don't have to understand. It's just a small detail that I am particular about.

It's just a feeling. Kan?

Don't you?

(via I Can Read)

Is this what you want?

It's like talking with the wall. You keep on talking and they never reply.

Sometimes it feels like you're the only one who cares, who makes the effort to try, to maintain such a relationship. It's like you're the only one who gives a shit and they don't really care, really.

This is not a one-way street. Relationships takes time, effort. You need to nurture it. Not simply neglecting it to rot. It will not work if only one side is trying and the other is not.

They keep on giving excuses when in reality, they just couldn't be bothered by your existence. They'll only come to you when they're in pain, in trouble or in need for someone to listen to them because nobody else wants the job. After that they'll just go about with their lives as if you were never there to begin with.


...and people (or even themselves!) wonder why they broke up or stopped being friends. Go figure.

Thanks for the memories.

I liked what we had. I still remember the times we spent on the phone talking, laughing and sharing stories every time something happy or sad happens to us. I can still remember the good old times that we shared, and of course, the bad.

There are times when I almost dialed your number to tell you the great news, or simply just to talk out of boredom. I suppose I sort of miss that.

I never quite understood what happened between us, but I'm glad we've gotten past that. Well, it was good while it lasted. Thanks for sticking around.

Screams of joy.

After twenty years of waiting (well, not exactly), my parents are finally getting a son. And I'm going to get a baby brother and I like it. It's confirmed :)

It's gonna be awesome. We'll dress him up in Baby Gap, Guess Kids, Adidas ahhh and all those cute little things. Awesome awesome surprise. Insya Allah if all goes well, the baby is due mid December tee hee.


&& happy Ramadhan everyone!

xx

Little things.

Today was a nice turnaround from all the days we had lately. It was simple and yet, it was special. I didn't realized how much I missed it until it happened. I miss those conversations I had with you.


Thanks for your time, love.

This is what happened.

Today, my phone line got barred. I took the cab to the station and found out that the driver is only 25 and has been doing so since four years ago.

Today, I paid my phone bill. I walked around the mall alone. I bought 8 plates of sushi for break fast. I have only one more day to qada'. I should rejoice, and be happy.


But I'm not.

Hate you

I am not you.

I will never be like you.

I am better than you will ever be.




Watch me.

The circling wheel.

You can't turn away, the past is said and done.


You hurt me real good too :(

Dream on

I was browsing the net checking smartphones, BlackBerries and all when I came across this beauty: The Pink Blackberry Bold by Amosu. Gasp!


It is gorgeoussss although I much prefer if the pink is treat/old pink but gosh it's pretty alright. Based on this article;

Valentine’s late shoppers might be interested in what Amosu has to offer you this year. Before we start you should get your affairs in order, maybe sell some stock to afford this cell phone. It’s your regular BlackBerry Bold in a pink case surrounded with diamonds. That’s the first Bold to go pink and diamonds.

The pink BlackBerry Bold comes with white and pink sapphire diamonds. On the front there are 86 diamonds while on the back you’ll find 242 diamonds. The diamonds are brilliant cut and they come in F-G color and VS1 clarity. Bezel carat is approximately 3.95. If you know your diamonds then you should also be able to determine their price. Amosu will sell the pink BlackBerry Bold for £4000 and the phone will come with a 24-hours one-year international concierge service.

Just look at those diamonds :O The closest we mere mortals could get is bling it with Swarovski Crystals (or something lesser). Heh.


Oh well, we can always dream, can't we?

Glory glory Man Utd !

I went to Man Utd. training session on Friday and their match against Malaysia yesterday and it was AWEEESOME. Lost my voice because of all that screaming heh. I have to admit that the Malaysian team didn't play too bad. Oh the final score was 3-2 with Man. Utd. on the lead, of course hehe. But like I said, Malaysia didn't play too bad - they were aggresive and they worked harder after scoring the first goal so good for them.

&&&&& they say tickets for Monday's match are now sold online as we speak! As you may or may not know, Man Utd. canceled their visit to Jakarta due to the recent bombings so they will be playing against the Malaysian team this Monday! Tomorrow! So hurry and get your tickets! What will the score be this time eh? Fufufu

That's said, some pictures :)

Alriteyy then I am gonna get some shut eye I am exhaustedddd nite!

Butterfly

I don't think I like the person you are turning into but there is nothing I can do to stop you. I wish I could, but should I?

Call me orthodox but there are just certain things I don't fancy. But alas, it is your life anyway and I will always love you even though I do not like everything that you do.

xx

Juliet

Yesterday's dinner went really well - everyone arrived on time and looked fine, the food was tasty (although I secretly wished I ordered another dish because three of us ordered the same thing) and we made the birthday girl really happy.

I'm glad we thought of it and made it happen, for her and for ourselves. Perhaps some day we could meet up like that in the future. Sadly, we were too engrossed in our conversations and silly jokes that we forgot to snap pictures during the whole time, only to realize that as we were about to leave and even those shots didn't turn out good. Heh. But no matter, we had a great time nonetheless.

It was a pleasant evening, a happy goodbye.

Shafiq, Baby, Alan, Mirawr, Anish, Honeyy, Aifaa - I love you guys to bits, always ♥

July 14th.

I received word that Chon got into a minor accident this morning. Baby boy was acting all hyper in the morning and then played with the towels near the staircase when he fell and hurt his poor (back) leg. The poor boy was brought to the vet and was injected with painkillers and as my sister quoted, he is doing alright. Don't correct me on my grammar, I prefer to address my cat as a 'he' than an 'it'.

Apart from that, hopefully, soon he won't be the only one I'll be addressing to as a 'he' hehehe. Mum went for her monthly ultrasound check (I'm not sure if that's what you call it) and the baby may appear to be a... boy. I don't want to get my hopes up on that just yet but they're pretty sure it's a 'punat' a.k.a a very small looking penis. Heh. If that be so I shall finally have a baby brother! :O Oooh so excited! We can finally dress him in all the cute Baby Gap clothing and what not heh heh heh.

Will reconfirm on that next month.

Family stuff aside, I have been pretty busy and angry these past two days - at plenty of people and plenty of reasons. Sigh. Things are not looking so pretty for me at the moment. I enjoyed my Islamic Knowledge & Civilization class a lot, and although it was only the first class, I find him (ze lecturer) very interesting. And you gotta dig the smooth command of speech, so Brit, so nais. Heh.

So what else what else?

Oh yeah. I find it hillarious when people change partners so quickly and then go all "You're the air that I breathe/ My life/ The one" on all their partners over and over. Don't they get tired of saying the same things? Doesn't it feel weird because you're saying the same thing to a different person after your previous thing is so high-profile and all over the place? Entah la, it's funny. It's like one of those celebrity relationships I like to bet on with my sisters - "Bet it'll take them 1 month to break up" and then, they do.

I geddit that things tend to happen like that sometimes but some people change boyfriends like panties haha. I suppose some (eh, many? most?) romances are short-lived. Well, that tickles my funny bone.


Oh and lastly,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIRAWRR !

We loves you misses you-ou-ou. Happy tweentieth sugar!

Bad day.

I believe the title is self-explanatory.


So stay out of my way because I might lose my temper again. Sigh.

Defeated!

You know when I said I wanted to get all the Disney animated movies and listed them down right here? I wasn't kidding. I already bought Atlantis: The Lost Empire last week and a new addition, TODAY, had I took the dvd and paid first. ARGH.

So the story's like this:

I was at Video Ezy in KLCC browsing (& searching!) for The Lion King and Beauty & The Beast II: The Enchanted Christmas and Aladdin when I stumbled upon The Lion King dvd! Boy o boy was I ecstatic but but but it was eighty bucks and I only had twenty in my purse so I put it back down and thought of calling my Mum for money (she was shopping elsewhere) OR withdraw money of my own when, at that moment, a girl casually walks up the aisle, looked through, picked up THAT DVD as well as The Lion King II, and I, I even helped her find The Lion King II! During which, I stated something about watching Disney cartoons and she said that she too is currently collecting all movies and then...at the same time, I asked the salesgirl if there are any other copy of The Lion King which she was holding and the salesgirl said no! WTF! The girl (who was buying the dvds) said "Sorrryyyyy" and then she went off to pay! GAHHHH I FEEL SO DEFEATED! IT WAS RIGHT THERE AND I JUST LET IT SLIP BOO HOO T_____T


I don't blame her, it was my own fault to put it back and not hold it with me. Haiya. Oh and the salesgirl also said that if I want a copy of Beauty & The Beast and Beauty & The Beast II: The Enchanted Christmas, I would have to wait FIVE MORE YEARS. Because apparently, they are not producing any copies at the moment. WTF AHHHH TAK ACINYAA T_____T

Dad said if I wanted it so much we could just get it on eBay. Haiya. Leceh pulak, nanti lagi mahal. And so it is the unfortunate event that happened to me today.

So so, if any of you know where I could get my hands on those dvd PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me. No, don't tell me go to Rock Corner lah apa lah, BE SPECIFIC. Which Rock Corner where, understand? I already went to 5 shops and they still haven't any. Even better, buy it for me! Of course I'll pay you back lah. Because it is soooo freaking hard to find 'em movies lah.

On a happier note, I have new glasses! Ha ha. The previous isn't even a year old but Mum wanted the frames as I don't use it that often so I gave the Dior frames to her and got myself a pair of Guess glasses. Everybody wins. Can't describe the frames fully because I do not know how to put it in words so you hafta see it for yourself then.

Sigh. I still wish I got that dvd fakkfakkfakk.


Alritey then I have to go now, pre-reg will start soon. Which reminds me, I still haven't packed for school :/ Oh and if anyone's at the zoo tomorrow from 10 onwards, wave and say hello!

Turn back time

I wish I could take back what I said. I meant it differently and I hope you understand. But that does not mean I want you to change because I think you are perfect just the way you are.


I'm sorry.

Henry & Clare ♥

After three long days of reading (amidst all the chores and sleeping and eating), I finally finished The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I have to the admit - THE NOVEL IS AWEESOMMEE OH MY GOD ! Definitely worth your time, a great read. ♥♥♥♥♥

It's a tad sad though that he had to die, how I secretly wish that they could all just live happily ever after but it is beautifully written nonetheless. However, I don't quite fancy the raunchy scene between Gomez and Clare (because it's Gomez! for god's sake) but oo well, suppose sometimes things do happen that way.

They're making a movie version of it, said to come out this August, featuring Rachel McAdams and Eric Bana as the main characters. I'm a bit skeptical though, because I feel that NO SCENE should be left out 'cause then there'll be a lot of gaps as it involves time-travelling and all. Oh well, I'll still catch it when it's out :)

But my o my, it is such a beautiful love story. It'e been a while since I read a good love story (and is not a chic-lit too!). I have to say that they're my second favourite couple - after Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet of course.

I'm so happy Atikah recommended this book and I bought it and I read it and enjoyed it very much. Seriously kids, you should ditch your pathetic copy of Twilight and read this one instead. Trust me ;)


Turrah.

Encore

I didn't do so well this semester, as expected. Wait, I did BAD. Like, really BAD. But luckily, my pointer did not drop drastically as I dreaded but still, it dropped 0.2 from the previous record. So yes, I have to work harder next semester and climb my way up again. Strive for DL. Heh.

I still haven't decided on my major just yet. Mum feels I should take up IT, Dad doesn't mind which just so I excel in whatever major I choose, same goes with Shafiq while Boya thinks I should just stick with the initial plan of taking CS. Ahh, decisions decisions (although secretly I think I'll fare better with IT, but who knows heh heh).

I still haven't unpacked and/or re-packed just yet. In case you didn't know, I had to take back all my stuff when I checked out last semester and because they only told me on the very last minute (at first they said the room is permanent till next semester) which leaves me with no choice but to pack them all up in paper bags as I did not have any proper bag with me. Screw the poor management for this, piece of fuck.

On a happier note, I finally bought Audrey Niffenegger's novel The Time Traveler's Wife and I am currently on page 143 and I have to say I am enjoying it very very much indeed.. I have Atikah to thank to for recommending this book. Sadly though, I couldn't get my hands on a copy of Sarah Dessen's new novel Along The Ride. Hopefully, it'll arrive to our shores soon and then I'll get my hands on them teeheehee.

Well, that'll be all this is Alyaa reporting live here and now. See ya.

Disney time

Excuse me for feeelings nostalgic but I suddenly feel like watching old Disney animated movies. So, to accomplish all that, I will slowwwlyyy buy each and every movie just so I can watch them again and have them in my collection hehehe.

So, here's a list of movies I would love to buy:

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Pinocchio
Bambi
Cinderella
Alice in Wonderland
Peter Pan
Lady and the Tramp
Sleeping Beauty
101 Dalmatians (Animated)
Sword in the Stone, The
Jungle Book, The
AristoCats, The
Robin Hood
Fox and the Hound, The
Basil - The Great Mouse Detective
Little Mermaid, The
Rescuers Down Under, The
Beauty and the Beast
Aladdin
Lion King, The
Toy Story
Goofy Movie, A
Pocahontas
Hunchback of Notre Dame, The
Hercules
Lion King II: Simbas Pride, The
Bugs Life, A
Mulan
Tarzan
Toy Story 2
Extremely Goofy Movie, An
Little Mermaid II, The: Return to the Sea
Dinosaur
Emperor's New Groove, The
Monsters, Inc
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Return to Never Land
Treasure Planet
Lilo & Stitch
Atlantis: Milo's Return
Finding Nemo
Brother Bear
Jungle Book 2, The
Incredibles, The
Bambi II
Cars
Ratatouille
Meet the Robinsons
Wall E
Bolt
Up

Siapa baik hati boleh derma hehehe sekian terima kasih. Okay, I'm off to watch a chinese movie that I don't know the title that features Jackie Chan.

I lost my confidence along the way

Shafiq says my new (chinese) name is ACOI - Alyaa's Conflict Of Interest. Haaa boleh tak budak ni orang tengah serious emotional talk dia come up with this term pulak dah fufufu. Anyhoo, had another talk with mum and boyfriend and is still considering the pros and cons.

The question is, what do I want?

I don't want to do CS just to prove a point because people think that IT is the easiest - well ramai je I know you thought about it even if you don't say it foo! - but why should I do it because of that? Sure the subjects sounded cool. And then there's IT.

I don't need to list down the reasons why, not here anyway. Haih.

I can do both, wherever I am placed. But will I be happy with my choice? Will I enjoy what I'm doing? Will it benefit me? Key questions key questions people.

And then there's the scholarship, if I can get one, that is. Get my pointers up first and then we'll think of that. I have a bad feeling, wait, I already know that my pointer is going to drop this semester because of my ICO paper so I am bracing myself for the worst yet.

It's 11.46pm and I am hungry. I fasted and only had three karipap for buka. Haaaa lapaqqq dah niiiii.

Tu pa tu pa tu tu pa tu tu pa tu tooooot

Awesome stuff check it out! Hahaha comel ja.

Between two majors

The new semester will start soon and it'll be my last before I start with my major but as of right now, I am torn between the only two choices offered. First, there's Computer Science, where they primarily emphasize on programming languages, coding and what not. Basically, it's hardcore programming, or something like that.

Then there's Information Technology. It's been said to be one of the easiest subjects, possibly because there's plenty of reading subjects (i.e. Database Systems II, E-Commerce). Basically it covers topics on database, database management, operating systems and so forth. Sounds easier, quite likely and more general compared to CS. Mother said that databases are the uhm.. in thing (I don't know what the other word for it), that the expertise is in demand now, and the likes. Plus, I heard it's easier to climb up the organization ladder if you're a DBA (or something equivalent), because you work with people more than you work with the computer; trying to squeeze your brains out fixing bugs and coming up with new programs and such.

Subjects like Web Programming and Computer Architecture and Assembly Language sounds fun although the latter seems to be a wee bit scary (assembly language ahhh T__T) while Database Systems II and Management Information Systems sounds dry. Huhuhu banyak songeh kan.

Quite a puzzle really, although I know that some of you folks would go "Alaaa, IT senang je", just because you're taking engineering or law or medicine even, personally I think it's pathetic. Fine, it is easier, no doubt, than your genetic engineering subject or those bio-molecular whatever you have to study but please, you don't have to belittle us just to boost your ego. I realize that the job scope is not all that fabulous as opposed to your future 'Engineer' or 'Doctor' title but to hell with you lah. So you're good and all that so just be happy and don't patronize others lah, okay? Ala tok sah deny I know you've said it before.

So what's the verdict? At the moment, I am not too sure. I plan on doing CS lah, but...entah lah. Do I really want to do programming je? Or do I want to read and read and learn about how to manage things? I mean, really? Sigh. Maybe I should just do both je la hahaha but then leceh la buat double major nanti I'll be stuck in UIA longer than any of my coursemates aih tu yang tak best although it sounds mighty awesome jugak lah kan. Lagi lagi kalau dapat Honours haaa so nais.

Haih all this worrying kang tibe tibe tak dapat amik CS sebab results ICO teruk, which I am expecting, in a way (bad as in not even A-/B+ lah) since my carry marks are really poor and I doubt that the finals could save me (ps. I must score at least a B in four chosen subjects to get into CS, in which two I have scored an A-, one I have yet to find out and another I will take this coming semester). Haaa stress. I've got to work hard on my counting skills or I will suffer studying Calculus all over again. Boo.

I'd like to keep my options open, although there's only two to choose from, but still. I still have around three months to think it through and hopefully by then, everything will fall into place.

Insensitivity

My weighing scale killed me, saying that I am now five and seven. My legs are burning after running 2.2 miles on the treadmill and you just cut me off when I am feeling victorious. Just because you are with your buddies. Not cool, definitely not cool. You just burst my bubble Mister.


I will keep my victorious moments to myself from now (until further notice).

Gravity

These are the days when I miss you most.

Complexity

That's baby boy looking so handsome dekat longkang kering, sleeping on my leg onmonmon and sleeping on Mum's bed dengan kaki kangkang dia tu. He sleeps like that and he doesn't mind if we stroke his belly. Ahhh rindunya! Gerrraaaammmmmmm ~

Oh, & I want. Along with those navy blue/black skinnes over at Topshop.

Sigh. So many things I want I can't have :(

Not exactly the road I wanted

I have been playing a lot this short semester. Perhaps it was because I had all the time in the world I spent it by going out and playing computer games instead of studying. Perhaps it was because I have turned into a lazy bum. Whatever it is, it is no excuse. I feel as if...wait, I know I have not been doing well this semester and now I'm scared. I'm scared that my carry marks won't be able to help me get an A-, let alone an A.

If I don't perform, I can say bye bye to my good pointer. Not only that, if I don't get a B (at least!) for Introduction To Computer Programming then I am doomed because I will have no choice but to take BIT, instead of BCS. I want to keep my options open. I don't want it to be decided for me.


Stress!



I'm gonna go squeeze my brain now bye.

Ineedajobfullstop

This month my spendings went a little haywire and I ended up asking for cash from my Mum resulting in a fit by my Dad and a lot of guilt in me.

Thus, I solemnly (& sadly!) take oath (betulke ayat ni?) that I shall eat less, exercise and avoid from buying any more shoes that will hurt my feet or anything else for that matter.

I should get a job :/

Bled for 8523764761 days and is still alive. Ha!

While talking to Al the other night, I just realized that I've had my periods for 7 years now, and counting! Mak datok. Tak sangka dah lamanya. Tua nya dah. Baru rasa macam tiga empat tahun je. Ish ish ish.

How time flies.

Because this is about you

Trying to make things right does not make you any less of a man. If only people knew and try not to make a joke out of the simplest things, more people would have acted wisely - the right way. But people don't do that, and you would be the stupid(est) one if you stop doing so just to prove a point.


Kan?

Hey,

I will be off to Andaman again. No, not the one in Phuket, mind you, the usual in Langkawi instead. I hope to hear nothing but good news, well, at least none that would kill my mood ;) Keep me posted, yeah? See you next week, love.


I'll miss you.

Just because.

It may not matter to you but it does to me, so excuse me for being childish.

Thinking about

Okay. Now dah tersuka Nokia E75 sebab dia ada normal keypad and qwerty keyboard ahhh total love. So I can have both muhahaha tamak. But yes. Mmg. Teruk. But so expensive lah I die cannot afford have to starve dua bulan mcm ni.

Then there's Sony Ericsson, the favourite brand. Boleh beli C902, boleh tahan la harga dia, I think lah. Camera pun 5 Megapixels, as opposed to E75's 3.2 je. I'm not a big fan of Nokia tapi E75 is sexy. Well, one of the sexy phones anyway. I like qwerty phones but but...so leceh la to text but this model has both! Like what I said to Muki, best of both worlds okay dah quote Hannah Montana dah T__________T

Kalau nak E75 memang takkan dapat habis koyak rabak poket mak bapak semua and mungkin nanti complain sebab bukan Sony lah sound tak best la camera kurang lah. Or....I should see Muki and test dengan dia punya dulu. Tapi tu pun takkan dapat jugak. Sebab mahal la. Muki cakap it's 1700? T__________T

Will have to resort with the Sony which is sexy too, I call it James Bond phone sebab advert dia pakai James Bond hahah senang ingat sikit. C905 too bulky. Last resort is Shafiq's current phone tapi it's slim and knowing me and my slippery hands mesti jatuh punya haritu pegang pun boleh slip. Sorry Shafiq.

Haih nanti Mama will set the budget and kena la doa banyak banyak hope Abah bagi beli yang lagi elok. If ikutkan, boleh kot dapat Nokia tu tapi haa mati la dengan guilt nanti tak mau la payah payah.

Okay cc nak tutup dah byebye.

19.

So Monday was plenty of fun with plenty of smiles and plenty of laughs. I had a great time yesterday, from morning to midnight.


Thanks for everything, love.

Funeral blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

9 days later

"I don't care if the things you say sound corny or like cliches because cliches are usually true. And that's all that fucking matters right now."

(via I Wrote This For You)

Today is a happy day. The boy is back and I am on cloud nine. It's good to have you back, love. Can't wait for tomorrow night with the gang!

Reminisce

Chon will always miss you baby, just as much as we do. Ahh sian Chon. takde kawan untuk peluk cuium jilat semua. Haih. Sayang Nuui. Sayang sangat sangat. Forever.

Gloomy clouds

It was wearing me out and the horrible incident that happened took its toll on me. Last night was the worst I've had so far. The hard sobbing and shortness of breath, the aching tired wet eyes and the pain in the chest. I can only hold back so much for so long. I'm thankful and utterly grateful that you were there this time around. I guess I needed that.

I hope that baby boy is doing well at home, now that he lost a friend. I hope that everyone will recover in time, and hopefully I will too. I hope we can all talk about you without having tears in our eyes.

Today is a lonely day. I hope it'll get better.

A tribute to Nuui.

Dear everyone, I have grave news to share with you.

Our dearest beloved kitten Nuui, just passed away today at 8.15 pm just now :'( Daily, we would let the kittens out for their outdoor time until dusk but we left them for a bit later until my sister decided to find them. Amani found Nuui already wandering about on our neighbour's area (it's like a backyard, only dia mcm dekat atas nevermind long story to explain that) and she tried to call Nuui to come back as our neighbour has a rottweiler and its shed is very close by.

Nuui, ever so vulnerable and unaware, when about playing with a butterfly until she realized the presence of the dog. As Amani witnessed, Nuui hurriedly ran to the end of the yard but failed to find the hole that allowed her to go there in the first place. (Amani tried to call for the maid tapi dia tak dengar) She tried running for the hole in the middle of the yard, nearby the swings but unfortunately by then, the fucking dog went to her and that was where it bit her.

And that is how she died.

I am crying as I type this because I cannot help myself but feel guilty as I was the one who let both of them out, today, and because of our carelessness, we lost Nuui. We know that Nuui is very vulnerable as she's only a baby, and a late bloomer, compared to Chon. Tapi rasa nak bunuh anjing babi tu pun ada. Haritu dia baru je murdered a cat when he wandered at OUR yard, terlepas, they said.

I worry about Chon now. We showed him the carcass (body?) before we buried it and Chon smelled/sniffed her for a while before we took her away. Nuui is now safely buried at our front lawn, next to Snow's grave. I can't believe it happened so soon. I mean, she was just 7 months old! Kesian Chon takde kawan nak jilat jilat nak main main gomol gomol dah, they've been together since they were only mere babies. I takut Chon depressed nanti :(

I'm sorry Nuui. May God bless your beautiful soul, wherever you are. You will be missed by us all, and I'm sad to say, by Chon the most. I hope Chon will be able to cope without you.


We love you so much babyyyyyyyyy.

Goodbye teddy bear comel. Kaklong sayang awak sangat sangat :'(((((( Rest in peace your beautiful soul.