The weekend

I keep on forgetting things and I'm only 17. I'm home now, have been sitting in front of the pc of ra good two hours now, and it's FREE. Haha.

It takes forever to uplaod my pictures in fotopages. I'd rather photobucket than that, but then again, photobucket tak boleh, private lah haha poyo je.


So here's a few things I plan to do:

1. Buy my papers and more papers
2. Print out the pictures
3. Play piano like mad
4. Listen to songs like mad
5. Sleep like mad
6. Watch Heroes episode 5&6
7. Rearrange stuff
8. Study , I'd be lying if I say like mad.
9. Do IL notes -_-'
10. Do laundry
11. Put bedsheets (Faiqah tak buat! Chettt)
12. Count money
13. Call girlfriends and yak
14. Crash at Fatin's petang petang
15. Jumpe Mama, hug Mama.
16. Rollerblade?
17. Start a scrapbook
18. Cut things
19. Throw things out
20. Try doing all of these in two days.


Apa macam, ada boleh?





I'm good at stalking too fi, I just don't do it often.
I'm learning, ajarlah daku wahai sifu.





LMAO.






There's this hottie, no, not Russian.
This one's better looking, a 2ndyr :D
Gagaga. Sa-woon ~

Information Literacy

I'm in my IL class at the moment. The boys, Pc18, are really bugging me, so yes I played Freecell, you busybody you. I tried sending them the message but in vain, somehow the pc can't/won't send it through, ngok ngek. So I replied verbally to them, loud enough for them to hear, if they can. Heh. Boyans.

I feel good today, better. Had a good night sleep although my back hurts like mad when I woke up. Madam Aisyah is right, IL is a dull subject, a lot of reading involved and unfortunately, she's not doing such a good job in trying to make it interesting, or the least. I am so not focusing. Yeah, I know I know. Plus I don't even own the book yet, bila mau dapat pun tatau. Gah.

Bosan.

Bosan.

Bosan.






Fack. I forgot to bring my thumbdrive along and they're copying files and stuff like that. Adoyy. Mamaaaa! Nak beli pendrive baru please please. Note: Mine's apparently infected with Trojan Horse. Heh.

Woman Like A Man

You wanna get boned

You wanna get stoned

You wanna get a room like no one else

You wanna be rich

You wanna be kitsch

You wanna be the bastard of yourself

You wanna get burned

You wanna get turned

You wanna get fucked inside out

You wanna be ruled

You wanna be fooled

You wanna be a woman like a man like a woman like a man

------------

I'm at the cc again. Teruk kan. Masya Allah. Huhu. I am searching for my fim okay okay. Found one :) Am still searching for another two, if possible. Somehow the connection's a bit slow tonight but that's okay, Damien Rice is keeping me company haha. I loooooooove his husky voice. Sa-woon. I'm done with my fim :) Yesza! See, I work fast haha. I am fast, well, faster than you are boy. Ngeh ngeh.

Aum aum.

And so today was a bit overwhelming, especially at the end of it. Hoho. We had a talk about it, first serious talk. It was overwhelming. There were times when I wished he'd stop, it was killing me. Some things are just meant to be kept quiet but he chose otherwise.

Thanks for talking me through it although there were times when I felt like bursting out into tears, it was just overwhelming, too much. It was embarrassing, I didn't want to feel that way, I didn't like feeling that way, I've felt that so many times before it's enough. But still, you talked me through it, no matter how I tried to elude myself from talking. You were right, I was quite stunned to know all so sudden, I didn't expect it to be that I thought it was just random, not a close person to you. But in the end, I did feel slightly better, well I did. It was out. I did feel better. Although it pretty much terrified me and was darn agonizing, thanks. The good food helps as well, haha.

I love you.

Talk to me

Arab class was fun today. I had an impression that it might be dull and boring with Ustaz Toha, I was wrong. He was funny. Cute man, he's funny. He's the kind of teacher who wouldn't just come to class to teach just so we can pass the test, but also teach us, tell us about the wonders of the world, about Allah, about life and the good things (nikmat la). He gave us food for thought, those our inner selves feed on. He's funny alright, I wish he'd be our permanent ustaz, we have two at the moment. I think I might enjoy Arab for once, heh. Not that I don't like learning the language, it's just that the lecturers tend to be such a bore or too strict to make it a fun experience, you dig? Heh.

Danial texted me yesterday telling me about the time he had a crush on me. Heh. He's there already, in Nilai. Along with Asyraf. They'er doing alright I heard, that's good then, I'm happy for them really.

Zhaf was supposed to be the one to tell, I was too embarrassed. No, seriously. He asked me whether I'd be the one to tell and I said nooooo, it's just too embarrassing. What I didn't know, Zhaf didn't tell him, I had to. At Juta, he asked me what was it that I wanted/needed/should tell him. I didn't say anything. You know, it's just one of those things when you can't get the words out. He was curious, he wanted to know, of course he did, it's just intriguing, tempting, or in his words, it's concerning me. But I was too embarrassed I couldn't. Instead I wrote it on a paper, a paper I found in his pencil case and later put it back for him to read, when I'm not around. It's just stupid, it's a stupid thought.

Apakah erti ini, bisikan kata kata ragu

Bermain main di fikiran diri tiada henti

Lidah menjadi kelu terlalu malu untuk

Membicarakan perkara di hati.

Apakan daya hati telah merasai

Sesuatu yang tidak disangka, tidak diingini

Pergilah ia dan senyumlah semula

Diri ini tidak memikirkannya

Pabila menyedari kesalahan diri

Untuk meragui cinta ini

I'm at the cc, almost two hours now. I'm going home this weekend, Ma will be back on Sunday morning. Yesza! Haha. And I'll get my ass back here just in time for the play. Atikah woman, I'll be there! Member member tada hal lah! Hahahaa. Ah, thank god for Alil-Al, the best cc in Uia Pj yet hahaha. I managed to download four of Damien Rice's songs. One of em is the ever cool song 'Woman Like A Man'. Hurrah!

Sometimes jealousy and insecurity get the best of me.

---------------------

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth

Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt

Still a little hard to say what's going on

I was on Pie's page, browsing through his pictures when I saw it, I saw him. And then the song was played, coincidentally, 'Cannonball', with the intro already emotional. Fuck. It was a picture of them, the guys. Fir, Nadir, Pie, Wan and him. One of the things that sucks baaad is that we share the same friends, and it's hard, because they're close to him and for me to talk to them, heh, awkward.


Sigh, breathe, just breathe.

Still a little bit of your song in my ear

Still a little bit of your words I long to hear

You step a little closer TO ME

So close that I can't see what's going on

It was for the best. Let bygones be bygones, let the memories be kept away, locked inside someplace, thrown into the ocean. Let it go. Live the life you have now, the life you wish to lead. Gahh, emo songs. I should not feed on my emotions now, not now.


Breathe, just breathe. Inhale, exhale.


Everything will be alright. I know it will.







I haven't studied.
Bad. Bad. Bad Alyaa.

-

I don't know if I'm suppose to feel this way. Maybe I shouldn't, it isn't right. It's not that I doubt it, it's just that, knowing the fact that it was once that way, well, it kinda sucks, you see. Coincidence much? Perhaps. But my head thinks otherwise. Maybe I know the real deal, I just don't want to face it, maybe it's because I still can't accept the fact that it was that, that, that, THAT. Jealous much?

For heaven's sake Alyaa get it out of your head!

I want to forget about it but the thought keeps on lingering in my head, again and again and again. Sigh... It's annoying really, how I get paranoid and get worried about little things, things that I shouldn't even bother worrying about.

I need a new thumbdrive, the old one's infected with a virus I think, and the madam here just asked us if we've brought our thumbdrives or diskettes. Heh. Lupa kok, maaf ya. Apparently in Comp 2, we have to learn about Microsoft Access, all about creating, handling and stuff like that concerning your own database. The lecturer's kind of a bore, I dunno, the way she talks, how every word is dragged before another word comes out of her mouth, it's annoying I don't quite understand what she says half of the times, must be the pronounciation or the accent or somthing. Hola, do you speack Inggrish? Haha. Boyan. Sumpah bosan sangat, I'd rather read on my own. Belagak nya perangai.

Why do I keep thinking about it la? I hate feeling insecure, I've felt that so many times before and surely my dear friends it sucks so bad, feeling insecure about yourself or just about anything.

I can't concentrate anymore. Seriously, I don't understand a word she's saying. Like, huh? Omg, something smells, baaaaaaaaad! Gila.

Sigh. I felt like crying last night, was feeling slightly emotional. I wanted to just say it but then again, it's not even an issue. Or is it? Barneyy, tolonggg ! I gave her the same advice the other day, easier said than done eh. Sigh, I shouldn't think about it. I'll try, I'll try, I'll try.

&& my phone creaking like mad, LOUD. Haaaih -_-'

Doesn't feel right

Third post today, Alyaa hebat! Haha. No, haven't studied, my bad. I've got extra class tonight at 8.30pm and will do my laundry after that. I've got some Physics exercises to ponder upon, Fim articles and analysis to do and Comp2 to read. That is a lot. No Aroma for the night and tomorrow as well I think. Not until I finish my work. Gahh, Dean's List la sangat kan. Macam mana ni Alyaa oii.

Ukays' song is currently on the radio.

Seumur hidup aku ini yang pertama
Pintu hatiku diketuk oleh dua wanita
Punyai ciri selama ini ku cari
Berbeza wajah ayunya tetap asli

Kalau ku pilih di sini apa kata di sana
Kalau ku pilih di sana di sini akan terluka
Perlukah aku pilih keduanya
Bahagi kasih seadil adilnya

Sungguh ku merasa resah
Untuk menilai sesuatu yang indah
Namunku ada pepatah yang duga

Di sana hanyalah menanti
Sampai bila pun ku tak pasti
Bertanya khabar melalui tinta
Jarang sekali bertemu muka
Namun ku tahu dia setia
Dan di sini tetap menunggu
Berada jelas di mataku
Kasih tak luak terhadap aku
Sanggup menunggu kata putusku
Sayang ketabahanmu menawanku

Ku terima satu nota ringkas tulisannya
Dia sedia undur diri dan memaafkanku
Katanya anggap ini satu mimpi
Yang datang sekadar untuk menguji

The song's great alright. I actually typed that as I sang along to it. Haha. It's called Di Sana Menanti Di Sini Menunggu, that I just googled on the internet haha. One of my all time favourite malay songs.

I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't even know why I'm feeling this way. I don't know how to describe it, even if I could my blog's too public for me to express it haha. Thing is, I don't even know how. Entah lah. Pelik sungguh perasaan ini, mengapakah? Am meeting up with Barneyy soon, we're going to the pasar malam wee wee. Maybe I'll talk to her about it. It's not something I want to tell to just anyone. It's just a feeling anyway. It'll go away. And I'll feel better, I'll be okay. I'll always be okay somehow, I have to be, now don't I?

Friggs, my phone's acting real funny. Crazy really, it annoys me every time I flip or unflip in. Stupid. It made that creaking sound. Gahh, must be from all those falls, okay, a number la. But still, damn annoying la weyh. Maybe I should put some baby oil so that it'll stop creaking. Macam bukak pintu yang usang. Bongok. That is one of the reasons why I never want to use a clamshell cell, bak kata Pn. Mahmudah, masale masale. Sigh.

Omg I think I just farted! Ho ho tutup hidung! Malunyaa, ter ter terkentut hahaha. Okay, I'm off now. Selamat petang dan selamat malam.

Tidak pasti

Second post today. I do have a lot of time to kill. Okay, maybe later am gonna head to the room and study a little bit, yeah yeah. Read on Microsoft Access and do some Physics exercise. Bumped into Farah and Wawa on the way back from lunch. They both got 3.9 and 3.6 respectively. Gila bapak terer okay. Both Engineering students, Farah has always been great in her schoolwork, ever since highschool, I know. Gaga.

Boleh ke dapat lebih 3.6 ni? Takut la pulak. Tapi tgk, boleh pulak online dak ye.

Say it right

Aliaa Nabila sent a message to Alya Fathi saying that Nilai pretty much sucks, or something like that. They've gone to Nilai now, the classmates. We had a small gathering yesterday evening. Met up with the group at Aroma after class. Stayed around for just a short while, I was a lil sad to see them go, and knowing the fact that I didn't pass the damn test. Boo hoo. While I was there I keep on saying 'byebye' to them, especially Asyraf and Danial. Note: they're going to Nilai to study Law. So I did, I mean, I am sad, for both reasons. I mean, it's not like I'll be seeing them anytime soon, god knows when we'll meet again. Fatin was sure we'll see each other around sometimes. Yeah yeah, sure we'll probably meet in Gombak but whenever that will be, it'll be coincidentally, I mean, we're good friends, not close friends. Even I haven't seen Wafa for a good one month now, and he is one of my besties. God I miss that lackshit. Cepat pulang kite semua keluar jom! So yeah, say it right, make your goodbyes worthwhile.

When you're somewhere new, the old will be forgotten, although not entirely. You will be busy with your life, new personal matters, studies and your new friends. Yes you will keep contact, but you can only do so much. Sometimes, it's just not meant to be.

So now I'll be stuck with second year students, in four of my classes and in two of them, I'm the only first year. No offence, but I just don't feel comfortable being around them, the already cold air is even colder. Nadiah, we didn't have our goodbyes, you botch you. Who am I gonna bother or talk to in Comp2 and IL? Gag.

Well...

Asyraf, Danial, Nadiah, Aliaa & Alya, all the best to all of you. Be good and jangan lupa ddiri tu. Kalau tak kite pegi Nilai pukul sorang sorang hahahaha. Am gonna miss having you around people.



Afi ngan Nadz dua dua pun berbeza di tempat masing masing. Dua dua dah jadi senyap, menyepikan diri sedikit demi sedikit. Huhu, pasti mereka merindui satu sama lain. Tidak mengapa cintas, kami pun ada bersamamu! Hehe.


Faiqah turned 15 today. I wished her at midnight and she was speechless that I did and even more by what I said. I did the mwah thing and said that I love her. Okay, so I don't really show my sisters how much I love and care for them, well, not in the best of ways, but of course I do. When I get my scholar I'll get her something nice.

Happy Birthday Faiqah <3>

Lunchtime, cheerio.

One week, seven days

This is my third attempt to blog, I hope there'll be no more holdups. There's A LOT to blog about, literally. And so the story goes...

On school, I didn't make it into law school. Apparently, I am not qualified to study law, well I did fail the qualifying test and I'm pretty sure I messed it up badly. Which sucks bad really, as being rejected and facing rejection itself is no fun thing to do. Sigh. Results were out last Friday and as soon as I read the list, I cried of course. Who wouldn't? When you know that you failed to, again, in achieving one of the many things you've ever wanted. Of course it sucks. It sucked bad. Really bad. Only five were selected, four boys and a girl. Two of my classmates made it, lucky them. I cried even more when Ma called me on my cell, she didn't have to say it or express it, but I already felt like a total loser, a big disappointed to my own self and my parents. Although Abah doesn't exactly want me to take up law, apparently he doesn't fancy law students as most are stuck up people who thinks they're too good for mere people like us, I was sure he wanted me to at least achieve my own goals in life. Plus, I'm sure I won't be one of them, sure people do label me a snob sometimes but that's even when I'm not a law student, it's just that I've seen the type, those who think they are superior than the rest and look down upon others (i.e exempted law students look down on those who're in level 4 in English, like, hell yeah). I don't have them for all of that. I've always wanted to study law, but I don't think I'm gonna try my luck and take the test again next semester, I'd rather finish with Ict and see where it goes. It's not like I'm gonna suck with Ict. So far, my starting point is okay and yes I do have a lot to cover, Maths and Physics especially (since I'm really fond of counting) but I can make it. I can do anything, I can do anything. Anything I set my mind to. Keep telling myself that and maybe it'll come true, but of course if I myself make it happen, and I will, for I am not the kind to wait for things to happen, I will make things happen. I don't like to wait. Nope. I just need to believe that I can, I will. Law would have to wait for a while, I'll get back to you someday somehow :) Chin up.

They were really supportive, even the folks, and I love those shiznits for that. Lovely people, I love you so. He was too <3 Abg Epui said I'm better off not studying law. Heh, chin up Alyaa, chin up. And so later that night, had dinner with Zhaf and his friend Alif and Nisa. Thought of shooting some hoops, I had the sudden urge to play basketball haha, so the four of us headed to the court only to find it's already occupied, some girls who can really play were practicing for their game (this I found out from some engine girl, Linda, if I'm not mistaken). Oh yeah, when Linda approached me, she asked if I'm from Nilai which was replied with a No and she looked a lil' suprised when I told her I study here in Pj and is currently taking Ict. She thought I was one of the Arts kids, as I have the face and 'mcm happening je'. Haha. I supposed she guessed that since I walked with Nisa, Zhaf and Alif. People here don't really do that, walking with the other sex. Most of my friends are those Arts people so yeah, they are not familiar to me. Haha.

That same night, they came to Pj. Who? Those kids, Nilai kids. Haha. Yes yes. Omg was I glad to see them, familiar faces! Atikah, Redha, Maryam, Mya, Dina Yang, Iliya and the rest. Also made some other friends, hello hello Dan Bob. Haha. Stayed around at Amf with them lot till the wee hours and headed to sleep after 3am, heh, not like I have anything else to do. But it was good seeing them again lah, even if it was only for a while. Bring back Pj to life! This place is dying day by day. Empty hallways, silence in every corner, no more sound of people hurrying to class or laughter, nope nope. Now it's dirty bitchy looks and preppy boys, boringggg. Boring. Even the eye candy is only eye candy and nothing more, that Russian, that is. Boring.

I slept in the next day, woke up after 11am, around that time. I was looking forward to having a decent weekend since I didn't go out once during the holidays, so yes, I was looking forward to it. Made plans with the gang, excluding Wafa and Shafiq as they had other priorities to attend to, the four of us went to Sunway. Sunway's bigger now, with more space and (yes!) more shops! Hehe, I wanted to shop there and then. Sadly for me, I didn't have any money left except for a fifty and I had to borrow another fifty from Zhaf since I finished up mine on stuff (which I will write about later on). We had Subway for lunch, yummy. I bought a meal, the usual and then the unexpected came, Nadz, being a Subway virgin, felt like eating more and so did I, so we decided to share and buy another sub. It was heavens, I love Subway thank you very much. Zhaf and Afi just sat there as we gobbled our second meal haha, like father like daughter they say ey? Now that only costs a lot. Haha. I didn't care, I was, still in recovery hahaha. We met up with Nadz yoyo friends after that, when I lost Zhaf ciggies mysteriously as none of us knew or realized had it fall out of my bag. Nadz had to leave early, he had to go to his gramps' place and stuff like that, so Zhaf and I stayed behind. We were a bit emo about some stuff, me losing Zhaf's ciggies and cause Shafiq coouldn't join us and not having money, Zhaf because I lost his cigs and gos knows what so, we decided to go ice skating. Release the tension bebeh. Mihaha :) The joy! I've always wanted to ice skate, ever since I was a kid, but never had the chance to as Ma doesn't fancy coming to Sunway. Never thought I'd have my ice skating experience with Zhaf either, always pictured it with Soffie, used to. It was great. I fell three times, the first I fell on my own which was funny really, didn't mind a bit. But the second time, some kid fell and my skates hit his which then made me fall down, and pissed. Damn kid. The third time was even worse, the worst of the lot. I was skating when I saw this Chinese boys balancing himself, almost falling maybe, so I went sideways, not wanting to bump into him of course, but the arsehole cleverly moved to the same side as I did and came the crash, with me falling on the ice on my butt, HARD. It was painful, yo. I couldn't move for a while but got back up and skated even more. Oh yea, fyi, I, well, we skated for FIVE GOOD HOURS. It was good. The fifth hour was tiring though, my legs hurt like mad but I still pushed myself. Note: It was my first time ice skating and thank god for my previous experience with rollerblades and actually rollerblading when I was younger, I managed to skate pretty decently. I just didn't know how to stop until after two hours of trying hahaha. Kesian Zhaf, dia nak stop tapi kena paksa jugak haha. Good times, good times. I wish to that again my dear mates. Let's! But we'll make it less than five hours this time, my feet can't bear the pain. It still hurts till now.

Oh, did I mention that I left my jubah in Nadz's car? I did. Later that night, we stopped by at Shafiq's house for a while which was a good thing, as had we not stop, we wouldn't have gotten the invite to go to Sepang the next day HAHAHA. Jahatnya Alyaa! But really,. it was the right thing to do. Haha, not that we went there just to get invited, it was random really, didn't actually thought that Nadz wanted to go. Shafiq did ask me earlier but I said declined since I didn't have any transport. Haha so yes, we were happy, really happy. So it was set, Sunday, 7.30am at Shafiq's, me, Afi and Nadz. Slept over at Nadz for the night. Didn't sleep that well though, my body were aching all over. Woke up early and we arrived there right on time. I was a bit moody though, in the morning, considering the fact that my body were aching all over especially my back, not getting enough sleep, having to wake up so early and rush rush rush, got teased at, got a pillow thrown at me (which hit hard actually, Nadz la baling jahat!) and a few other reasons, so yeah I was feeling pretty bitchy, but of course, I am okay. I'm fine. The lies we tell. I got better in the car, singing to rock songs and Incubus of course. Haha.

We arrived at 11am, walked around and played some games. It was good at first, really. We had good food and a good time. I bumped into Cikgu Zaidi, - he was the discipline teacher in my school when I was still a freshman - Im and Bidin. The two actually work there, what a coincidence eh. Lalala ~ We took a lot of pictures, of everything - the two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight of us. Haha. Took a lot of pictures alright. It was fun :) It was, well, until Shafiq lost his wallet. More like, STOLEN! Bak kata Afi, DAMN SIEN! If I could I find the thief I'd bash that little bastard and throw him in the river, you puny bastard. Shafiq was upset, we all were. We were sorry for him, sigh. Could things get any worse? It did. Nadz's car wouldn't start. I wasn't really upset about it, but then my roomie thought I was making a joke when I told her about the unfortunate events that happend, that just made me pissed. Bloody pissed. It was only after that, after about 30 minutes of waiting, did the car start and we were on our way home, the three of us, Afi, Nadz and me. Shafiq went back with his siblings of course. Oh and Nadz took a picture of the three of us - Pica, me & Shafiq - went we were walking to the gate after searching for his wallet, in vain oh in vain. Curses to the stupid thief.

Went to Afi's and left the house after eight. Had dinner with Afi and Azim at Aroma till 9.30. I was blogging halfway, well, maybe just a little, when Zhaf came and we went to Juta, where I updated him on everything that happened. Wanted to blog again this afternoon, but had some other obligations. Sigh. Will be seeing Shafiq tonight I suppose. He's upset that he couldn't get me anything. He need not fret, for it does not matter.

And so we turn one month today :) But it feels like a long time already, and it has been good.

Happy one month to us bby <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Xoxo

Wowz! I actually managed to blog. Bangga! 411: I don't have money, tinggal rm20 sahaja ba. Sedih bangat. Ma's looking into it, she said to check tomorrow. Fyi, she's in UK. It's either she banked in into the wrong account or stupid Bank Muamalat is having some difficulties with thier database or something. Stupid. I'm broke and I desperately need money to buy food and books! Nak study lah yang oii. Gagaga.

Now that all have been said, cheerio darlings.

Look out for the look!

I want and need a laptop of my own. Mama, beli lah satu please? I promise I'll be good, haha. I'm stuck with second year students, for three of my classes. Aack. Tak minat, tak minat. Seems like not only boys are annoying here, girls as well. If boys like to do that woo woo sound plus the ratty sound as well, girls here, they like to give you the looks. Like shit. It happens all the time to everyone, but thing is, they do it to people and when they are caught in the same situation they give you the look as well. Wtf lar?

Situation #1: Girl with boy, or girl girl & boy, or boy boy & girl or whatever that involves both gender being together at a particular time, and often, either one is the minority. Then came a human being passing you by as you yak with your pals and they give you the 'look', a long one in fact.

Situation #2: You are walking alone, heading someplace somewhere when suddenly as you walk along the corridor, you pass by a class with only three people, girl girl & boy. Of course, that is nothing new to you and you just glanced for while before looking away, and still!, the bloody girl give you the 'look'. Like wtf? You're the one in that situation so what's with the look? No, I'm not gonna report you to rmdd, like I have nothing to do, I don't give two fucks about it foo. I'd rather catch a chicken or play traffic if I have to.

So yeah, girls here are annoying too. Attitude problem much? It doesn't just happen when it's a girl boy situation. Sometimes, even when you're with your girlfriends laughing and having fun, they'll give you the look again. Sure sure, if all of the sudden you burst out laughing madly, sure, that's to be expected, people looking weirdly at you. Buy even when you're just eating and having a good time and chatting, they give you the fucking look as well. What the fuck is your problem betina? Didn't you momma teach you anything? Common courtesy, to say the least? Did you not know that it's rude to stare? Fools. Seriously, I'm tired of this stupid thing lah. Salah timing nanti mau kau kene sound. Then you'll get a taste of how bitchy I can be, don't make me turn on my bitch mode. Hah! Stupid fools. Mind your own business lah, kalau tau tak suka orang buat kat kamu, janganla buat kat orang.

And there was a time when I was waiting for someone, there were this girl and boy, talking, keeping their distance and occasionally the girl would glance at me, probably worried of what I'd think or that, I might give her the look. Haha, honestly girl, go ahead do whatever you one I don't effin care. No no, I'm not angry at the moment, just annoyed. Fortunately for them, my patience level is not that low, or haha lo and behold, Alyaa Singa dah datang. Tanya Kaka, dengan dia dulu pun I cam siput je. Haha.

New words new words. Results aren't out yet, oh god the anticipation is agonizing! Gagaga. Pray for me god help me. For when I get the results I will surely blog about it haha.

Okay, one of the boys just gave me a message through the pc, I don't know how they do it but it's cool and annoying hahaha. Boyan boyan. I'd like to learn that. Ah, definitely won't ask them. Class is canceled. Fyi, I'm in the comp lab at the moment. Not that I have anything to do really. Am thinking of going out today but I don't have enough money. Haha, kang keluar pokai terus takde duit makan. Ma still haven't banked in the money just yet and she's leaving of London this Sunday. I've asked her to buy me a couple of things, clothes basically. Yes I want clothes, more more clothes mihaha.

I've got plenty of time to kill. Maybe I'll get breakfast after this, eh wait, brunch. Okay, I'm so gonna leave now, am the only girl left. Bahaya! Haha.

Cheerio loves.

Spellbound

I have no more classes today. I'm in the library now, can't really use the comp at the cc, I'm almost out of dough baby. Yeah, been spending a lot on topup this week, five times already. Melampau! And Ma haven't banked in the money yet, I think she just got her salary today too. Maybe I should apply for that Ptptn thing, who knows, maybe it'll help? We won't be getting our scholar till next month, I think.


I think you've put a spell on me.


I suppose I don't really have anything to blog about really. The results won't be out till tomorrow, or Saturday, goddd. I so want to pass but then, leaving this place, godddddd! I wanna have both, can ah? Sometimes you just gotta take risks eh. Life's like that. Heh. I'm already on puzzle 131 in my Sudoku book, some with Shafiq's help, or dia yang buat la. Okay, someone just came in and now something smells funny. Ugh tutup hidung!

Had a bad dream this morning, about Abah going bonkers and throwing Snow out the window resulting in me shouting at him not to and then he went on and hit me like mad, and then at the girls and then at everyone. Then Ma came back and he went for her too. Scary! Woke up and found myself almost to tears, thank god it was only a dream, and late for class. Hah. Didn't even had time to shower so I quickly put on the magical robe (jubah je kot) and went to class. Of course, that is after I brushed my teeth, washed my face and sprayed some perfume on me. After class, had a date with the shower and voila, I'm alive! Hahaha.

I forgot Aleea's, Niksu's and Ikha's birthdays. Okay, Aleea's and Ikha's I totally forgot, but Niksu's, I never knew. Am so sorry girls, happy belated birthday to you my darlings!

Sigh. I'm bored as fack. No typo error there. Nervous nervous nervous.

Erin. Haziq. Fatin. Megat. Farahin. Ikha. Hakeem. Coin. Min. Fafawafa. Nadz. Hana. Niksu. Aleea. Alyaa. Ema. Nina. Meuy. Iekha. Caki. Ijoy. Syira. Anish. Hani. Mira. Kak Chom. Nik. Qurratul. Tuty. Wani. Atiq. Kaka. Daniel. Nisa. Muhib. Farah Ida. Fariza. Othman. Pica. Rasya. Shah. Shikin. Aniq. Ayn.

I miss you guys.

I am always emotional, bad bad bad. I think Imma go and lie down and fold my clean clothes and play Sudoku till I fall asleep. There's nothing to study really, I haven't bought any books yet, just in case, just in case.








I love you for who you are, were and want to be
And I know we can make it - in my heart I see
So I'll stay here and wait for your touch,
The touch of the one whom I love so much.

Happy;

I'm happy right now. Yes, I can feel myself smiling, inside and out. :) I'm happy, yes, happy. I keep on singing Damien Rice's Cannonball and some other love songs, again and again and again.

I'm having mixed feelings about things. But this, this is sure, this is real, this is true. This is something I want to keep.

Heh, now terasa emo la pulak. It's bittersweet really, I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm grateful for everything.

I need money haha.

Emotional moments, emotional stuff. Hmm. Life's sure is interesting, challenging. But I know, we're gonna be just fine. Kan?

Jika ku pergi,
jangan lupakan ku
ku tidak akan melupakanmu
Jika ku pergi,
ianya sebagai cabaran
tabahkan hatimu
aku kan sentiasa disisimu
Jika ku pergi,
janganlah kau mencari ganti
ingatilah aku yang masih mencintaimu
Jika ku pergi,
nantikanlah kepulanganku
kitakan bertemu lagi
aku pasti kan kembali.

I'm already missing you. Sigh.

Random.

I am seriously bored. Second post today! Hahaha.

Nadiah and I are the only first year students in our IL (Info. Literacy something) class. Greaaaat. I just read Atikah's blog. Alright, Nilai is that bad eh. Takut!


Takut!



Takut!



Takut!



Takut!



Takut!











Gagh. Emosi emosi emosi lah.


Oh yeah, Shafiq's wearing oreo-ish clothes today, yup yup, black and white YAW. Haha, scores! Got this from Aleea's blog, got tagged heh. She tagged anyone actually, tapi saje buat la, bosan.

25 Random Things About Me:

25. I have sinus rhinitis.
- a lot of grunts and pig like sounds eh hahaha.

24. I am OREO.
- black and white are my default colours.

23. I am slow, like, very SLOW. Or LAMPI :)
- they call me lampi, it's lambat pickup NOT lumpy.

22. I make up my own words.
- by 2020, I'd have my own dictionary, go get a copy!

21. I like to sing :P
- I think we've establish that a long time ago.

20. I never shave my legs, MY LEGS.
- Aleea don't hate me for that. I shave my armpits lorh.

19. I wear white musk.
- ehem ehem, wangi!

18. I am emotionally dysfucntional, PERIOD.
- such a drama queen.

17. I want a satin lingerie, the slip dress type.
- I want it baaaaadly.

16. I get paranoid easily.
- which is real bad.

15. I don't quite like sweet stuff.
- Shafiq takpe x) (Dia ckp dia terasa sbb dia sweet. Cue: "Is that right?")

14. When I'm really bored, I dance in the middle of the road.
- like a robot!

13. I always walk in the middle of the road.
- tak takut kene langgar! HAHAHA.

12. I have scales now, I'm a reptile aum aum.
- not literally, but sure feels like it. Sebab kene air panas lah ngok ngek. Nanti okay la.

11. I wear my white pointed heels even though it hurts.
- because it's white tudung day.

10. I like wearing bras, not like some people hehe :P
- Shafiq ckp taknak bagi sag HAHAHAHAHA!

9. I have one polkadot knickers and I like it.
- its white with pink polkadots.

8. I always wear my jade bracelet.
- except when I'm in the room.

7. I don't have a watch that matches my clothes.
- only have one sporty type, an old one which does not match at all.

6. I don't mind scratching my butt in public.
- I'm gross, do not befriend me.

5. I have a boyan for a boyfriend and I love him to pieces.
- nama dia Shafiq/Capik/Cleo/Roberto Ayala/Sir Ulrich Von Lichinstein/Benardo Guardi/Boyaaaan. Byk bonar dey!

4. I've got balls.
- invisible ones haha. Figuratively speaking.

3. I make faces when I read new messages on my phone.
- tah Shafiq cakap, ade ade je dia tuh ;p yela yela.

2. Once, I told the whole boys (Abc) block to shut up. I said "Dah mandul tu bising pulak!"
- and they went quiet for 5 seconds before yelling like mad cows. Mad cows I tell you!

1. I have a new basic phone.
- that looks expensive, like it has bluetooth and those jiggaboo but truth is, it has NONE. only radio. HAHA.

That's it I supposed. Heh. Random much?

I tag:
# Fiz
# Syuk
# Niksu
# Atikah

Kepada yang kene tag: BUATLAH! Mihahahaha.




Cheerio darlings. I'm hungry. So hungry. Oh so hungry.

Are you worthy enough?

It's dull here. Welcome to ghost town. Seems like Nilai's not the only place of misery. Haha. Okay, so it's not THAT bad. I heard girls must be in their mahallahs by 10pm. LIKE WTF? 10pm? Godddddd, can die la weih. But still, it's like a ghost town, here is. It is, it is. Quiet, empty, eerie. Or is it just me?

Hmm.


The other night, we left Aroma around eleven and already the place is (yup you guessed it) EMPTY. So now we know that Arts students + us are the ones who usually hang out till late. Heh. Okay, so yes we hang out till late, but as long as we score, all is forgiven eh. I think that stupid 10pm rule would work better here now that there are only Science students left. The boys are having a good time there, they can smoke ya ya ya wtv, but the girls I heard, oh lord I can only imagine what they're feeling.



Hah.





I did the qualifiying test today. 411: I was qualifiyed for the test, to change programmes and study LAW yeah that one. So yeah. You know what, it sucked. Bad. Real bad. I expected to do at least decent but this, it's bad alright. No I'm not being hard on myself. Clearly, two hours is not enough. No no no.


Am I worthy enough to study LAW? What a question. Seriously, I am disappointed. Very, deeply, disappointed.

I miss Nadz and FafaWafa and Kaka and Nisa and Bapak. I miss the massive crowd flooding Aroma and Juta and the hallways when it's peak time. I miss the sound of people walking talking mingling laughing and actually living here.

All kampung boys can go die la weih. Kalau korang nak ngorat pompuan, tolong la jadi gentleman sket, mak bapak kau orang tak ajar ke ha? Kang cakap kampong marah. Bukan kau datang dari kampung tapi perangai kau tuh, you uncivilized bastards. Dah mandul tu bising pulak!

But seriously boys, please, learn a thing or two or you'd never know how to woo a girl, or even win one. Abg Chey! Ajar dorang. Haha. Random random random.








I'm hungry. And emotionally drained.

Crappy much?

I am a wreck. Well, I feel like one. No, it's not about the previous post. Ape ape la. I don't wanna talk about that, it's unimportant.

I feel really crappy right now, really really crappy. Like only crying or screaming hysterically would make me less crappy, or so I think. So I'm here now, in Uia. It was really quiet when I got here yesterday. I was kinda lonely really, sleeping alone and playing Sudoku till late, ALONE. They're here now, my friends. But still, it's not the same. The Arts students are in Nilai now and it feels so empty, even though (I think) most of the students are already back, it feels odd, quiet, empty. Maybe it's just me. Maybe. Maybe that's just the reason that made me text all my other friends there this morning after I woke up, saying how I miss them and not to forget us who are still here. God knows when we'll meet again. So yeah, I am being emotional, feeding on my emotions.

I went to Jaya and had lunch, ALONE. Met Zhaf at Ukc1 after, was glad to see him :) I haven't seen that lackshit for a good three (or maybe four!) good weeks now. So yeah, pasti gembira lah kan. Afi came later in the evening. Shafiq came late (gaaahhh!), felt a lil crappy about that but I'm okay now. The three of us had dinner at Aroma, it was okay. Zhaf couldn't join us, something came up. We bumped into Nazriq at Aroma or he bumped into us whichever which and he joined us for a couple of minutes, which apparently, those few minutes, changed my mode, completely. Note: I was already feeling crappy. Very emotional. He said something about the results, changing courses etc you get the idea. So yeah. It got me thinking about it again. Thinking about it makes me nervous, scared, sad, emotional. About leaving and doing Law and not being here and not getting to do Law. Ughhh. Either way, I lose. Both with its own pros and cons. Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.




EMOSI !




You couldn't possibly understand. I don't expect you to.






Perhaps it's time I cry now. Yeah. Perhaps I should. Let it out. Let it out. Let it out.










I am, officially, emotionally drained.

























Sigh :(

Suka hati lah!

So I tend to over pack, so? What is your problem? So I need to have my pringles, my pads, my mineral water, my two pillows, all my meds and my stuff so? Why does it bother you that I need these things? Of course I'm going to school, if I can run away I would if I have the money and place to stay, hah. Oh come on! Be real okay! So I need all these stuff, so? It doesn't mean going to school I'd have to leave it all behind, what, my soap, my two pillows and teddies, my food, NO. Whoever says I have to? God! I like having things, extra things, things that I MIGHT need later. So what if I don't need to use them now, what if I want to use it later and it's not there and then I'll panic like mad, why does it bother you so much? God. Give me a break for pete's sake!
Fedaaaaaaaaaaap ! *&^%$#!@#$%^!!






But seriously, I would need a much more bigger brilliant thorough plan if I were to run away. Use your common sense. Common sense is too common that people tend to forget about it. Sometimes it can be so hard to love you. Please, don't start. It doesn't always have to be this way. Try to understand la. Bawak barang banyak pun salah, it's a crime now la ey? Hah.




Bakayaro, shinei!






So yeah I'm leaving now. I'll blog later, I guess.

Say your goodbyes

I think I'm gonna be overly emotional over the weekend, somehow la. So I had my Cheese Nan for dinner and met with my two girlfriends for the last time, both Erin and Fatin. Boyans I want the pictures ja! Haha, they drop by for about 15 minutes, we took some pictures together and of me lying in the trunk of Erin's car HAHA, what a sight. But girls, you are allowed to kidnap me, oh please do :D I wish!

So yeah, tomorrow, noon, Uia. Am all set, all things packed except for the stuff that I need to use, yeah things like that. Hmm. I'm not in the mood for anything. I've been listening and currently listening to Incubus' I Miss You for god knows how many times. Like I said, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be emotional, no doubt. Oh god.

Gahhh :(

-----


To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

You did something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?

I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.

-----

That's the lyrics to the song. It's so deep. Oh god, clearly I am already being emotional. It must be the hormones or something, I'm habing my periods right now. Maybe that's it. Yeah, must be it.

No more fun and games

I can't blog when my parents are in the room. Wait, I can't do anything, cause they always watch, all the time and then kena la nanti, ade je salahnya. POS = Parent Over Shoulder. Saw that somewhere once, in a book lah of course ma.

I've been playing Sudoku a lot now haha. It's cool really. Guys, start playing, chicks dig that. HAHAHAHA! Sorry, my apologies, just had to put that in. But seriously, it's good really. I've been wanting to play but then never knew how - somehow I didn't understand a word in the manual, heh, slow learner I am eh - but then Alya Fathi taught me how and voila, it finally made sense. See, what did I tell you, slow learner, I am ;P Haha. I didn't play until recently, during the holidays. I suddenly had a flashback, ooh Zhaf and Shafiq would know haha, well during the Econsfest, I did this puzzle in less than five seconds and after I was done I just clapped my hands and said the magic words, Cumfiesta, HAHAHA! Okay so yeah, you may find it gross, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Blame Nadz, he was the one who thought me that. I didn't even know what cum was HAHAHAHA. Okay, enough enough. Hmm. I've been playing the piano alot too. Gedik la, dah nak balik baru nak main, gedik gedik. But it felt good, I can now play the whole song now, 'Accidental Babies' by Damien Rice that is, but of course not as good as he is. Like that will ever happen la kan. I keep on listening to his songs lately, alottt. But sadly the new phone has only a built-in radio so now I just listen to whatever they put on air. Tough luck.

I'm heading back to Uia tomorrow, probably around noon. It's weird, before this, I so want to leave home, but now I just wanna stay at home. I like the fact that I have my privacy and that I get to lock the door and do my own thing in the room, aircond on, radio on and playing Sudoku over and over or reading one of my novels. I like it that I get to watch the telly again (I seldom watch Astro though) and watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai over and over again as Shah Rukh Khan dance around and singing to Dilwale Dilhania Le Jayenge's songs as Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol fight for their love. Oh god. I'm so in love with Shah Rukh Khan. Yeah, he looked a little scruffy in Dilwale but he was so hot in Kuch Kuch. He is just so macho, handsome! I should stop now ok bye ;P Siggghhh. There'll be no more computer, no more aircond, no more privacy, no more time alone, no more telly, no more hindi movies, no more crazy dance moves, no more turning 360 degrees on the bed (not that I do that anymore) and no more having the room clean and tidy. It's back to waking up early, doing my own bed (which I do every day, we don't have any maid), studying till late and doing laundry. Aghhhh. Malas nya. Which is the probably the reason why I still haven't packed anything. It's gonna be a busy day. I forgot to buy my skincare products, some stationaries and other writing stuff. Hah. I so need to get one tomorrow. Some last minute shopping. Sigh.

I have a bad feeling I'm not gonna get to take up Law this new semester. Well, first that they're full and it is really up to them to either let us in or keep us out. Say, if they do take new students in then my head's on the chopping block. Note: a 3.395 cgpa is not something you'd look at twice or might consider. It's low, it is, isn't it? If I get it, then I'll be sent packing to Nilai and Abah will be pleased la jugak and get off my back sket and also, meaning: no more Shafiq, no more Zhaf or no more of Afi daily, no more Aroma, no more Zc or level one facing Abc, no more Pj, no more Midvalley or Curve or Ou, no more Lrt, no more pasar malam on Tuesdays and hello middleofnowhere :( That sucks. Note how many noes. But if I don't get it, then I can stay here with them but I'll be stuck with Ict for a while, till god knows when, probably for two more semesters and then off to Gombak (they say you can switch courses there, dunno if it's true), but then again, it's not Law. That would suck too. Either way, I lose :(


Sigh -_-'


Whattodo whattodo one?


Sigh -_-'


I don't feel like sleeping. It's not like I can get on that easily later. I just want to write. I just felt like writing/typing/blogging whatever you call it. I miss them lot, those crazy fun bunch. Shafiq, Zhaf, Afi, Wafa, Nadz: I miss you guys badly. I haven't seen Zhaf since he left, that night at Annex, that was the last time. And Wafa too. Godd. Now it seems unfair, not being allowed to go out and all. I just wanna see them, not like I'm gonna party till damn or wake up in bed with a stranger. Gagagaga.

I nak terkam you, boleh?

The burn mark's still there. It bothers me, it's like cacat or something. Which reminds me, that's how it looks like:

It's red alright. Tapi gambar ni tersalah focus haha. Entah la, nak cepat, 'tis the only one I've got of it.

I hate periods, I just hate periods, don't you? To feel them flowing. Ugh. Icky icky. It three already. I'm hitting the sack, it's gonna be a long day tomorrow. Have to see the boyans before I go. Godddd. If it's one thing about leaving home or uni, it's leaving friends, and not seeing them.


I miss you guys. Each and eveyone of you.
You. You. You.

Bummer..

So, results are out. Was yesterday really, but it was too long waiting for the page to load so I checked it this morning at exactly 10.14am. How do I know this? Well, I had to hurry as my dad were busy intructing the aircond people around the house - there were eight to be fixed altogether - so yeah cepat cepat type in and print out the results. Ngeh ngeh. So yeah there it was, pang! Nope, no 4.o flat - not that I expect it to be THAT high la - not even 3.5 :( No. I didn't make it into the dean's list. Hah. I managed to score only a 3.395 cgpa. Yeah, 3.395. Like, three decimals? What a number la. Cannot bundar meh? Jadikan 3.4 haha. Whatever it is, it's done. It's 3.395. 1.005 more and I could've made it into dean's list. Gaghhhhh.

Emosi jap -_-'

Most of 'em checked last night and many were left disappointed, including me. Okay fine, so yeah it was a three pointer but like halooooooo. Dah dekat dah, tu yang rasa macam taik tu.

Alahai, my parents sebok la. Can't blog now. Cheerio.

Tag, you're it!

I can't sleep. Not just yet. Maybe after I blog this I'll go to bed. I've been sleeping late nowadays, always have been. It's not good I know I know, but I can't help it. The only time I can get online without any interuptions is at night, during the wee hours. Is it my fault that I can't use the computer during the day? No, don't ask. Too much to explain. Malas.

The burn (wait what's melecur in English la? I lupa d) got worse after my last post. It got really bad. It was red and burning alright. I didn't know what to do, we didn't have any cooling gel or whatsoever. So yeah, went to Carefour to buy some stuff: the medicine for the burn and stock up on some things before I head back to Uia this Saturday. Oh yeah 411: I can now type with two hands, yay! Not that I type that fast, but still, faster :) When we got to the pharmacy, the pharmacist was shocked by the redness of my skin (it was really bad), I expected some kind of meds you know, something that we didn't have at home but nay oh nay, they gave us Burnoll instead. Hahahaha. Of all the things. I mean, we have plenty of those at home, how was I to know, off all things. I knew for a fact that it is an antiseptic cream but it didn't occured to me at the time, never did. Lol. Put it four times on the thing, thank god it worked. Now it doesn't hurt as much. Just a little tingle once in a while, but it's alright. And good god, it sure is red alright. I didn't expect it to be that bad. I thought it was a small one. I'm kinda scared if the mark won't go away, like, if it'll be scar. That will not be nice. But yeah, I'm grateful it wasn't my face. To have more scars on my now-already-fugly-face would be.....mad. Mad? Oh god my vocab is really running low. Where's the flip dictionary when I need it? Gahhhh.

So it was a false alarm, about the results. They say you can check tomorrow after 5pm, I dunno where that came from but I won't be checking until late. Hmm. I bought a new phone, just a simple Motorola black flip phone. Back to square two, I think. Basic really, plain sms and calls, with sounds and pictures and a built-in radio, and ah yes, security codes HAHA. Cost me rm350. Thought of buying like Shafiq's but then gedik gedik nak yang cun sket haha. A bit bummed out that the keypad's kinda hard to deal with, I haven't used Motorola for a long time now. Oh well, whatever. It's just temporary, until I save up again and buy something new and nice for myself. 411: The old phone has been returned to its rightful owner.

Just read Aleea's post. I've been tagged. Now I really don't feel like sleeping. Haha. Sue me.

The Most Recent Picture Of You



This picture of me was taken at Abc's cafeteria. It was 9am and I was with the boys, eating McD for breakfast :) Ada lain, tapi not in the pc at the moment. Maaf.


Picture Of You Making A Peace Sign



It's an old pic, took it at Ou after dinner.

A Picture Of You With A Friend



Girlfriend and mommy, Afi Barneyy <3 size="4">A Picture Of You In A Weird Random Place



The look explains everything hahaha.

A Picture Of You In Black And White



Good god this picture is waaaaaaaaay old. I don't take pictures in black and white really. Huhu.

A Picture Of You With Your Hair Up



I tied my hair then.

A Picture Of You With A Weird Face



Ada lagi weird, but that will just gross you out :P

A Picture Of You Wearing A Black Coloured Shirt



The infamous black tudung+black hoodie+hot caffe mocha. Yesza!

A Picture Of You Wearing A Red Coloured Shirt



A Picture Of You Wearing A Green Coloured Shirt



I'm fat now can you tell? Oh god.

A Picture Of You Looking Mad



I replaced the other picture with this, in case you noticed. I like this one better haha. Macam la garang. Eh but beware: I bite. You have been warned. Mihaha.

So yeah.. I tag :
#Niksu
#Atikah
#Afi
#Syuk
#Meuy

It's almost 4am now. I better get to bed. I'm growing eyebags, I like to keep them as pets wtf haha. Well, my eyebags and dark circles are powerful :D Gagaga.


Good night folks.

Goodbye to you

This is gonna be slow and painful, as I can only type with one hand. Damn. It's currently 6.34pm. And so it goes, today's story, as we head down to memory lane, and it has been seemingly interesting.

But first, about the hand. The kettle wasn't functioning so I had to use the traditional one instead. Abah wanted his coffee, so yeah, hot water is needed. Anyways when it was done, I wanted to lift it up to pour the water lah kan, which required me to move the handle upwards. And then came the splash. It was just small/tiny/a little, but the over-the-top hot boiling water splashed onto my left thumb that sent me jumping in pain and frantically searching for something cold. And so came the ice. Sure, you say, just a little splash right, bukannya mcm smpi melecur, but but but, it is excruciatingly painful enough. Really. I tried to just let it be, but it hurts so much I feel like crying. No, seriously. Must've been really hot eh. It was. Which is why I am now typing with only one hand, trying to make full use of every finger and occasionally dipping and undipping my other hand in cold water. !@#%^*&$%@ Gila sakit lah okay. And the fever's making it worse. 411: Due to extreme harassment and deadly threats, I manage to get fever. Isn't that something? Hah. And now, hello red thumb.


Sigh -_-'


I accidentally closed the window awhile reading a blog of a friend's. So it is now 7.00 pm. My other hand still hurts like hell. Maybe I should take some painkillers, oh god, which reminds me, I need to take my meds, an Aerius and a Neurofen perhaps. It'll help with the fever.


Sigh -_-'


It's over now. I hope it is. Over. For good. I happened after lunch, at almost two. His mum came to take the phone and give me some stuff back, which I didn't see coming. Ran home quickly (we met at the junction, away from my house) and went straight to my room and locked the door. There they were, each and everything, that I gave him, espcially those letters. Oh those letters. You see, I'm a hopeless romantic, so yeah, I was the one making and giving cards for every occasion, writing poems and letters and eventually, get my heart broken, over and over again. As I opened the box ans went through all those letters, I felt sad. Well, kinda. I mean, who wouldn't? Having to go back to memory lane, remembering the good old times, the laughs and the cries. The cries. The cries. But I went through it, I ripped everything in pieces and threw it all away except for a few things, nothing important. Glad that's over now.

God I feel like cutting my thumb off! Sakitnyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :'( I don't feel like blogging anymore. Not now. Maybe later.

Results out!

RESULTS WILL BE OUT
POSSIBLY......

TODAY.

Okay, now you can freak out.
^%&$@#$%#@&

No one but you

Today was good. I went to Megat's open house, which is just in Sect. 5 (very nearby), and there they were, my gang, the guys and gals that I've missed so much. Goddd, they teased me for actually coming and actually being there. Note: I was/am never there, whenever they have an outing, I can enver join them, I'm not allowed to, remember? So yeah, it was great. It was just great. Being with my friends, those crazy people I call friends, the ones I've always known, since highschool. Sayang semua lah, korang terhandal :) I'm so glad to be blessed with such great friends, both at home and at school/college/uni (whatever you call it lah). Both groups are the best. They are the best. Sayang semua. Okay, I'm emotionally overwhelmed again, who wouldn't be, I haven't seen most of them since god-knows-when. So yeah, don't mind me being giggly wiggly tonight :) I'm happy. Thank you God.

I finally managed to download Alicia Keys' song. Yesza! And also the infamous Damien Rice. Godd, I love him, his voice, his songs, they're just marvelous. Can't talk much, apparently the mother wants to use this pc, after seeing a picture of me and my frnd, accidentally and that got her blabbing. Gahhh. Anyways, this song means a lot to me. This is dedicated for each and every one of you, those who stood by me and helped me through just whatever, and definately, it is for you love.

I love you guys.

"No One"

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cause
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So till the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Missing you

Silence filled the air as I breathe,
longing for you,
your voice,
your touch.
As I lay on the floor listening,
to my heartbeat,
the radio soft in the background,
playing our song.
My mind's filled with thoughts of,
that particular day,
as we dance across the floor.
We uttered not a word,
yet so much were said,
in darkness your eyes light the room.
Thoughts of you fills my head,
and my feelings for you,
grows deeper and stronger,
as I lay on the floor, alone,
wishing you were here.


I miss you.

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Just something I felt like writing. Hmm, I don't feel okay today. I'm not okay. I'm missing out on things. Sigh. It sucks feeling this way. Sigh. But I'll be alright, I'll always be alright, right? Strong much, ey? I hope. I hope I am.

Silent cries

I wish that I can find the words to say,
to tell you everything that's on my mind, my heart.
No, you will never understand.
Not in a million years will you understand.
I don't like you judging people by their looks,
there's more to it than just looks.
Just because I don't always mingle with the quiet,
low-profile and invisible crowd,
it doesn't mean I feed on popularity, on attention and on boys.
Boys don't dare make their move on me,
I'm such a cold bitter bitch, they don't mess with people like me.
I do bite, I've got balls and I can pack a punch.
Why worry?
I'm not the kind of girl who wants boys
to woo her and flaunt her fucking assets around.
I'm not the kind of girl who seeks for attention.
I don't dress to impress,
I dress nicely because I want to, because I can.
I'm not a girly girl, I'm one of the boys,
but I don't sell my body and fuck around for money or the pleasure of it.
I don't do clubbing, drinking, smoking or drugs, no, and I never will.
Sure, I love to shop and go out and have a bit of fun,
is having fun a sin now?
Please try to understand,
please try to see,
that I am not what you think I turned out to be.
I can take care of myself,
maybe it's time you have a little faith in me.
I wish I can tell you everything,
but everytime I do, it turns out to be a mistake.
Sigh.
I wish I can tell you everything.
Be my friend, not my foe.
Sometimes it can be so hard to love you.
The more you pull me back, the more I will want to break free.

FUCK!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!







And this doesn't even compensate all the anger and hate I'm feeling right now.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

The truth about forever

It must've been the endless weddings I've been to. Or the endless preparations for Cikrah's wedding that stimulated the thought of my own future (dream) wedding. Sometime yesterday afternoon, I've been having visual thoughts of how it'd look like, or how I wanted it to be, from the tents to the flowers to the little details like beadings and materials.

I thought of jotting down every tiny bit of detail but did otherwise. Perhaps it's wiser for me to just keep those thoughts in my head.

Anyways, a few updates on the list. I haven't managed to shed off 2kg but I've been working out quite a lot now. Been doing sit ups, and push ups, and whatever kind of exercise that could possibly help me lose weight, or at least, enable me to fit into my jeans again. And so I did :) When I put on the Gap jeans I've had since forever, it was tight! As in my-legs-can't-breathe tight. Oh yes they were. But now, it's back to how it was, loose :) Yeszaa. Haha. I didn't jog though, haven't, but I will. I will.

I only tried playing the guitar once, haha. Okay, my bad, I should've stick to something and really work for it. But I feel that my fingers are too short or my hands are too small for me to reach for the strings or form a chord. Maybe I'm just not cut out for it ;p As for the piano, I've been playing a little, not really devoting myself into playing a piece but I've been learning how to play a few songs although the arrangements aren't that cool as to the original. I'll hunt for the pieces later. Haha. Ayat-ayat tu, belum hafal lagi. Oh god, Abah is so gonna kill me. I told him I would. It's not too late to start, heh.

Sadly for me, results will be out soon and I've another week of holiday - and I haven't even meet up with the boyans and my other mates here at home - before I head to Uia. I want to study Law, so much, but that would mean I'll be heading to Nilai and leave PJ. Oh godddddddd. Fuck. Why did they make this change anyway lah, gedik. Gedik sgt. Agh, benci. I don't wanna leave PJ. I like it there, it's close to Curve and Mid, far enough from home and still near the city. Nilai would mean, getting stuck in the middle of nowhere. Okay, perhaps I'm not too optimistic about it (of course I'm not!), well, I don't wanna leave PJ. Afi will be there, Zhaf will be there and most importantly, so will Shafiq. God. If I don't go, then I'm stuck with ICT for the time being until I leave for Gombak, but if I go that would mean leaving my closest best buddies, my Lackshits, my Barneyy, my Oldilocks & my Cleo. Cleo. Cleo. I just feel like crying right now. I hate dilemmas.


Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaih ;[


Oh, I've finished reading 'The Truth About Forever'. It's really good, like, really really good. I can always relate to Dessen's writings. She's brilliant. It's funny really, if it's really important, fate would make you come back to the place you've been before, a place that seems so familiar. I could feel tears in my eyes as I read the story, there were so many parts which seemed so real, something I've encountered before. It's like, I'm the person in the story, going through the same things (if not most of it), and how the events have changed me. The timing, me reading the book - with the title and the content itself - it's like, a sign or something. Everyone has their own forever, it could be an hour, a day, a month, or even years. It depends on how you look at it. There's a part in the novel, somewhere near the end of it, was this passage:

No one could tell you: you just had to go through it on your own. If you were lucky, you came out on the other side and understood. If you didn't, you kept getting thrust back, retracing those steps, until you finally got it right.

This other passage is on the last page:

Forever was so many different things. It was always changing, it was what everything was really all about. It was twenty minutes, or a hundred years, or just this instant I wished would last and last. But there was only one truth about forever that really mattered, and that was this: it was happening.

True enough, true enough.

You should get a copy. In fact, you should get every copy of her books. There's seven altogether. I have five now, two of which I haven't bought just yet (I don't have the time and interest to do so...yet), with the latest piece (the one I'm starting to read, just yesterday) entitled 'Just Listen'. I think the title speaks for itself. If you like to read, then yes, you should get her books. If you don't, well, you don't.

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It must've been the books, the stories, that made me write in a way I haven't for quite a while now. If you noticed, the tone of my previous post is somewhat different than usual. I used to write that way, in a storylike manner, I've always been fond of that, of how one puts the words into place and creates a sentence long enough that can make you gasp by the end of it. Oh, those literature sentences. Sure, it's nice, it's deep. It sounds level and clear, but somehow sad in a way. I don't know. Maybe it's just me, heh. I can write those stuff thay way, whatever way. I just choose not to ;) (Cue: Frank Sinatra's 'I Did It My Way' plays in the background. HAHA!)

Syuk found my blog, ahaaa, congratulations ol' boy. Syabas! His blog is fine as well, I like the way he writes. Ah, a man of talents you are lad, with a flair for writing and also capturing precious moments on film. Nice. Niksu's great too. Afi's and Meuy's are just a good. Oh and but of course, Sharina's, the dicktator herself ;) Aha. I like reading blogs. I like stalking. I still have a lot to learn, the art of stalking, that is. Barneyy's a great teacher, I'm sure she'll take me in as her protogee. Haha, what am I crapping here, I'm not making any sense HAHA.

I can't wait for tomorrow. Hopefully, will be seeing my CINTAS. Yeah baby yeah! Can't wait. Oh and Ma bought me two tops from Jakarta. A black Zara baby doll dress and a Benetton T-Shirt. Nice, thank you.

I need a new pair of shoes, coloured ones. And some jewelry, long necklaces and a few bangles perhaps. I spend too much, I just can't help myself. I need colour, a splash of colour to go with my Oreo like outfits (oreo here means black and white, not the cookie). I should get ready now (I take forever to get ready huhu), we're all having our late lunch/tea at KLCC, so I'll hunt for the stuff there. Ma wants to check out Zara, she finally realized how good the brand really is, and maybe, just maybe, we can all get something new today. Nope, not getting my hopes up, just pointing out the possibility ;)

This is has been one LONG post.
(Cue: Zhaf's infamous 'since birth' line) LMAO.









I miss you like mad.

Mood swings

Today was like any other day. It started early in the morning, at seven, as I wake up to the sound of my father's voice and peeked, only to find them hurrying for school, apparently, already running late.

It was the same really, slow and boring.

At 8am, I sent the little one to school and headed home for breakfast. Ate two slices of toast with dad as we talked about (of all things) butter and (yes you've guessed it) toast. Not to forget the occasional joke, talking about Amani and laughing about ourselves. There are times when my father can be so easily approachable, and then there are times when he is just off limits, elsewhere, deep in his thoughts it gets hard to communicate. Whatever it was, I liked the times we clicked :)

By evening, I find myself feeling agitated but could not understand why. Maybe it was the fact that everyone's having a good time, going out while I', stuck at home with three kids in my hands. Or maybe it's the fact that I procratinated and wasted precious (if not valuable) time when I could've been doin the laundry. Maybe it was the fact that the house was in a messy state and seemed a little too stuffy for my own liking. Maybe, just maybe, it's because I don't have you with me.

It has been such a day. Ordinary, but with the frequent change of moods.







Sigh.

The wedding date

Today is a happy day :) Oh yes it is. Sure, there were a few (okay a number of) bumps along the way but in the end it all sums up to a great happy day, although it left everyone exasperated. Oh so today my aunt got married, Cikrah, to Asnizam (now known as Uncle Zam), and boy, sure was a busy, noisy (in a good way) and jolly day it was.

We were late; not exactly late for the akad nikah ceremony, just that we were supposed to arrive earlier ey; as always - my family never fail to be late to any kind of event/function, we just prefer to arrive fashionably late you see, although we aren't always that fashionable - and that got Ma stressed up as we were (as always again) behind schedule. Nothing new there. When we arrived, things weren't ready (again here, note: as always) and that made her stress level go up up which meant that our stress level went up up too. You know how mothers are like, they tend to nag and nag about every little thing and worry excessively about some minor problem, which they shouldn't even worry about. There are bigger problems than that. This is one of the bumps I was referring to. One: don't ever stay still in one place. She'd think that you're just hanging around and skipping chores or something; two: don't sit anywhere near a boy (a friend nor an uncle) or many boys in that matter, for too long, she'd just get the wrong idea and think this and that, y'know; three: NEVER say that you wanna a break when it's peak time; four: prepare to hear a lot (and I mean A LOT) of nagging.

So yeah, number four happened a lot. Oh well, guess that happens everytime uh? I had on the blue-green chiffon kurung and later changed into the yellow songket tabur. First thing that came to mind after I put in on, man I'm in a sack! No seriously. It's not genuine songket tabur, this one's made by the machine so they did whole lining using some kind of material which I think is kinda similar to cotton (perhaps the thin kind of cotton) resulting in making you feel like you're in a sack that makes your body look A WHOLE LOT BIGGER (not to mention fatter too). Sigh..

And it was such a hot day I tell you mate, and it was crowded and stuffy and noisy and hot. Haha. It was. Aaah, but then again, it's good you know. You wouldn't want it to rain on your wedding day now, no? I had to give out the door gifts (is that what you call it?) to the guests so spent a lot of time walking up and down the street handing out packets of bahulus and kerepeks and candies to the people. Capek! Malu pun ada. Hahaha. Met up with A LOT of cousins, those I've met before and a few that I haven't. It was alright :) Oh did I mention that my relatives from Singapore came? Technically they're Ma's cousins/aunts so yeah, they're my relatives as well la kan.

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Am on phone with Shafiq at the moment :) Hehe. It's currently 12:08am.

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Just got off the phone hehe :) It's currently 12.25am. On with the story, there's this uncle of mine, Uncle Fadly, he's really cool, as in relaly fun to talk to, sporting and not to mention good looking too hahaha. Anyways, they went to KLCC - Uncle Fadly, Anty Dian & her beau; note: they are in their mid-twenties lorh - and I ordered for a grande Mocha Frapp but he bought me a venti instead, his treat :) Haha, my lucky day I suppose. It did help soothe the tension amidst all the commotion. I drank it all in about 10 minutes or so. I was damn thirsty and didn't eat anything but one curry puff since that morning. Hah. Gila lah.

But that's not the best part. As always, I've saved the best for last :D Today, it was best when he came. Yes, Shafiq came :) Hehehe. I could feel myself soar up high, y'know. It was just such a great feeling. I haven't seen him in more than a week and although it was not a private meeting or a date of any sort, I was still happy, no wait, I was over the moon to see him there :D

I'm glad you came, you really made my day <3

Even Faiqah noticed me smiling all by myself. I did pity him a little, seeing him there alone having to talk to strangers, eating alone and occasionally fanning himself because it was friggin hot. I had a lot of stuff to do and even when I could go talk to him it was so crowded I ended up calling him using Ma's phone. I caught him talking to some lady who shared the same table with him and with some old lady (my grandma's neighbour probably) so yeah, thank goodness he can carry himself well with strangers and the surroundings and all. But it was when I saw him talking with Uncle Rasul that I had that feeling, that feeling of being emotionally overwhelmed. It's that feeling where you just wanna go up to them and hold them tightly and give them kisses. It's more than words can explain, but so far that is all I can give. It's those times when you just wanna say 'I love you' out of the blue, y'know? Seeing him there, in deep conversation made me love him even more (and happier too!), for plenty of reasons too; one: HE CAME! I missed him so much, and I still do, so seeing him there, right in front of me was more than enough, two: he could get along with people including my relatives/family which is a plus & three: HE CAME! Hahahaha. It would be unfair to give reasons but then that's just part of it y'know. Godddd, he came! Plus, he looked so comel-like when he was talking with Uncle Rasul ;P Okay dah tak payah kembang la boyannn. HAHAHHA. I'm just plain happy la. Be jealous, be very jealous ;)

Afi and Nadz came later at 4 something something. Had my lunch with them, late lunch. I was glad they came too, I miss them as well. I just miss Shafiq more I guess hehe. Afi said Nadz almost had an asthma attack in the car on their back. Oh god. I do hope he's okay. Hey he's my dad, I love him lah. Huhuhu, I love you too laa mommy.

I'm so tired and sleepy dah. I should get some rest. No, rephrase that, I need PLENTY of rest haha. Called him up before he went to bed. He's probably snoring another dream right now hahaha. Eh tak la tak la, dia tak snore, kan? Hahaha. All and all, it was a good day. A good, happy day. Cikrah may have got married and got herself a husband, but I fell in love all over again :) Different events, but almost the same feelings. Yes, I am happy and very grateful indeed.

It was at its best when you came. And I'm ever-so-sorry that you were alone and I couldn't spend my time with you. You really made my day. You never fail to win my heart, again and again..

I love you.


<3